Wish it would all go away...

[Inflikted]

I believe I've suffered from depression for a while now (I've never been able to afford to get a proper diagnosis, but the symptoms seem to match up), and for some unexplained reason, it just hit me really bad last night. Like, I didn't get any sleep at all, kind of bad. At one point, I even broke down, and I don't even know why; it just sort of came over me... I felt so stupid...

 

The thing of it is, I'm... sick of life. Don't get me wrong, I would never try to take my own life, but I just don't want to be alive anymore. I'm useless, I have nothing to contribute to the world, or to anyone. I have nothing in life to look forward to. At this point, I'm just waiting for old age to hit me and end my miserable existence. Unfortunately, that's another 50-60 years away, meaning I have quite a lot more time stuck in my black hole of a life.

 

I'm not looking to place blame as to why my life is the way it is. I'm not the "angsty" type that blames everyone and everything for "screwing my life up". Actually, I understand that most, if not all, of it is my fault. If I blame anyone, I blame me. I have the "tools" to have a better, happier life, but I've never been able to make it happen for myself. My fears, doubts, anxieties, trust issues, etc. all have such a strong, tight grip on me, that I can't get away from it.

 

I just wish it would all go away... It's been hard enough having to live like this for as long as I have, I don't know how I'm going to hold onto any sliver of sanity in the remaining 50-60 years of my life.

[dixiepix]

Start jumping rope or jogging when you are down. Exercise, exercise, exercise. It will increase you endorphin levels and the newer fit body you will gain will also give you a boost of confidence. If you currently have no goals, dreams or anything, then it can't hurt right? If you take the time to stop feeling sorry for yourself for an hour everyday, you will be surprised how much better you will feel in 3 weeks, and if you go jog/walk in a public place, you will probably meet new friends who are also trying to exercise their concerns away and begin to build a life you can enjoy. = )