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Why do some people seem to struggle all their lives when others seem to never suffer?


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Old 7th May 2012, 3:15 AM   #1
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Why do some people seem to struggle all their lives when others seem to never suffer?

Why do some people seem to struggle all their lives when others seem to never suffer?

It can't be just plain bad luck (I don't believe in good or bad luck...just cause and effect).

Is it just your fault that things continue to go wrong in your life - or can other people contribute to your lack of success?

Finally, what if despite your best efforts...you still continue to falter and are no closer to achieving your goals than when you started?

I just don't understand. Help me out here.
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Old 7th May 2012, 3:38 AM   #2
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you make choices, you have free will and control, so whatever happens is one's own fault
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Old 7th May 2012, 3:49 AM   #3
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While I agree with you that we have free will and make our own choices, I have to disagree with you that whatever happens is just one's own fault. There are always external factors at play that influence the outcome.

Unless you're saying that it's the person's inability to maneuver around those external factors successfully is what causes the failure?

Last edited by writergal; 7th May 2012 at 3:51 AM..
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Old 7th May 2012, 4:44 AM   #4
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We can make choices to a certain extent, but things like abuse, poverty, ill health, or the country we're born in, which could be torn apart by war, are circumstance we have no control in, or call it bad luck, and could happen to anybody regardless of 'choices'. What choice does a woman have if she's raped and never fully recovers from it, or someone who has terrible injuries from a car crash, maybe they were hit by a drunk driver, was that their choice?


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you make choices, you have free will and control, so whatever happens is one's own fault
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Old 7th May 2012, 4:51 AM   #5
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Some people have a rough time in life but still manage to focus on the good and find the things to smile about.

The external environment is not where you find happiness or success.
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Old 7th May 2012, 4:52 AM   #6
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External factors always play a part.
It is up to us how we react to certain situations, like rape or disability, or job losses, or r/ship break ups, but we are all different, with different strengths and weaknesses, different genetic make up, different upbringings and backgrounds, all of which affect the way we cope with problems in life.
Someone who had a very supportive, loving childhood for example, will probably be more likely to cope with the crap life throws at us, they will have the skills to cope with it, the confidence and strength to cope with it, the courage to know they can deal with it as that's what they were taught.
I think people with a supportive circle of friends is more likely to handle things better too.

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While I agree with you that we have free will and make our own choices, I have to disagree with you that whatever happens is just one's own fault. There are always external factors at play that influence the outcome.

Unless you're saying that it's the person's inability to maneuver around those external factors successfully is what causes the failure?
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Old 7th May 2012, 4:54 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by HeavenOrHell View Post
We can make choices to a certain extent, but things like abuse, poverty, ill health, or the country we're born in, which could be torn apart by war, are circumstance we have no control in, or call it bad luck, and could happen to anybody regardless of 'choices'. What choice does a woman have if she's raped and never fully recovers from it, or someone who has terrible injuries from a car crash, maybe they were hit by a drunk driver, was that their choice?
This is true... But it is THEIR responsibility how they respond to these things.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. One can choose to suffer, or to not suffer.
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Old 7th May 2012, 5:01 AM   #8
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Why do some people seem to struggle all their lives when others seem to never suffer?
The operative word here, is 'seem'.....

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It can't be just plain bad luck (I don't believe in good or bad luck...just cause and effect).
No, there is 'luck'... otherwise, according to you, it's all predetermined....
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Is it just your fault that things continue to go wrong in your life - or can other people contribute to your lack of success?
I don't like the word 'fault'... 'fault' implies blame, implies guilt, implies negativity.
the better word is 'Responsibility'.

And yes, it is YOUR responsibility, because ultimately, everything you think, say and do, is your choice.
It's under your control. You can choose, at any one given moment, what you decide to do faced with any incident you care to mention.
It all begins with you, in your mind, in your receptors - how you perceive things - and the buck stops here.
The analogy is that of a lighthouse- No matter what is occurring with the elements, the sea, the sun, the ebb and flow of the tide, and the coming and going of the ships - you remain constant and resolute, unfazed and immoveable.

