Feeling unfulfilled in life

[amkxoxo]

I feel the need to vent because I have been feeling so conflicted for such a long time. I'm 24, working full time, with my own place, and living a pretty decent life for my age. Everyone looks at my apartment and my job and they tell me that I am so lucky. But I guess, I just don't look at what I have is all that great. I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but I think I feel very unfulfilled. I go to work, come home, sit and eat dinner alone, and watch tv and sleep and do the same thing the next day. I occasionally hang out with friends. I spend a lot of time talking with my family on the phone. My mom and I are super close and she lives a distance away from me, so I miss her a lot.

 

Lately, I have been questioning everything in my life. I keep questioning my future and where I see myself. I feel lost because I look t my future and I don't have an idea in my head anymore. I don't know what i see myself doing, where I see myself living, etc... Thus I've been not dating or meeting guys, because I feel like I can't even get my own life together, let alone have someone join my life. My dream used to be running off to New York or Los Angeles and getting into the entertainment industry. Not as a famous actor or singer, though, doesn't everyone want that, but more as a marketing/business person, PR Assistant or casting agent. I think I could do well doing something like that.

 

But currently I work doing staffing and consulting. Not in my dream field. I have learned a ton being at my job. More than I ever imagined. I enjoy the work I do. Its comfortable. I think a big part of my life being unfulfilled is its so comfortable. It's safe and boring. I could work at this place for the rest of my life and I know I would do well. But not pushing myself to do more, and that feeling or missing out on what could have been is killing me. I'm not quite ready to leave my job, but I feel so confused about what to do. I don't want to struggle or make a wrong move.

 

I feel lost in love too. I have a lot to offer. I want to be in love. I want to be obsessed with someone. To have fun and make plans with someone. To celebrate holidays together and go on adventured together. I feel like I'm looking for the guy who can give me the world on a silver platter, but all the guys I am meeting whom offer this just don't seem to be the right guy. The ones I want don't step up and the ones that want me don't excite me. All my girl friends are on Tinder and Bumble, meeting men and going on dates. I'm not into that life. At 24, I still feel like I have some hope on meeting someone in person, the old fashioned way. I want the old fashioned guy. I don't know, just someone to sweep me off my feet. I feel like maybe I'm sitting and waiting for something that will never happen. I don't expect money or gifts or extravagant things. But someone to walk in the snow with in winter, and someone to go on a caribbean vacation with. I keep searching for my hallmark movie moment. I keep searching for my Jay Gatsby. Someone who would throw a party every night to get my attention. I want to be he Ana to the Christian Grey. The girl that makes his heart stop and the girl that he wants to give everything he has to.

 

Maybe I'm just a crazy hopeless romantic girl.

 

What killed me most recently was my girl friend asking me to come to her birthday. I told her I would attend. Then she tells me she wants all of us to go out to dinner for her birthday. I say okay. But then she tells me its going to be her and her boyfriend, another girl and her boyfriend, and a third girl and her boyfriend, and me. My face must have shown my disdain for the 7th wheel being myself because my friend adds in "Oh well you can find someone to bring with you if it would make you feel better."

 

I know my friend meant well, but I wanted to yell at her 'Oh yes, let me go call all the guys I have on speed dial and I'm sure they'd love to come with me.'

 

Like I have no one to go with me. I am bailing on her birthday because being at dinner with three couples is like my worst nightmare.

 

I feel so down and lost. I'm smart, I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm decently pretty, I have some talents, I'm caring, kind, and quirky, and I'm also alone, futureless, and unfulfilled.

 

I don't know if I need advice or a pep talk, but HELP!

[puzzledfemale]

You've done at lot already at 24, I think you should be proud of yourself I would suggest that you continue to live your life, perhaps travel a bit and see the world, enjoy the single life for a bit. Keep dating guys, don't settle for now since you are still young. Settling down is a whole other issue as well....considering 50% of marriages end in divorce! So just be yourself, keep doing what you are doing.

