Does my BF have Borderline Personality Disorder?

[LILY82]

Hi

 

I have been dating a guy who lives in another city for around 5months.we met in a bar and he comes to my city every 2weeks for work purposes.the status of our relationship changes constantly from lovers to friends which is all of his choice.basically while he is clearly messing me about and not totally aware of what he wants he does not want to loose me or so he says.I was talking to a friend of mine and explaining some other reservations I had about this guy whom I clearly like and she says it sounds mildly indicative that he may have some kind of personality disorder.the reasons are as follows.

 

1]In the build up to our first proper date he bombarded me with overwhelming affection.We had only communicated through text messages.He referred to me as a blessing,a wonderful part of his life ,the person who makes him strong and with whom he would do anything for,that he felt he could do anything as I was there with him!.while this was flattering and I did get carried away I was aware that we had only met once, drunk in a bar and chatted for 20mins before swapping numbers.I felt he should have met me first before making such statements.after our first weekend together he continued with his overwhelming affections which i must confess i liked until about the 3rd date.

 

2]He has a subtle way of criticizing certain things in my life but in a way where I cant totally accuse him of being critical.He is overwhelmingly nice to my friends to their faces but then as soon as they leave he is extremely critical.He meanwhile insists that I meet his friends and hopes that I like them .

 

3]When drunk is prone to selfish,almost violent outburst of rage and temper.He has not acted like this towards me but so far to strangers.He has a wild look in his eyes.I know drunk and disorderly behavior is not wholly indicative but he makes big critical judgments about other peoples actions when drunk.conveniently forgetting his own loss of temper and actions when so.

 

4]During one night out after feeling that I was being a little too controlled I calmly and politely excused myself from the party.Only for him to suddenly burst into tears and acuse me of not finding him attractive[he even implied that I had told him so]and that he felt I was too good for him,that he was a disaster.After agreeing to stay and comforting him he then proceeded to criticize my friend .

 

5]He does make joking,casual references to suicide when under pressure or when admitting he misses me.statements like "its ok im not going to jump of a bridge".despite the jokey nature of this its quite out of context.

 

6]I sometimes feel like i am doing all the work.when i dont he begins a message with "i have not heard from in...you must be busy " or lets me know that he is really busy at work but just wanted to find the time to say.../This does not really matter but he has not ever started a chat with "hi how are you?".When he is coming to visit he often tells me he will be in my city over this period of time but then its left to me to ask him out to meet.he always says yes and we have a great time but am aware that its me who does the asking when he reveals he is around.

 

7]He of course can be caring,considerate and lovely.Always there in a crisis and shows great concern in the suffering of those close to him.which i find beautiful.He without provocation apologies for his own shortcomings and for messing me about which is clearly shows great self awareness.

 

8]When I attempted to tackle him about his criticisms,controlling behavior and the way in which he messes me about he accused me of attempting to portray him as an "evil person",that it was me whom was emotionally blackmailing him and that he was not rude to my friend he just never spoke to her!.In the aftermath of that argument when things cooled down [and I apologized!!!!]he said we should forgive each other and show empathy and referred to me a lovely, gentle person.

 

9]He goes through periods of telling me [almost boasting]how many people fancy him,how he does not fancy them etc

 

The guy has a very good successful career which makes me unsure about this but the burning question is he borderline personality disorder?