OverAnalyzer Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Hello, I grew up in a very broken household, full of deceit, mistrust, and abandonment. As such, I've found that I have some fairly strong abandonment issues. I seem to constantly want to fill a void in my life by being in a relationship, and I worry that my significant other is going to break up with me fairly frequently. I'm currently in a relationship, and I'm trying my best to get past these issues by remaining rational, but it's tough. I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who can give me some advice to deal with these issues? Thanks in advance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 So am I right in saying the thought of being alone terrifies you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 From an old journal of mine: "You have to let yourself fall into your own arms." You have to learn not to abandon yourself. That means in part, being a good parent to yourself. Looking after yourself: Healthy food, enough sleep, drink enough water, exercise, fresh air, etc. It sounds like you spent a lot of your life running around trying to find a parent... Now that you're grown up, thats your job. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I would recommend seeing a counselor who you can bounce things off of so that you don't sabotage your relationship. The people I know who suffer with abandonment issues tend to be extremely clingy. That in itself is something you may need to work through. You need to figure how to let go and just be. Realize that you couldn't control their actions then and you cannot control your BFs actions now. If you can master that skill you should be okay. But there's probably other things that you are going to need help working through as well. I'd make a visit with a psychotherapist if I were you. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Hello, I grew up in a very broken household, full of deceit, mistrust, and abandonment. As such, I've found that I have some fairly strong abandonment issues. I seem to constantly want to fill a void in my life by being in a relationship, and I worry that my significant other is going to break up with me fairly frequently. I'm currently in a relationship, and I'm trying my best to get past these issues by remaining rational, but it's tough. I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who can give me some advice to deal with these issues? Thanks in advance. The first thing you should know is that you're not alone in dealing with this issue. Many children grow up feeling unloved or unimportant often their needs aren't taken seriously and then they fail to develop self love because they feel unloveable. Therefore, it is logical that they seek out another who will give them the love they feel they didn't receive. Sure, people will tell you that "you must love yourself first before someone else can." But this isn't an easy task if you've been denied the nurturing during your developmental years. In fact, lots of people live their whole lives searching for someone else to fill the emptiness. The quest makes sense but it usually ends in failure. The first thing you need to do is accept that you fear abandonment. Radically accept it. Watch some youtube videos dealing with shame and abandonment issues. Understand that we are social creatures who fear rejection and humiliation and that can lead to clinging which is NORMAL. Western society has brainwashed us into thinking that a self-assured independent personality is on the top of the food chain. But that very thinking has made a mess of the world. You are normal. Wanting love, companionship and acceptance is human. Start there. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 People with this background often create what they fear most by being overly suspicious and overly monitoring and end up running off the other person. It isn't your fault you have insecurities. My best friend has them too -- and it's made her pick some men who are emotionally unavailable and then cling to them. I don't want that for you, so I agree that this is important enough and treatable enough that you should to go a psychologist and see if you can modify your behavior. You already understand it. Now you need to practice not doing what you feel like doing and do the rational thing and then be rewarded with the positive results you get and eventually maybe it comes natural to you or you at least meet someone and don't run them off or cling to a bad one. It's your one big life here. Do what you need to do to get on the right path. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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