[Satu]

snip

What killed me most recently was my girl friend asking me to come to her birthday. I told her I would attend. Then she tells me she wants all of us to go out to dinner for her birthday. I say okay. But then she tells me its going to be her and her boyfriend, another girl and her boyfriend, and a third girl and her boyfriend, and me.

 

As regards that particular event, you should definitely find a nice guy to go with you.

 

I would.

 

You just say, "Hey, I need a plus 1 for a dinner party. Would you like to come?"

 

There are about two billion guys in this world that would love to.

 

 

Take care.

[Shanex]

You just say, "Hey, I need a plus 1 for a dinner party. Would you like to come?"

 

You mean a stopgap?

 

You know, that guy nobody wants to invite at parties but at least he got the bottles and smokes..

[Osmium13]

You're still young enough to find your way.

 

Think about the things you enjoy doing and find a way to do them for a living. Otherwise you'll end up being nearly 40, just getting through the days, wondering if it's too late to do anything about it - and realising it probably is.

[amkxoxo]

I think that is what is freaking me out lately. I feel myself just going through the motions and missing out on the excitement of life and just overall doing things. Like I'm afraid I will end up 5 years from now, just going through the motions, alone and not have gone anywhere. I want to be successful and prosperous. I want to find the love of my life. I'm looking for someone exciting. Maybe that is a far reach and I'm crazy, but I'm looking for someone who would show up at my door in the middle of the night with flowers just to see me. Someone who would drive all night to be with me if I needed them or talk on the phone with me all night until we fell asleep.

 

I keep seeing my friends and cousins in these relationships and they go on vacations together and always just have each other. Me, being alone, plan vacations with my parents and do a lot with my mom. Sometimes I feel so lame at work. My co-workers are all married. And one, whom is my age lives with her long term boyfriend. They talk about things they do with their wives and she talks about her boyfriend like they are married. When I want to contribute to the conversation I have to say "Oh my mom and I did that last summer too." I do things with my mother that people do with their boyfriends, like Christmas shopping, sightseeing etc...I don't have anyone else to do them with.

 

I meet nice guys, but they are just nice. They take me for dinner and treat me nicely, but its general. Its not passionate or unique. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer, but I always just wanted that relationship where people are envious of us. Like they look at it and wish they had it. Girls wish they had a guy like my guy and guys wish they had a girl like me. But we are just content with each other not caring what people think.

 

I met a guy three years ago while I was in school and I thought he was the most amazing person. I tried so hard to make it work, but after a long time of me not getting anywhere with him, he just wouldn't commit. He had a lot of qualities I always wanted. I could see us together if he stepped up and actually tried. It was passionate. But he didn't commit and wouldn't. You can't make someone love you no matter how hard you try. I was in another relationship after this. He and I were strong together. We made each other better people, but in the long run we had such different ideals about lifestyles we wanted to lead. It didn't match up and we ended things, which I don't look back on as a bad decision.

 

Since then I don't meet anyone that surprises me or shocks me. No one who knocks me off my feet looks wise or personality wise. I don't even meet guys in general. All my co-workers are older and my line of work doesn't expose me to people my age. It stunted me having the chance to meet anyone. Thus my friends go to online dating sites, but I just don't like the idea of it. It seems desperate to me. Like people are on there because they can't meet people in person anymore. I just don't feel that desperate to do it. I like meeting people face to face. Its original.

 

I just feel so lost. Everyone praises my life and how I've done good for myself thus far, but I don't see much on my end. I have a good job and a nice place that i afford myself. I have nice things. But does any of it matter if you aren't happy?

[Osmium13]

If you fill your life with the things you love doing, you'll meet someone else that loves doing those things too

[amkxoxo]

I like dancing, watching movies, shopping, cooking, decorating, reading, bar-tending, ice skating

 

None of which have led me to meet anyone. None of which are things men typically love to do. I'm destined to keep meeting female friends.

