Mid twenties, never had a boyfriend. ?

[batjokes92]

Hi so I've just turned 24 and I've never been in a relationship. I've always been an extremely shy and anxious person who feels most comfortable alone at home but now that I've entered my mid twenties I'm beginning to worry that I'm headed for a life of being single forever.

 

As a young kid I was very picky. I was asked out only a few times and the few times I was asked I said no mostly because I was scared of what having a relationship would entail. I have been on a few dates before. My first date was when I was 21. He was my first kiss too. I thought we were dating for two months but according to him we were just friends. I asked him if he wanted a relationship with me and he told me no. This broke my heart because I was really infatuated with him. So for about a year I considered myself emotionally unavailable because he continued to string me along until I finally faced reality and blocked his number/Facebook profile. The next time I tried dating was when I turned 23. I met this guy in college and he was much kinder to me than the first guy was. We had a lot more in common too. We went on about 4 dates. I had the same talk with him about commitment and he said that he didn't want that because he wanted to move away. A year later and he's still living with his parents in the same town... So I felt like that was just a lie he told me.

 

After that I met this man online whom I fell head over heels in love with. Much more mature and caring than the first two "boys" I've dated. We've been talking online for almost a year now. He told me that he had a crush on me but he's still trying to get his ex back and he loves her more so he says we can't be anything more than friends. Any other guy I try to meet online will either send me a dick pic or ask for nudes before we even meet. Everyone I know has been in a relationship by my age and I feel like a loser. This is really starting to scare me. I thought for sure that I'd have had a boyfriend by now. I'm beginning to think that there is something terribly wrong with me. My mom is starting to worry about me so she set me up with this new guy she met through her new husbands family but we have nothing in common and all of our text conversations are dry and tedious...

 

So, does anyone here have any supportive words/advice for someone like me? Is there still hope? Do you know anyone who had there first relationship in their mid twenties, and are they truly in love with the person they found or did they just "settle"? Luckily I have a great career, have my own appartment and I'm doing well financially, I'm just unlucky in love I suppose.

Edited July 21, 2016 by batjokes92

[Yamaha]

Tackle your shyness.

Make yourself talk to people you don't know well.

Tell yourself you will talk to 2 people 2day and do it. Even if it's just, Hello!

Then set another goal and on and on.

I think you will find that people are not as scary as you think and they like for others to make the first move.

It will be scary at first but if you keep at it you will get better and better.

If you fail at first, so what! Just keep trying. You learn by doing even if you fail once in a while.

As for love, how about looking for someone you want to date. Talk to people and find out about them. When you find someone that checks all the boxes be flirty and let them know you want something more than friendship.

You are in control much more than you think.

[major_merrick]

Yes, there's hope. I actually have a friend who is in the same boat as you, and close to your age. He's quiet, educated, and has a good career - just so little time to meet people. His mom has tried to find a partner for him, but he hasn't really liked the people she has found. He also has the same trouble you do - nobody wants to commit. Alas, he lives in the Southern US, so that might not be your cup of tea. Sometimes he tells me his troubles, and I think the biggest problem is that people who are really wanting to commit aren't the party types who meet people easily. It lessens the playing field.

 

Keep searching! There are people out there just like you!

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

There lots of people on this site forum, your age and older who have never had a relationship but it is mostly guys

[batjokes92]

Most people tell me to "join a group" or "volunteer" to find someone. Unfortunately I live on the Canadian/US border and the only good volunteer opportunities/social groups are on the U.S. Side. There is not much here in my city in Canada for singles my age. I don't know what else to try. Maybe if I lived in another country or bigger city things would be easier..

Edited July 21, 2016 by batjokes92

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I'm sure you'll have one before 30

[No_Go]

First off there is hope Seriously OP, you are young, nothing to worry about yet.

 

As I shared many times on this forum - I'm a late bloomer as well - my first date (that transitioned into first BF) was at 27. I never went out with, kissed, hugged a man before. Never.

 

It went smoothly, in a week after the first dfate I was ahem full speed on. Lasted 1.5 years. Then I stayed single for 7-8 months, met my second BF (an ass***e but that's a whole other story), we broke up, and few weeks after I met my current BF of almost 1.5 years. So the 'late blooming' didn't affect my ability to find/form/keep relationships (well I could have skipped the 2nd guy if I was more experienced in reading signs).

 

My advice: find someone extroverted and outgoing to date. They'll quickly bring you up to speed;)

 

Hi so I've just turned 24 and I've never been in a relationship. I've always been an extremely shy and anxious person who feels most comfortable alone at home but now that I've entered my mid twenties I'm beginning to worry that I'm headed for a life of being single forever.

 

As a young kid I was very picky. I was asked out only a few times and the few times I was asked I said no mostly because I was scared of what having a relationship would entail. I have been on a few dates before. My first date was when I was 21. He was my first kiss too. I thought we were dating for two months but according to him we were just friends. I asked him if he wanted a relationship with me and he told me no. This broke my heart because I was really infatuated with him. So for about a year I considered myself emotionally unavailable because he continued to string me along until I finally faced reality and blocked his number/Facebook profile. The next time I tried dating was when I turned 23. I met this guy in college and he was much kinder to me than the first guy was. We had a lot more in common too. We went on about 4 dates. I had the same talk with him about commitment and he said that he didn't want that because he wanted to move away. A year later and he's still living with his parents in the same town... So I felt like that was just a lie he told me.

