enchanted771 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hello all, I am in a new relationship one month into it. Last night, I brought him to my friends house to hang out with her and her friend. It was fun, but the only problem was I barely talked! I have social anxiety and even though I know this friend well enough, they were talking about things that I don't really have an interest in and I felt out of place. For example, they were discussing various books. I am not an avid book reader, so I don't know what I could have possibly contributed to the conversation. Now if you talk about cooking or fitness, I have expertise in that. It was awkward for him because it was his first time meeting them, but he kept the convo going. He mentioned how quiet I was and how I didn't even talk. This has been an issue in the past, where I just sat there silent almost the entire time and I just listened but didn't contribute anything to the conversation. I am insecure where I think if I say something, people don't really hear me or interested in anything I have to say or I will say something stupid or irrelevant. He has a huge family and I am nervous when I meet them, I may come across as cold so I want to fix this now. My friends are always having to tell their friends I am not unfriendly its just how I am. But enough is enough... any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Try a group called ToastMasters. Technically it's about public speaking but it can help with social interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Try a group called ToastMasters. Technically it's about public speaking but it can help with social interaction. I think ToastMasters or Dale Carnegie's 'How to influence ppl and make friends' is what got Warren Buffett over his unbelievable shyness and made him a good writer/orator [i know he did Dale's program, not sure about TM]. Link to post Share on other sites
tuzmusic Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) I am in a new relationship one month into it. Last night, I brought him to my friends house to hang out with her and her friend. It was fun, but the only problem was I barely talked! I have social anxiety and even though I know this friend well enough, they were talking about things that I don't really have an interest in and I felt out of place. For example, they were discussing various books. I am not an avid book reader, so I don't know what I could have possibly contributed to the conversation. Now if you talk about cooking or fitness, I have expertise in that. It was awkward for him because it was his first time meeting them, but he kept the convo going. He mentioned how quiet I was and how I didn't even talk. This has been an issue in the past, where I just sat there silent almost the entire time and I just listened but didn't contribute anything to the conversation. I am insecure where I think if I say something, people don't really hear me or interested in anything I have to say or I will say something stupid or irrelevant. He has a huge family and I am nervous when I meet them, I may come across as cold so I want to fix this now. My friends are always having to tell their friends I am not unfriendly its just how I am. But enough is enough... any advice would be appreciated. Hey "enchanted", I'm sorry you're feeling that way, I know it can really suck to be around people with nothing to say. I also want to acknowledge you for really caring about being a contribution to whatever group you're in, about your new partner having a good time with you, and wanting to connect with people. It sounds like it's a longstanding issue where you feel powerless in a social group, in social situations. I know how stuck and immovable that can feel. How do you want it to feel when you're with this guy? Or when your with your friends, or a group? What would it look like if you were really comfortable around others, and happy with yourself? You said you want to fix this now –looks like you're ready to really get to work. Have you considered working with a life coach? I'm a coach and I'd love to talk to you and see if I can help you get to where you want to be, or if not maybe one of the other great coaches I know would be a better fit. I'm new to this forum and I can't figure out how to send someone a private/direct message...but if you know better and want to talk about it please message me I'd also give the book "The Introvert's Way" by Sophia Dembling a look. It's an AMAZING book that really helped me with dealing with similar situations. Good luck! Edited July 23, 2015 by tuzmusic Link to post Share on other sites
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