[amkxoxo]

I like to do things, but I don't like to do things alone, so when I don't have anyone to do things with, I often find myself not doing anything.

 

I also think my job has me feeling down. I like what I do. I think I am good at it, but like I mentioned before, it doesn't excite me. Its good money though. I know its easy for people to say to do what you love, but I would love to be an actor or a dance instructor, but the money isn't good and I would most likely be living in a box. I pay student loans every month and have bills to pay. I can't be a starving artist. That life just always appealed to be, not the starving part, but memorizing lines, getting to play a different person, a character, getting to dress up, and people wanting you. I also love dancing and have a strong passion for choreography. I wasn't pushed as a child to be a star or be an amazing dancer, so now I know I will never be one, but my choreography is strong and I enjoy coming up with it. I sometimes do it in my spare time, but it doesn't go anywhere. No one sees it but me and I have no outlet to really use it. It feels like a waste. I feel like a waste.

 

I know I'm smart, but I also feel not important. I don't do much to impact anything. I can live my life doing a regular job, being average, and not being anything more.

 

 

Since I sit working at a desk all day long, its hit me hard health wise. I've gained some weight. I'm not fat or obese, but I'm curvier than I used to be. I'm trying to stay motivated to lose some weight. I want to be trim and thin again. I've been avoiding men trying to get myself back into a better me. I don't feel my best so I don't want to to try to be with someone feeling this way.

 

I feel like I'm in a rut. I'm lost, and unimpressed with my life. I see these people I went to high school and college with and they are off travelling and falling in love, and living what looks like great lives. I have no money to travel. I have no one to travel with or fall in love with. I work 40 hours a week so time is limited. I feel like my job is wearing me down. Its hindering me being a better person. I'm creative and resourceful and pretty and talented and I really don't use those skills here at all, and no one sees me or recognizes what I actually do. Like I see this one girl I went to high school with. She's pretty, she works in entertainment, she has nice friends, she meets important people through her job. Her life looks great. She just picked up and moved to Los Angeles for her new job.

 

Like I could never do that. Move somewhere where I know no one, without my family or friends, and make a new life. It seems so scary and easily could fail. I love my family too much to move too far away from them. I feel like my closeness with them and mt need to help them keeps me close, instead of spreading my wings. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and look at all of the stuff I didn't do because I couldn't move further away from them. I'm an hour and a half away from my home town. When I've mentioned moving further away, I know its upsets them, and not having them there for me upsets me.

 

Whats hilarious too is that people are envious of my family. My parents are so supportive and selfless. They are amazing people. I'm not saying I am not grateful for them, I am insanely grateful, but I forget that others look at what I have as amazing. The life I have as amazing. I don't see it that way at all.

Edited December 12, 2016 by amkxoxo

[amkxoxo]

Life just doesn't excite me anymore.

 

 

I'm 24, working full time, with my own place, and living a pretty decent life for my age. Everyone looks at my apartment and my job and they tell me that I am so lucky. But I guess, I just don't look at what I have is all that great. I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but I think I feel very unfulfilled. I go to work, come home, sit, eat dinner alone, watch TV and sleep, and do the same thing the next day and on and on. I occasionally hang out with friends. I spend a lot of time talking with my family on the phone.

 

Lately, I have been questioning everything in my life. I keep questioning my future and where I see myself. I feel lost because I look at my future and I don't have an idea in my head anymore. I don't know what I see myself doing, where I see myself living, etc... Thus I've been not dating or meeting guys, because I feel like I can't even get my own life together, let alone have someone join my life. My dream used to be running off to New York or Los Angeles and getting into the entertainment industry. Not as a famous actor or singer but more as a marketing/business person, PR Assistant or casting agent. I think I could do well doing something like that.

