lostmyshadow Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I'm tired of feeling angry and hurt about things that shouldn't bother me so much. I let things get under my skin that shouldn't. One of my red buttons is blame. I get very upset if I get blamed for something. Sometimes it IS my fault, and I'll admit to it and apologize. Other times, it's only partly my fault, which I'll admit to, but if the other person won't admit to their own part in it, I get seriously pissed off. Sometimes fingers point at me when I had literally nothing at all to do with the situation. Right now, someone is holding a grudge against me for something that happened two years ago. I only found out about it last week. This is a person who never admits to her own mistakes for anything. So I shouldn't take her accusations to heart. But I do. She has never said a thing to my face, but she talks badly about me to other people (who I have to deal with regularly). I'm tempted to just spill the whole story here to get validation that I'm right, but I shouldn't have to do that. I've admitted to my own part in what happened. But she won't do the same. She was dishonest with us, and she made choices she regrets. She blames me for her own choices. It's infuriating. How do I not let it bother me? FYI, I can't just never see this person again. I'm avoiding her for now, but I'll have to see her again eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Some people are borne with a lack of empathy, some are molded. Some learn it situationally as part of mental training for a particular job in life, generally jobs where feeling can result in defeat or death. If you've gotten to adulthood with a 'thin skin', you'll likely have it for life. However, therapy and mental training can add some balance. What I've found to work is accepting the feelings and processing them out. Don't fight them, but don't dwell on them. Managing emotions is a mental and cognitive process. Break things down. You're still processing things that happened two years ago. Learn from this pro. Let it go. In general, if you'd like examples of a thick skin, observe any lawyer in their job. They're trained professionally to detach from emotion even if appearing to orate in an emotional manner, and debate purely on logic and without regard to attack. Think of them as bloodless soldiers. That's a pretty impressive skill to have. If you can take even a little of it on-board, perhaps that can help you. I know working with a professional psychologist helped me get some balance and tear down any pedestals for humans I formerly had. You'll find your path. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) just be polite, relate to her as is she is a stranger, which is what you wish she was just you be the class act, and do not collude, but smile, or even just ignore like you did not hear her, as you do not really want her input anyway at best, say "oh" and "mmm" be ready with these easy and ambiguous syllables Edited August 14, 2017 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
the_lost_1 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Browse 4chan or /b/ daily, it'll teach you to be insensitive to everything They also have /adv/ board as well Link to post Share on other sites
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