Ryan R. Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 This is really just a startling revelation to me. Some of you who are in relationships or have been in relationships, you may be like "well, duh". I was at work the other day and my supervisor said "thank you for your input, Ryan. I find you extremely valuable and I'm sure many others do too." Of course, right off the bat I was elated. I was ecstatic. The reason why I haven't been in any relationships or have had sex is because I do not provide value. I just don't. For a girl to be in a relationship or have sex with you, the question is always "why". Why should I do this with you? And I can't provide an answer. "I'm nice" doesn't cut it. Can you provide what the girl is looking for at that time. Is she looking for a quick thrill, an exciting partner, or someone steady and reliable? It's all about fulfilling recurrent or existing needs within that person... I have failed to address this when talking to girls. Let's say I am the richest man in the world, the most socially attuned guy in the world, connections at my fingertips... And I want a partner. Many women are lining up to pick me. Why should I choose her? What can she offer me? Do I find her physically attractive? Do I like her worldview? Does she contribute insights or tools to my life? If all above is yes, then let's give it a spin! It's so simple! Same thing goes with girls. Guys complain that girls only go after "hot" guys. Well, they are providing value in one form - their looks. They make the girls' social value increase when they are with them. Why should she be with you? You're not particularly attractive. You don't really have any original thoughts. You don't work out. You just sit on the couch and watch movies all day. I don't think of it in terms of "value in value out" but that is the process we all go through. At the base of it is, "yeah I want a hot girlfriend who I am proud to present to all friends because she increases my social value". That's why trophy wives/husbands exist. I'm still attempting to put the pieces together and I still have to make a perfect picture but it's starting to now materialize. I need to be a better man. As my friends said "You need to be the best man". I never really thought in depth about why they were saying this but it all makes so much sense. Why do you go to a restaurant to eat? Because it provides value in the form of something you can only experience at that restaurant. Why do you visit your favorite sites because they provide value and insights to your life. All it means is that I need to become a better man. Every day I'm getting better but I need to increase my value. Learn new skills. Become better looking. That's what life's all about. Not just existing. I just wish I knew this earlier, it would have saved me a lot of grief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The reason why I haven't been in any relationships or have had sex is because I do not provide value. I just don't. For a girl to be in a relationship or have sex with you, the question is always "why". Why should I do this with you? And I can't provide an answer. "I'm nice" doesn't cut it. Think about who you are. Clearly if your manager has said it you are hard working. That is equally as important in a relationship as it is in work. Its utter balls that you have "no value". You just don't know what your value is or how much its worth... Please hear "self confidence issues" when I say this. Read the thread about virgins and men with little experience. The truth is that EVERY MAN AND WOMAN WHEN ENTERING INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP STARTS OFF ON EQUAL GROUND. Its what happens next that matters and how much work you put into it that matters. Think of it as a race. Everyone is lined up at the start. The horn goes and most start running. Some run the wrong way, some run fast, some run slow some meander along nattering to others... Your currently standing at the start watching everyone else scratching your head. Start running! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryan R. Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Think about who you are. Clearly if your manager has said it you are hard working. That is equally as important in a relationship as it is in work. Its utter balls that you have "no value". You just don't know what your value is or how much its worth... Please hear "self confidence issues" when I say this. Read the thread about virgins and men with little experience. The truth is that EVERY MAN AND WOMAN WHEN ENTERING INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP STARTS OFF ON EQUAL GROUND. Its what happens next that matters and how much work you put into it that matters. Think of it as a race. Everyone is lined up at the start. The horn goes and most start running. Some run the wrong way, some run fast, some run slow some meander along nattering to others... Your currently standing at the start watching everyone else scratching your head. Start running! I have value to my friends and family when I give them advice. I clearly add value to my work environment. With every girl that you encounter, you need to give her a reason to pull her into your world. Is it interesting? Is it one of intrigue? Is it something she can gain a new experience from? From this perspective, I have very little to nothing to offer her at this point in time. My life isn't particularly interesting and I don't really know how to make a girl feel seduced. Right now, I have to focus on upping my value. I just recently got a new haircut, I am finally seeing results in the gym, and I'm learning more and more everyday. Especially in the way of skills. Every day I wake up, every single day, I start with the assumption that I know nothing. I am just a child and a student. It is through that way I can push myself aside and learn from people. Thanks for your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ryan all of that is all very good and well but you have to want to do these things for yourself rather than so you can "pull"... One of the greatest initial things you can give a woman is your smile! Everybody leads an interesting life. You may not think it at the moment but you do. You meet new people you are involved with what is going on around you, you have interests and ideas. When people first meet me they feel comfortable and think I lead this amazing life simply because I can spin a yarn. I can tell a story about something that probably happens to people every single day. Example. Every day I drive down the same stretch of road. Most nights I see a particular deer and I often look out for her. Last night she had her new born fawn with her, could only be a couple of days old at most and is a muntjac so absolutely tiny... I stopped and watched her teach her baby to climb through the fence and away from the road. It was gorgeous and wonderful watching them interact... one of those magic moments that stay with you forever... I could go on... Now if that had been you I am guessing that you would say something along the lines of I saw a baby deer and be done with it... NEVER EVER "push yourself aside". That is the worst thing you could possibly ever do. If anything you should concentrate more on bringing YOURSELF forward. It is your values, beliefs, hobbies, sense of humor etc that will bring value to a relationship... Be yourself because trying to be someone else is so exhausting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryan R. Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Ryan all of that is all very good and well but you have to want to do these things for yourself rather than so you can "pull"... One of the greatest initial things you can give a woman is your smile! Everybody leads an interesting life. You may not think it at the moment but you do. You meet new people you are involved with what is going on around you, you have interests and ideas. When people first meet me they feel comfortable and think I lead this amazing life simply because I can spin a yarn. I can tell a story about something that probably happens to people every single day. Example. Every day I drive down the same stretch of road. Most nights I see a particular deer and I often look out for her. Last night she had her new born fawn with her, could only be a couple of days old at most and is a muntjac so absolutely tiny... I stopped and watched her teach her baby to climb through the fence and away from the road. It was gorgeous and wonderful watching them interact... one of those magic moments that stay with you forever... I could go on... Now if that had been you I am guessing that you would say something along the lines of I saw a baby deer and be done with it... NEVER EVER "push yourself aside". That is the worst thing you could possibly ever do. If anything you should concentrate more on bringing YOURSELF forward. It is your values, beliefs, hobbies, sense of humor etc that will bring value to a relationship... Be yourself because trying to be someone else is so exhausting... I'm doing all of these in a strong attempt to be closer to my best self. Some call it "self-actualization". The ego needs to be displaced in order to progress, "ego death" is actually the best route of self-discovery. I do not think I lead an interesting life as of yet. My goal is to have a great sexual and social life because it is opposite of what I am experiencing now. Actually, social isn't that bad. But sexual is a dead zone. I need to change that. Thanks for your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have to agree with the op to an extent. You have to bring something, ANYTHING to the table. A lot of guys simply have nothing going for them, just perfectly average in all aspects of life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) All it means is that I need to become a better man. Every day I'm getting better but I need to increase my value. Learn new skills. Become better looking. That's what life's all about. Not just existing. I just wish I knew this earlier, it would have saved me a lot of grief. You mentioned you got a new hair-cut. does that add value in terms of making you are better quality bf? If you were a bit scruffy before it can for an alternate type girl though scruffy can be okay if its part of an edgy/alt/street/surfer/adventurer or whatever type look. It depends on what types of girls you are wanting to attract, There are a few people on here who give some of the struggling guys (not so much the struggling women) a bit of stick over being more of a catch in terms of bringing quality to the dating table. I can't totally disagree with them, but sometimes the focus on developing a lot of desirable attributes does come off a bit overly judgmental imo. It really depends on what sort of girl the guy is wanting to attract. There are a lot of very ordinary people out there that get accepted for relationships for who they are without having to be a catch. Of course improving yourself to be a catch is a good concept as it will increase your prospects and garner you better quality prospects. If you are very ordinary looking and want a cute girl then you will need to make up for your lack of looks with other positives in your life to compensate. Are you asking for anything more in a gf that you already can deliver? Edited October 29, 2014 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryan R. Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 You mentioned you got a new hair-cut. does that add value in terms of making you are better quality bf? If you were a bit scruffy before it can for an alternate type girl though scruffy can be okay if its part of an edgy/alt/street/surfer/adventurer or whatever type look. It depends on what types of girls you are wanting to attract, There are a few people on here who give some of the struggling guys (not so much the struggling women) a bit of stick over being more of a catch in terms of bringing quality to the dating table. I can't totally disagree with them, but sometimes the focus on developing a lot of desirable attributes does come off a bit overly judgmental imo. It really depends on what sort of girl the guy is wanting to attract. There are a lot of very ordinary people out there that get accepted for relationships for who they are without having to be a catch. Of course improving yourself to be a catch is a good concept as it will increase your prospects and garner you better quality prospects. If you are very ordinary looking and want a cute girl then you will need to make up for your lack of looks with other positives in your life to compensate. Are you asking for anything more in a gf that you already can deliver? Well, my haircut is an attempt with my new fashion sense to be able to be more attractive and on the radar for more girls. I don't necessarily care about being in a relationship at this point and seeing it as an end-game is a good way to short circuit your goals. Let's say your major relationship goal is to get a girlfriend. Ok, that's great. What happens when you do get one? The goal is too narrowly defined. To me, I see getting good with women as a contribution to my overall self. I want to increase my interpersonal skills and this is one way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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