 

But currently I work doing staffing and consulting in a dull field. Not in my dream field. I have learned a ton being at my job. More than I ever imagined. I enjoy the work I do. It’s comfortable. I think a big part of my life being unfulfilled is it’s so comfortable. It's safe and boring and easy. I could work at this place for the rest of my life and I know I would do well. But not pushing myself to do more, and that feeling of missing out on what could have been is killing me. I'm not quite ready to leave my job, but I feel so confused about what to do. I don't want to rush into something and then fail or make a wrong decision.

 

I feel lost in love too. I have a lot to offer. I want to be in love. I want to be obsessed with someone. To have fun and make plans with someone. To celebrate holidays together and go on adventures together. I feel like I'm looking for the guy who can give me the world on a silver platter, but all the guys I am meeting whom offer this just don't seem to be the right guy for me. The ones I want don't step up, and the ones that want me don't excite me. All my girl friends are on Tinder and Bumble, meeting men and going on dates. I'm not into that life. At 24, I still feel like I have some hope on meeting someone in person, the old fashioned way. I want the old fashioned guy. I don't know, just someone to sweep me off my feet. I don't expect money or gifts or extravagant things. I keep searching for my hallmark movie moment. I keep searching for my Jay Gatsby. Someone who would throw a party every night to get my attention. I want to be the Ana Steele to the Christian Grey. The girl that makes his heart stop and the girl that he wants to give everything he has to.

 

Like I'm afraid I will end up 5 years from now, just going through the motions, alone and haven’t moved from where I am now. I want to be successful and prosperous. I think I would be more apt to move somewhere and start a new life if I had a boyfriend. I dated this guy three years ago and I would have followed him anywhere. To not be alone and to start somewhere fresh and have someone to support you through it.

 

I meet nice guys, but they are just nice. They take me for dinner and treat me nicely, but its general. It’s not passionate or unique.

 

I don’t meet anyone who knocks me off my feet looks wise or personality wise. I don't even meet guys in general.

 

I just feel so lost. Everyone praises my life and how I've done good for myself thus far, but I don't see much on my end. I have a good job and a nice place that I afford myself. I have nice things. But does any of it matter if you aren't happy?

 

 

I also think my job has me feeling down. I like what I do. I think I am good at it, but like I mentioned before, it doesn't excite me. Its good money. I know it’s easy for people to say to "do what you love", but I would love to be an actor or a dance instructor, but the money isn't good and I would most likely be living in a box. I pay student loans every month and have bills to pay. I can't be a starving artist. That lifestyle just always appealed to be, not the starving part, but memorizing lines, getting to play a different person, a character, getting to dress up, and people wanting you. I enjoy the entertainment industry. Movies, TV, Marketing. Maybe I watch too many movies and its given me this false sense of an exciting life and romantic love.

 

I love dancing and have a strong passion for choreography. I wasn't pushed as a child to be a star or be an amazing dancer, so now I know I will never be one, but my choreography is strong and I enjoy coming up with it. I sometimes do it in my spare time, but it doesn't go anywhere. No one sees it but me and I have no outlet to really use it. It feels like a waste. I feel like a waste.

 

I know I'm smart, but I feel not important. I don't do much to impact anything. I can live my life doing a regular job, being average, and not being anything more.

 

Like I see this one girl I went to high school with. She's pretty, she works in entertainment, she has nice friends, she meets important people through her job. Her life looks great. She just picked up and moved to Los Angeles for her new job.

 

I could never do that. Move somewhere where I know no one, without my family or friends, and make a new life. It seems so scary and easily could fail. I love my family too much to move too far away from them, but I don't want to look back 10 years from now and look at all of the stuff I didn't do because I couldn't move further away from them. I'm an hour and a half away from my home town and that's far enough away for my family.

 

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic girl.

 

I feel so down and lost. I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm decently pretty, I'm creative, I have talent, I'm caring, kind, and quirky, and I'm also alone, futureless, and unfulfilled.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think you have too many expectations of exactly what life should be to the point where you'll be disappointed by anything real life has to offer.

