Sweett Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I've already posted my story in the breakup section. It has been a year and I cannot seem to get over being dumped by my ex who is now engaged to the girl he started courting while he was with me. Everybody tells me it wasn't my fault, cheaters have low self esteem,and I can do better but why can't I see this!?? I've known him since high school and we reconnected in 2009 and began a 1.5 year relationship which was only great for about 6 months before the arguing got really bad. When we argued he had to have the last word and win it no matter how below the belt he would hit with his words. He would always say the relationship was not working everytime we argued and instead of truly working on things it's like he was looking for a way out. if u love someone that's not right, let alone go and start an emotional affair with someone 7 years younger!!! I can't stop thinking well maybe he's changed his ways for her and I was terrible. I constantly beat myself and think what have I done to deserve this! When he dumped me he said he needed space and wasn't ready for a serious relationship! This was a year ago and now he's engaged. How did he change so fast!??? Counseling doesn't seem to be helping! I dont know what to do, but I want peace of mind! Please help! Somebody please respond! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I'm sorry you are hurting. You have to stop fixating on yourself and try to forget about him. He didn't treat you well. I would feel sorry for his fiancee. Try to be glad he is gone. He may be cheater on her now. Screw that bozo. You can find someone better. Focus on you, not him. Do thinks you like to do. Be good to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Everybody tells me it wasn't my fault, cheaters have low self esteem,and I can do better but why can't I see this!?? When he dumped me he said he needed space and wasn't ready for a serious relationship! This was a year ago and now he's engaged. How did he change so fast!??? Counseling doesn't seem to be helping! I dont know what to do, but I want peace of mind! Please help! Somebody please respond! 1) Is it because you still have feelings for him? 2) My guess is that he didn't change. If he was a cheater, he was a liar. Thus, his reasons for leaving the relationship were lies. 3) I too am frustrated with my lack of progress from counseling. My advice? Depending on how many sessions you have had, seek out a new counselor. In the meantime, keep posting on this great site and find chatrooms where you can talk to people in real-time about your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Think of everything negative about him, and write it down. It could be that they just get along a lot better, but there's a good chance that anything you didn't like about him, is something that she will eventually deal with, too. We always seem to think that they move on and magically become these great people, always happy, never hurting, but they don't. I know that someone who was a right dick to me, if you'll excuse my wording, was in a relationship, but they broke up, and he was back to being the miserable <expletive> that he was before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Anela: thanks, a friend told me to do the same thing as far as writing down all the negatives.I hope I get through this soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 I feel stupid for saying this but I do still have feelings for him. At the end he even said he never loved me and was with me almost 2 years and constantly said he loved me, bought me nice things and took me nice places. If he didn't love me why'd he do these things??I truly feel Like I've been abused! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 He loved you then but he loves someone else now. That is all you need to know. Start doing things for yourself and stop wasting energy thinking of him. You can't change him and you can't change the past. You can only change yourself. Before you met him you had hopes, wishes and dreams. They may be the same now or have changed. Write them down and focus on making at least one come true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 What he did to you was wrong. Your problem right now is that you still feel like a victim. It is hard to move on when you feel you have been victimized and wronged by someone. But that's over now and he can't hurt you anymore if you don't let him. I would look for ways to make yourself feel more empowered. What warning signs will you look for next time? What lessons can you learn from this experience to ensure that you don't date someone like that again? FitChick and Coping gave you good advice. Find things that make you happy and do them. It may also help to write a letter telling him how he has made you a better person. Because you're learning to be stronger. Because you know you deserve better than him and you will recognize his type from a mile away from now on, etc. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons you can think of. But don't ever send it to him; keep it somewhere safe and read it whenever you feel down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 What he did to you was wrong. Your problem right now is that you still feel like a victim. It is hard to move on when you feel you have been victimized and wronged by someone. But that's over now and he can't hurt you anymore if you don't let him. I would look for ways to make yourself feel more empowered. What warning signs will you look for next time? What lessons can you learn from this experience to ensure that you don't date someone like that again? FitChick and Coping gave you good advice. Find things that make you happy and do them. It may also help to write a letter telling him how he has made you a better person. Because you're learning to be stronger. Because you know you deserve better than him and you will recognize his type from a mile away from now on, etc. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons you can think of. But don't ever send it to him; keep it somewhere safe and read it whenever you feel down. You are right I still feel like a victim because I put so much trust in him and I thought we'd get married because we talked about it! After a year it still feels like a fresh wound! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I'm sorry you are hurting. You have to stop fixating on yourself and try to forget about him. He didn't treat you well. I would feel sorry for his fiancee. Try to be glad he lf. Sorry, I meant to say that you have to stop fixating on HIM and focus on yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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