 

After that I met this man online whom I fell head over heels in love with. Much more mature and caring than the first two "boys" I've dated. We've been talking online for almost a year now. He told me that he had a crush on me but he's still trying to get his ex back and he loves her more so he says we can't be anything more than friends. Any other guy I try to meet online will either send me a dick pic or ask for nudes before we even meet. Everyone I know has been in a relationship by my age and I feel like a loser. This is really starting to scare me. I thought for sure that I'd have had a boyfriend by now. I'm beginning to think that there is something terribly wrong with me. My mom is starting to worry about me so she set me up with this new guy she met through her new husbands family but we have nothing in common and all of our text conversations are dry and tedious...

 

So, does anyone here have any supportive words/advice for someone like me? Is there still hope? Do you know anyone who had there first relationship in their mid twenties, and are they truly in love with the person they found or did they just "settle"? Luckily I have a great career, have my own appartment and I'm doing well financially, I'm just unlucky in love I suppose.

[batjokes92]

I'm sure you'll have one before 30

 

I really am loosing hope.. That guy my mom set me up with was a flake. In our last text message I told him that I may be shy because I have anxiety and he said "I don't mind if a girl has anxiety. So many people are too shallow and stop at the first thing that makes them uncomfortable. I take time to look past it." But it's been a week and I haven't heard from him since. Why would a guy say that to a girl and then just suddenly stop talking to her!?! This just makes him sound like a huge hypocrite.

 

This happens to me all the time. I've met so many guys who flake like this at the last minute before our first date. They say "oh I'm sick I can't make it" literally hours before a date and never call me back to reschedule. And these are guys who ask me out first so I don't understand.

 

I don't know why they do this. It drives me crazy, it hurts and it makes me not want to try dating at all.

Edited July 31, 2016 by batjokes92

[Mr_Fox]

Batjokes - Do not worry about being single because you are still very young!

 

if you become desperate to meet any guy then you will end up with the wrong guy. Hold out for the right one and it will be less painful in the long run.

 

You sound like a nice lass and being shy is not a problem apart from making it more difficult to meet new people. But many guys would prefer a shy woman rather than a loud one anyway.

 

if you like someone then learn to smile at them and you will soon realise hat people open up o you!

 

.

[Els]

Most people tell me to "join a group" or "volunteer" to find someone. Unfortunately I live on the Canadian/US border and the only good volunteer opportunities/social groups are on the U.S. Side. There is not much here in my city in Canada for singles my age. I don't know what else to try. Maybe if I lived in another country or bigger city things would be easier..

 

Is this something you are willing to consider? Not just for dating opportunities, but just to, you know, get out of your comfort zone. Experience a new place. Meet new people. IMO that's something that everyone should do at least once in their life, if not more.

 

I don't know about your career/job situation, it might make more sense to wait, but if you can make this happen it might be a good idea.

[batjokes92]

Is this something you are willing to consider? Not just for dating opportunities, but just to, you know, get out of your comfort zone. Experience a new place. Meet new people. IMO that's something that everyone should do at least once in their life, if not more.

 

I don't know about your career/job situation, it might make more sense to wait, but if you can make this happen it might be a good idea.

 

I can't move. Atleast not for a long time. The closest city id want to move to would be Toronto and that's 4/5 hours away. The cost of living there is very expensive. I'd love to move to Europe but no one in my family thinks it's a good idea. I really hate the city I live in. There is no way for me to meet new single guys. I try to hangout with some new friends but they are already coupled up together and I'm the line single girl. I hope you're telling the truth when you say being single for 24 years is ok. Because to me, it's painfully lonely and it feels like a death sentence.

[Els]

I can't move. Atleast not for a long time. The closest city id want to move to would be Toronto and that's 4/5 hours away. The cost of living there is very expensive. I'd love to move to Europe but no one in my family thinks it's a good idea. I really hate the city I live in. There is no way for me to meet new single guys. I try to hangout with some new friends but they are already coupled up together and I'm the line single girl. I hope you're telling the truth when you say being single for 24 years is ok. Because to me, it's painfully lonely and it feels like a death sentence.

 

I know several women who met their first boyfriend after the age of 24. It's more normal than you'd think IMO.

 

That being said, I also think you need to live your life for yourself, not for your family. If you think traveling to Europe is something you really want, then it might be worth looking up ways to make it happen. At your age you are likely eligible for working holiday visas in several European countries. This is not just to meet a guy, but rather so you can try new things, get new experiences, and meet new people. That can really pull you out of a rut. If I had never moved from the place that I lived in with my parents, I would only be a shell of who I am now (also, I would likely still be single, and I'm several years older than you).

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I know several women who met their first boyfriend after the age of 24. It's more normal than you'd think IMO.

 

That being said, I also think you need to live your life for yourself, not for your family. If you think traveling to Europe is something you really want, then it might be worth looking up ways to make it happen. At your age you are likely eligible for working holiday visas in several European countries. This is not just to meet a guy, but rather so you can try new things, get new experiences, and meet new people. That can really pull you out of a rut. If I had never moved from the place that I lived in with my parents, I would only be a shell of who I am now (also, I would likely still be single, and I'm several years older than you).

 

Ya I heard of an extreme case for a woman from this life coach named Allana Pratt

[planning4later]

I have a buddy who is 35 and still hasn't had a girlfriend. He's not gay. I never asked him why he's been single forever. I know he has a thyroid problem so maybe he feels inadequate. It's easy for men to feel this way. Society expects us to be perfect like a robot, never letting women down.