 

You are only 24 and have a good job, yet you're beating yourself up over the fact that it's not your dream job. The cynical part of me wants to call you the typical millennial who walks out of school and expects to become CEO of a company on their first day. You have another 4 decades of working to try and achieve all of your dreams.

 

Same with love, again you are young, and clearly by the sounds of it, many men are interested in you. So you don't need to panic that you haven't found Mr. right yet. But again, are your expectations realistic? Are you focusing on the most important things? Talking about finding someone who will give you life on a silver platter and be your Christian Grey makes it sound like you are looking more for a fairytale than a real life relationship.

[amkxoxo]

I can see exactly what you are saying. I don’t consider myself spoiled or a classic millennial. I know I have to work hard to get things. I worked hard to get the job I have now. I am extremely grateful. I have a lot of good things in my life, like my family, supportive parents, and great job. I guess I just feel unimpressed with the path I am setting myself up to have. The field I am in doesn’t lead me to where I want to be. Part of me wonders what if would have been like to have made a go of being an actor, but I am not daring enough to even try. I know I am talented, but I also know it’s one in a million. I don’t know if I am having a quarter life crisis. Where I am realizing that my life is always going to be this way. I’m never going to be super successful. I think I’m freaking out because I’m getting older and don’t have a lot of time to be young, beautiful, and appealing. I question taking off on an adventure at a new job and seeing where it leads. I think I feel lost because I want to be the person people die to be, but I look at myself as someone no one cares about. I have high hopes and dreams. I wish I could have tried harder when I was younger and tried hard to be an actor or a dancer. I would have liked to be famous for being talented. I know if I worked harder and was pushed I could have been super successful. I feel like I’m sitting here settling for the easy way out. The smart, comfy way out. I wish I got out there and met new people and maybe I would have more friends and more opportunities to meet good men. My options are limited. I rarely meet people now. My job doesn’t expose me to guys my age really.

 

I think a part of this mentality I am having is because I never think much of myself. I have confidence, but it’s more, I never thought of myself as noticed or talented or appealing to others. I often go about life thinking I’m ignored by the people around me. I’ve just always been this way. I’m very humble. Everyone loves attention inside though, but I just always think I’m the wallflower.

 

Part of me knows it’s stupid to want a fairy tale, but I still sort of do. I keep holding out for a perfect moment or man. I know no one is perfect. I’ve had boyfriends and I’ve been through real life problems and issues with them, but part of me still has hope that the best guy for me is still out there. If only someone would notice. I know guys notice me, but they are never the guys that appeal to me. They don’t challenge me. They are fine, nice, men, but they don’t inspire me. They are just too nice and its overbearing sometimes. Other times, I meet guys that don’t attract me physically. I don’t want you to think it’s all about looks. It isn’t for me. I’m not a perfect girl. But you have to at least like looking at someone to date them. If you don’t feel physical chemistry, it’s hard to want to kiss someone all the time.

 

I didn’t mean for it to come across like I am looking for someone to hand me life on a silver platter, thought that is what I said. I like my independence highly. I provide financially for myself. I have a great apartment, clothes, job, family, and I have all good things. I think I am looking for someone to want to give me more than what I already have. Silver platter, emotionally, not physically. Though someone being well off doesn’t hurt. I am looking for someone can be what I need. And challenge me. And inspires me, as much as I do them. Someone who can be flirty one second, dirty another, smart another, and sensitive another. I do sit and watch too many movies and I know this guy probably doesn’t exist. Someone who completes me. Someone who makes me the best me and I the best them. Cliché and stupid as it is. Sometimes I look to change someone, fix someone. And them me. Thus the Ana and Christian reference. She changes him. He lives for her. They make each other the best versions of themselves.