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Finally, what if despite your best efforts...you still continue to falter and are no closer to achieving your goals than when you started?
I just don't understand. Help me out here.
It's very simple:

You're making the wrong choices, because more often than not, we act on impulse, without thinking things through properly, and we consider through emotions, and emotions are hardly ever logical.
Change the way you think - and you'll change the way things happen.
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Old 7th May 2012, 5:22 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeavenOrHell View Post
We can make choices to a certain extent, but things like abuse, poverty, ill health, or the country we're born in, which could be torn apart by war, are circumstance we have no control in, or call it bad luck, and could happen to anybody regardless of 'choices'. What choice does a woman have if she's raped and never fully recovers from it, or someone who has terrible injuries from a car crash, maybe they were hit by a drunk driver, was that their choice?
yes, i had hoped to put accross a point about being in control, not all the time that's not possible, but without looking carefully at what situations you are being invited/drawn to and looking at the motives of new people in your life who instigate such new situations, and then being in control and then deciding to get involved or not could save angst later on, could, i say, but i have definitely learned about caution, i mean just that really

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Old 7th May 2012, 5:33 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
Why do some people seem to struggle all their lives when others seem to never suffer?
Multiple factors I'm sure, but in part, never forget that life is an ongoing IQ test.
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Old 7th May 2012, 7:48 AM   #11
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Change the way you think - and you'll change the way things happen.
But what of situations which are largely beyond our own personal control, such as the economy? My suffering derives mostly from circumstances which seem largely beyond my control.
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Old 7th May 2012, 8:00 AM   #12
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I've been told that I seem to live a charmed life.

I know I face the same challenges other people do, in life, in love, in friendship, in work. The main difference, I would say, is that I probably take more risks than most people around me and fall on my face more often - and I fall with as much grace as I can muster. That's because I also am pretty good at picking myself up and moving on.

The truth about failure and success is this: Success is visible. Failure rarely is. People see where I've succeeded. Success is what stays with you in the long term. Failures, by definition, are in the past. Here's another truth about success: success begets success.

Risk more, learn from your mistakes, accept that not everything is under your control, like yourself and success will follow.
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Old 7th May 2012, 8:02 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Million.to.1 View Post
This is true... But it is THEIR responsibility how they respond to these things.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. One can choose to suffer, or to not suffer.
So if a guy rapes a woman and she suffers because of it, it's the womans fault and not the guys?
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Old 7th May 2012, 8:26 AM   #14
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Ross, there are two types of suffering:
The physical actual 'pain' of the moment - and the mental pain of perpetuation of the experience.

I have absolutely no qualms whatsoever in telling you I was raped as a young girl, by the son of a close family friend.
The man was never brought to justice, and i only told people about this a long time after the event.

At the time, the experience was frightening, and horrendous.
Now?
I've moved on, and I don't feel the effects of the experience, any more.
I really give a damn.

But I had to drop that emotional perpetuation myself.

It was a choice I made - carry on the mental anguish long after the event was over and done with - to keep carrying it around as a negative reminder and emotional burden, or let it go, release myself from the weight and pain and suffering, and look ahead, not back.

I chose the latter.
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Old 7th May 2012, 8:40 AM   #15
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Ross, there are two types of suffering:
The physical actual 'pain' of the moment - and the mental pain of perpetuation of the experience.

I have absolutely no qualms whatsoever in telling you I was raped as a young girl, by the son of a close family friend.
The man was never brought to justice, and i only told people about this a long time after the event.

At the time, the experience was frightening, and horrendous.
Now?
I've moved on, and I don't feel the effects of the experience, any more.
I really give a damn.

But I had to drop that emotional perpetuation myself.

It was a choice I made - carry on the mental anguish long after the event was over and done with - to keep carrying it around as a negative reminder and emotional burden, or let it go, release myself from the weight and pain and suffering, and look ahead, not back.

I chose the latter.
Sorry about what happened.

I think for some people though it's very hard to just choose to not feel pain anymore and be happy. That's how it is for me anyway, even though I am trying to work on myself to make myself happier, to stop feeling as much pain, and to my life better.
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