Fading away...

[Brapting]

Its hard to judge the advice that people offer. It is always welcome, but I struggle to believe that there is anyone that is coming from the same place...or that was in the same place and found a way out.

 

I literally have no social contact outside of work. Recently I started counselling and I have joined a public speaking and 5-aside football meetup...but this is only a few hours a week and I can only muster superficial conversation. The rest of the time is spent alone, in my flat, distracting myself with Youtube videos.

 

Does anyone my age (late twenties) really know what it is like to literally NEVER have their phone 'buzz' with a message...to have no reason to even look at their phone? To spend their weekends in solitude? To have a facebook page that has not had a message or status update for over a year? To have not been in a relationship for a decade?

 

I recently went on facebook for the first time in a long time and looked at a couple of my old friend's feeds. It brought back a few memories of when I was actually a bit more socially active, at uni and before...when I was using drugs. I literally never think about these things and it was almost as if it was just a film I had seen once. Someone different or a dream, kind of scary when I think about it

Edited September 9, 2016 by Brapting

[privategal]

Just wondering why you don't reach out and catch up with those Facebook friends? Your making good progress but you could do more. You have connections, reach out and set up a meet up at the local pub to catch up?

Also can you volunteer through your company or university? Is there any alumni groups where you went to college that meet up?

Maybe you can make your public speaking speech about your efforts to form new friendships.

Your on the right track, take a few more steps, then a few more. Keep going. Loneliness is hard on all of us but you should be proud of your steps so far.

One last thing, after the next game you should see if anyone wants to grab a beer or lunch after football, most people in those social groups like to do such things and you could get practice letting your walls down and getting into more in depth conversation. Don't give up OP. You are doing great!

[Nowty V]

Your situation is good unless it makes you unhappy.

 

Remember: People who do drugs may not be your true friend, they appear very friendly but they have to sell amounts of drugs in order to fund their own addicted use.

 

Drugs can also play with your mind in a negative way, they certainly play with your Bank balance in a negative way.

 

Instead of youtube videos try reading a book, I would recommend Awareness by Anthony De Mello for somebody in your situation, you should be able to pick up a cheap copy on ebay.

 

Maybe hook up with your local Solidarity network, they can be a way to meet new people.

[justanickname]

I literally have no social contact outside of work. Recently I started counselling and I have joined a public speaking and 5-aside football meetup...but this is only a few hours a week and I can only muster superficial conversation. The rest of the time is spent alone, in my flat, distracting myself with Youtube videos.

 

I used to be in the same situation. Well, still, but less. Yet, as NowtyV wrote "your situation is good unless it makes you unhappy".

Have you ever tried any activities such as gym, sport, etc.? I don't know where you live, but I suppose you can be able to do? Distract yourself with some physical activities, much better than staying in front of a TV/computer for hours checking for videos.

 

Does anyone my age (late twenties) really know what it is like to literally NEVER have their phone 'buzz' with a message...to have no reason to even look at their phone? To spend their weekends in solitude? To have a facebook page that has not had a message or status update for over a year? To have not been in a relationship for a decade?

 

I recently went on facebook for the first time in a long time and looked at a couple of my old friend's feeds. It brought back a few memories of when I was actually a bit more socially active, at uni and before...when I was using drugs. I literally never think about these things and it was almost as if it was just a film I had seen once. Someone different or a dream, kind of scary when I think about it

 

No worries, you are not the only one for sure. The point, again, it is not what you like, so, change it. And drugs, I don't think it is good to find real good friends...

 

Good luck!

[Brapting]

Wow...I didn't even think that I would get these kind of replies on here. I just want to say thank you so much to all of you guys. I can't believe that you would take the time to respond to me in the way that you have. I know that we are complete strangers but it really means a lot and what you have written has really helped me out in a difficult time. I just want you all to know how much your few words has influenced someone and I cant thank you enough.

 

I am sticking with my efforts to go out and be me social and things feel like they are getting better. Whenever I go to my public speaking class or football, I no longer go through the rigmarole of trying to manage my anxiety and insecurities...I just do it. I have started talking to people and it isn't this massive pressured thing of 'needing' to make progress every week (I think this mindset was holding me back a bit). Last Thursday at football, I played really badly...my first touch was rubbish, but everyone on the team was shouting me by name and encouraging me on...congratulating me when I made a good touch. They wanted me to join them for drinks after but I said I couldn't this week. I asked if it was a regular thing and they said 'yes' so I want to go next week.

 

I kind of realised today that I have been doing myself a bit of a disservice for a long time. For years I have seen myself as pure s***. A failure, abnormal, repulsive. I identified with that and it was impossible to even consider (let alone believe) that I was anything other than a reject, not worthy of being alive. I had read about biased thinking patterns but it always seemed like something outside of myself and my situation. Today I was thinking about little things I have done that had meant something to people in the past...like meant a lot to them. I thought about how I haven't touched drugs for three years...and how four years ago, I would have given anything to stop using. I kind of realised that I have been doing myself a bit of a disservice labelling myself so negatively for so long. I honestly don't mean this in an arrogant or self satisfied way...because I have many flaws. But I am starting to realise that that I am not as s*** and terrible as I was certain that I was and I am probably being a bit unfair believing this of myself.