[Satu]

snip

Part of me knows it’s stupid to want a fairy tale, but I still sort of do. *I keep holding out for a perfect moment or man.

 

*I had a perfect moment the other day; a moment of complete transcendence, and joy.

 

I was doing aerobatics over a lake as the twilight deepened, feeling completely at one with the aircraft and the beauty of the environment.

 

I was totally alone in the sky.

 

But doing aerobatics in the dark would be ridiculous, so I went back to the infield to land.

 

And my wheels touched the ground, at exactly same moment the sun chose to slip down behind the horizon.

 

Whats my point?

 

My point is: That moment grew out of my training, commitment, and hard won competence and confidence.

 

That moment would never have come to me.

 

I had to go to it.

 

 

Take care.

[amkxoxo]

I totally see what you are saying. To go out and get and do the things that make me happy. Seek happiness and don't wait for it to come to me. I'm not saying I have had no good moments. I've had great moments. Its those moments that remind me that I wish I had someone to share them with. I think its my life. I look around at my life. I see my good job and good apartment and good family and wish I had someone to share my decent life with. I think me wanting more, more, more, comes from me feeling a sense of emptiness where a loved one would be. I think I sit and think of myself as an actor, because I think if that was my life, i'd be perfect. I would be seen for my talent, recognized, seen as beautiful, wanted, and I'd have the house of my dreams, vacations of my dreams, and man of my dreams. But I know that this may not be the case. Many celebrities and actors aren't happy with their lives. And its hard work to be in the industry. I think that is why I decided not to go and be in the industry when I started college. My first day of college I was a theatre major. I switched that day knowing that it would be hard to be famous and living as a starving artist didn't seem stable or ideal. So I went safe and solid. Thus having the safe and solid life I have. I keep thinking of what could have been if I had gone rogue and gone with the path less traveled. I could be in a totally different place now. I could be successful or a failure. I know I would not have the job I have now.

 

I feel like I have so much potential though. I'm finally seeing it within myself as I never noticed before. I'm the type of person that needs a push. I succeed when I am forced. I show people that I am strong and what I am made of when I face my fears and go for things. I'm a high anxiety person. So when I am forced to set that aside, I excel. Always have. Even in school. I was smart.

 

I had a teacher tell me once, how I was a brilliant person but lazy. I was content being smart. I didn't study for tests. I would just settle for the B I would get naturally relying on my smarts. My teacher told me I could have the A if I really studied. I never was pushed. I never pushed myself. Going out of my comfort zone was scary.

 

When I was in high school I studied acting at a prestigious school. It pushed me way out of my comfort zone. Acting wise and socially being thrown into a while new setting with people I didn't know. It was eye opening. It changed me. I gained confidence in myself and self worth. I had realization that I was talented and worth something. But throughout college, I was let down a lot by other people and myself. It broke me down to reality. Reality was I graduated with tons of student debt, no boyfriend, no place to live, and had to settle on whatever job I could get. I got super lucky and got a job that was amazing as my first job. The job I am at now. But I question if I pushed harder, I could have been something big.

 

I went to see a psychic a while back. I had seen her before. Everything she predicted ha practically come true. Its amazing. She's amazing. She told my mother, whom met with her separately that she needed to push me to be more, and to do more.

 

When she met with me, by myself, she told me that in a past life I was punished for being successful and that because of this I have a subconscious block on being successful. It prevents me from stepping further into the lime light and from letting my talent shine through. I often find myself sitting in the background. I thought this was amazing. This lady didn't know me or anything about me. I am that way. I always just sit back.

Edited December 13, 2016 by amkxoxo

[Satu]

The thing is, you have to have some joy to bring to a relationship.

 

You can't assume that the joy will switch on because you've met someone.

 

It might not, and then where would you be?

 

So you need to find the joy that is there inside you.

 

If you can't find it, you have to create it.

 

 

Take care.

