"finding yourself"

[106rob]

right i have herd the term "find yourself" on most threads iv read on here after a break up,but if im honest im not quite sure what it means?

 

so whats the definition on "finding yourself" and how do you doit lol?

 

i would realy love to start trying to "find myself" as i think im well and turely lost as the min!

 

cheers

[TaraMaiden]

Finding yourself means being able to look in the mirror, see the whole person in the raw (Both metaphorically and really), flaws and all, yet say out loud, "I really truly love you, exactly the way you are. You're a pretty cool person, with their feet on the ground and a thorougly likeable person!"

 

And absolutely mean it.

[Thierro]

For me it is finding peace within me. Knowing that I have a good heart. That I do my best and that I appreciate life. Knowing that I am able to do everything that I want. Having a mind that is not holding me back with insecurities or false believes. Not being too hard on myself or judging others.

 

Having the right and power to decide how anybody, myself or anything outside ourselves will affect us.

Being free of fear, regret, arrogance, greed, guilt, resentment, inferiority, pride, superiority, ego.

 

Holding on to love, hope, sharing, humility, kindness, empathy, truth and compassion.

 

Wanting to do the right thing and be happy about who I am.

[denise_xo]

 

so whats the definition on "finding yourself" and how do you doit lol?

 

 

My personal definition is maintaining a connection with the sacred inside me (which gets a bit too metaphysical/ religous sounding for a lot of people). There are thousands of metaphors for 'finding yourself' (psychological, religious, spiritual etc.) and IMO it doesn't really matter what you call it and how you package it, the important thing is living it. I agree with a lot of the things that TaraMaiden and Thierro are saying about what it means in practice. In addition, it is also a lot about letting go of attachments in life (to people, to things), which is important especially after break ups.

 

How do you do it? It's a matter of finding out what works for you. To maintain that kind of state, I need to do things like meditate, be in nature at regular intervals, spend some time with healthy and inspirational people, do yoga, look after my physical health (exercise and eat well), work at tuning in (and out when necessary) with people I have around me, I have also used counselling and there's a lot of literature and music around that I find helpful.

 

You can check out the 'self-help/ self-development' section of any book store, you'll probably find a bunch of different approaches to thinking about 'finding yourself' (some more convincing than others...) and maybe something there will help you take it further. If you look at Thierro's thread a bit further down in this section, someone gave him some good literature tips I think.

[Thierro]

Here are the books that Denise is referring to:

 

Eckhart Tolle- Practicing the power of now

Dalai Lama- The art of happiness

Dalai Lama- How to see yourself as you really are

Dalai Lama- The way of a meaningful life

Thich Nhat Hanh- The Art of Power

Sakyong Mipham- Ruling Your World, by

Freeman and DeWolf- Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

 

The thing to finding yourself is based on the now. You are not defined by your past. The past is nothing. The future only holds expectations and not reality; so don’t bother your mind living expectations. Only the ‘now’ is who you are.

I would recommend what Tara is saying; get naked and stand in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. It is very hard in the beginning, but you need to accept en love what you see. You need to be thankful that you are healthy, have both legs and arms. Accept everything that is. Go with the current. Anticipate on life with a good mindset about who you are and what you do. Don’t regret things when you do things you believe that are right.

 

Others can’t define you without your permission. Others can’t bring you down without your permission. Be in control over your own mind. It can be poisonous and very irrational. It can also take you down. Be free in all the ways you can be; free from every negative thought. You are what you want to be, you are what you believe you are.

 

The last couple of years I have been damaged by my own mental errors. My mind was/is my own worst nightmare. It created what I thought; the self-fulfilling prophecy. It created insecurities by saying; You don’t look good enough, you are not smart enough, you are not treating your girlfriend the best you can and so on. It took me down. But that’s ok, I learned from it. You need to be strong and shut down the inner voice that is pushing you down with negative thoughts. Sure, even now I at this very moment I am still fighting against my own mind. My mind is blocking me. English isn’t my mother tongue, so I am always doubting if my English is understandable enough without too many grammatical errors. It will take a long time to really love yourself.

 

I wish you all the best conquering yourself and deleting all that holds you back.

Edited August 6, 2010 by Thierro

[Meaplus3]

Finding yourself means being able to look in the mirror, see the whole person in the raw (Both metaphorically and really), flaws and all, yet say out loud, "I really truly love you, exactly the way you are. You're a pretty cool person, with their feet on the ground and a thorougly likeable person!"

 

And absolutely mean it.

 

Right on Tara. I agree 100%!

 

Mea:)

[denise_xo]

 

The thing to finding yourself is based on the now..

 

If you want to follow up on this key concept, google 'mindfulness'.

[rp123]

The aftermath of my Break, has lead me on an extraordinary path of self discovery.

 

It the most fundamental journey of all. I wish you well on your voyage. It is a voyage that so few really undertake.

 

Be ready for some surprises! For to really know who you are is to be free of yourself......

 

Only you can chart your course.

 

-R-

[skydiveaddict]

I couldnt tell you. I'm still so screwed up that I havent "found myself " yet. I wish you better kuck

[Ronni_W]

so whats the definition on "finding yourself" and how do you do it lol?

It's also about getting to know who you are/want to be and what you stand for. What's your purpose/mission; what's your passion? What do you value; what are you prepared to fight/die for; what will you NOT tolerate? What would you choose for your personal "mission statement"?

What do you want to accomplish in the areas of: primary relationship, children/family, career/own business, friends/social, money/finances, fitness/health, faith/spirit, fun/hobbies?

 

One way to figure out some of it is to consider how you'd like to be eulogized -- once you know how you'd like to be remembered, then you'll have useful clues about the kind of values to uphold, codes to live by and goals to pursue/achieve during your lifetime.