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Moving away with boyfriend to improve future. Good or bad idea?


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Old 7th January 2018, 6:52 PM   #1
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Moving away with boyfriend to improve future. Good or bad idea?

I have a huge dilemma. I resigned from a job due to a work injury and collected my settlement money. I have saved up enough money to buy a house in a different state. My boyfriend is currently on disability at work due to allergies, so as soon as itís up in March, he can start working elsewhere. I plan to find a job in the new state as soon as I find a house to settle in.

I currently live in my parentís vacant house, as they are taking care of my grandmother in her house. I am living rent-free but as soon as I work again I will be paying rent. I donít get along with my mom at all and sheís been very narcissistic my whole life. I am planning a trip from CA to Georgia and we already got the car ready to look for properties. I never really shared any insights into all the details and my plans with her because the way she talks is very interrogative and rude, so Iíd rather not share in exchange for her pessimistic views.

We are supposed to leave next week and sheís saying I should fly instead of drive (because I may end up dying if stranded on the road due to an accident) due to bad weather conditions. I tell her itís farfetched and I would rather drive to save money to bundle up in the van that is prepared with a bed, solar panels, etc. Itís more cost-effective for us. She wants me to stay in a hotel but Iíd rather stay in the van to save money.

My mom doesnít like the fact that Iím using most of my savings to buy a house while my boyfriend lives in it. She thinks that he is using me to advance his status but Iíve made all the decisions by myself and he hasnít forced me to do anything. I am the one buying the house to live in and my plan is to have my boyfriend save up money so he can eventually buy a house for rental. I told him if we end up breaking off the relationship, he said he understands and we would still be business partners investing in real estate. He has been living with his mom and brother who live in special housing and he has been supporting both of them financially but recently told them he will be moving out and they will have to find a way to pay rent. My mom doesnít like the idea that he canít take care of me because he has to worry about his mom and brother. I worry that in the future, he may have to help out his family again especially if something medically happens in the future- that he may not be able to escape helping them.

My mom thinks that I should find someone to take care of me. Iíd rather be independent and focus on myself rather than find someone who can financially support me. That notion is very old school and with this economy, itís not going to work. At the same time, this relationship puts a drain on me a bit because everything he talks about is money-related, especially when he tells me about his mom complaining about money, how he still chips in for other monthly expenses, and how something is too expensive or a good deal. I do feel like Iím taking care of him to an extent, being the domineering financial supporter in this relationship. He hasnít been able to save up as much as me because of his mom who is a single mother who doesnít want to put in the effort to find a better job, and would rather stay at the same place and increase hours. His mom is using some funds from her mother so I donít know what sheís going to do after her mom passes away. His brother is still in college and working part-time.

One part of me thinks this is a good idea because I eventually want passive income but I need him to help me get there because I donít want to do it alone. My injury made me realize that time is short and I canít rely on a job, social security, or a pension, so I need a backup plan. Secondly, if this relationship falls through I donít know how things will pan out. I guess for me what does worry me is the financial aspect. I understand his situation financially and I know things have been handed to me but if I rent out a place in CA, my savings will be depleted and I will have to rely on work to survive. I canít afford a mortgage out here for even a condo.

Would love to hear some feedback on this one if I should go or stay. Thanks.
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