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't think I ever suggested that you are spoiled.... or that you didn't work hard. But if you've worked hard in your career for a year? And you have other people who've worked hard for 10, 20, 30 years, do you expect to be in the same career place as them already? You are on a successful track, but you can always alter the course to aim more towards your ultimate goals. Keep them in mind, and make conscious choices to lead you towards those goals. But the world doesn't fall into our laps overnight (this is where the millennial thing comes into play).

 

As far as the actress or dancer goals, those are special circumstances. While there are the occasional exceptions, those are careers you start because your parents start you off in them. Especially with acting talent is not the most important thing, who you know is far more important. Do you have a parent already on the A list? I'm not saying to give it up as a hobby if it's what you want to work towards, but that is one place where I agree that 24 you might be getting past the age to start.

 

As for relationships, I strongly agree with and live by what you said "Someone who makes me the best me and I the best them.". Keep aiming for that. It's not cliche, it's important. But remember the difference between real life and the movies at the same time.

[Els]

I keep searching for my hallmark movie moment. I keep searching for my Jay Gatsby. Someone who would throw a party every night to get my attention. I want to be he Ana to the Christian Grey. The girl that makes his heart stop and the girl that he wants to give everything he has to.

 

Okaaaay. First off, those stories are fiction. There is a good reason why they only exist in the fictional realm, too. It really concerns me that a 24 yo is using those as a basis for her hopes and dreams about life. It's like a man using anime or porn as a basis for the kind of woman he wants. Neither is realistic and neither will culminate in an actual healthy R that will last for the long term. You can't 'need someone to change you, fix you, and complete you'. Real love does exist but not in the form you see in fictional romance.

[amkxoxo]

I have been in love. I was in love with my ex boyfriend. It was realistic love and I loved it. We had passion and romance, but it was also reasonable and real. He was my best friend. I do want that type of love again. I just can't seem to find it. I also think I may be a little too picky in my choosing. I think, I just don't want to settle or make a wrong decision. I don't want to be taken up by someone and then meet someone else who is amazing for me, but I'm already taken by someone who is adequate. I'm afraid of not seeing all that is out there. I like options and seeing all of them to choose what is best.

 

I know I have a good life. I think I am not totally happy because I am not totally happy within myself. I keep thinking that running to LA or NYC will bring me happiness. My mother reminded me the other day that no matter where I am, I will still be me, so me being me will make me feel the same.

 

I don't know how to curb this loneliness and unsettling feeling of missing out and feeling like I need to run away and start a new exciting life. I feel like time is passing so quickly and I'm missing out on nights on the town and trips to the beach. Travelling and seeing different lifestyles to see what one fits for me. I'm young, have nothing holding me back, smart, and beautiful now, and I don't want to miss out and look back when I am 35 and say I never did anything when I had the chance.

 

I have realized now after deep thought and a lot of research that I do not want to be an actor. Or better yet, I would love to be an actor. I think I am talented, but I would rather have money and be stable so I don't think acting is for me. I can still enjoy acting and dancing, but as hobbies and passions, not as a career. I always wanted to be in the entertainment industry, but maybe not as an actor. I have a lot of good valuable skills in other areas such as writing, marketing, etc... I'm in a boring field that doesn't interest me right now, and I think I woke up and realized that the longer I am in this industry, the more valuable I am in only that industry.

 

I have a degree and am on my way to getting a masters certification. So I think I could still do a job in an interesting field, but not be a starving artist. I am just so afraid of taking the risk. But I don't want to wait too long and be stuck only getting job offers in this boring finance field.

 

My job now is cushy. I get paid 49,000 a year salary and I don't work super hard. I am a marketing person/tech coordinator/web manager. I do a lot of things. In the summer I get paid full time to work 9-5, but they let us leave at 1PM every friday to enjoy our weekends. I get one sick day a month and 15 vacation days a year. My boss isn't super strict so I don't come in when I'm sick or my car breaks down or we run into traffic and are late. He's super understanding, as long as we don't abuse it. Like today, I am leaving half a day to go xmas shopping. We have a gym facility, where I can go workout during my lunch hour and its super cheap. I have a great beach condo on my own. My car is super old and needs replacing, but I am trying to save up to make that happen. But overall, my life is good for my age. I have friends whom are still living at home and relying on their parents. I'm a young working professional. I owe $1200 a month in student debt, which takes up half of what I make, and the other half is living expenses, so I don't have a lot left over.

 

I'm terrified that if I leave, and I hate my new life, that I can never get my old one back. I wouldn't be surprised if it was impossible to find a job that pays the same as I make now.

 

I think I am also being affected deeply by seeing other people's lives. I see people on social media and they look so happy and excited about their life. And I just am not. It makes me think if I was more like them than maybe I would be happier and luckier and seeing the world. My mom keeps reminding me that although I have a great personality. I'm sweet, kind, etc... but my mom reminds me that I am not a super outgoing, goes out and meets people and networks type of person. I am friendly, but I'm shy.

[Satu]

You say you want a more interesting life than the one you live now, but unfortunately, you don't want it enough.

 

On paper, your life looks pretty good, but you experience it as being hollow and dry.

 

You stay in that life because you don't really want a better life.

 

Its just an occasional daydream.

 

If you really did want a better life, you'd change and take action.

 

 

Take care.

Edited December 16, 2016 by Satu

[bluefeather]

You seem to compare yourself to others a lot. That can be a dangerous path. It's kind of interesting, though, because you might be doing to others what they do to you. You said yourself that people say you are so lucky with what you have gotten in life. They see you as doing well, when inside, you do not feel complete. What if they feel similarly? Hmm...

 

Maybe you are adulting so much, the time has come early for you to experience a mid-life crisis.

[amkxoxo]

You both may be a bit right. I think I do want a new life I'm just afraid I will fail and end up worse off if I go for it. I do have a good life. I do want to make it more interesting and fun but I don't know how. I work with all people much older than me. Don't interact with a ton of people my age. Its hard to make friends. People I do meet don't seem to want to make friends. They seem so content. I took some graduate classes at university and I thought it would be great since everyone was my age. No one really wanted friends. People were nice but jot overly friendly. I go home from work eat, relax, and go to bed. I don't have lots of opportunity to meet people and have fun. I know some of my friends I do have feel this same way. I do want to change this pattern, I just don't know how. Its so easy for people to tell me to join a group somewhere or go out and socialize but where I live its hard to do. There isn't a ton of things that interest me or groups to join.

[bluefeather]

You both may be a bit right. I think I do want a new life I'm just afraid I will fail and end up worse off if I go for it. I do have a good life. I do want to make it more interesting and fun but I don't know how. I work with all people much older than me. Don't interact with a ton of people my age. Its hard to make friends. People I do meet don't seem to want to make friends. They seem so content. I took some graduate classes at university and I thought it would be great since everyone was my age. No one really wanted friends. People were nice but jot overly friendly. I go home from work eat, relax, and go to bed. I don't have lots of opportunity to meet people and have fun. I know some of my friends I do have feel this same way. I do want to change this pattern, I just don't know how. Its so easy for people to tell me to join a group somewhere or go out and socialize but where I live its hard to do. There isn't a ton of things that interest me or groups to join.

 

I'd consider online dating. I don't think it's desperate. It's just a modern way of meeting people, kind of like this forum is a modern way of getting advice. I've never tried it but I'm thinking about it.

[Ashbash11]

This idea may be a little "out there", but what about teaching English abroad for a year or two? Get a TEFL or CELTA certificate, and do it! If I were your age, and feeling the way you do, that's what I would do. It would give you a fresh perspective, the "excitement" that you are craving, a chance to meet new men (and friends), and expose you to a new culture and experience. Might be good to shake things up a bit... Given that you could get a job when you return.