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Married to an Alcoholic


Addiction & Recovery Recognizing, conquering, and coping with addictions, substance abuse & dependence.

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Old 3rd January 2017, 11:26 AM   #1
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Married to an Alcoholic

Good morning LoveShack! I'm going to keep this post as short and sweet as possible. I've been married for 2 years to an alcoholic who tends to become enraged when drinking. He doesn't do it to get a buzz, he drinks to get blackout wasted. His father was a drug addict who wasn't in his life at all, his mother was a falling down drunk (and still is). He didn't start drinking heavily until about 2 months after we got married.

Recently we had a nice little breakthrough where he admitted he had a dependence on alcohol. He said that it allows him to relax and communicate better with me, but almost all of our issues stem from what he's said when he's drunk. I've asked him to work on it and he has off and on. He will not go to AA meetings and doesn't want to go back to marriage counseling because our counselor was a looney tune.

SO, my question is: What are some ideas to help your significant other battle this disease? What are your personal experiences? Thanks in advance!
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:13 PM   #2
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Good morning LoveShack! I'm going to keep this post as short and sweet as possible. I've been married for 2 years to an alcoholic who tends to become enraged when drinking. He doesn't do it to get a buzz, he drinks to get blackout wasted. His father was a drug addict who wasn't in his life at all, his mother was a falling down drunk (and still is). He didn't start drinking heavily until about 2 months after we got married.

Recently we had a nice little breakthrough where he admitted he had a dependence on alcohol. He said that it allows him to relax and communicate better with me, but almost all of our issues stem from what he's said when he's drunk. I've asked him to work on it and he has off and on. He will not go to AA meetings and doesn't want to go back to marriage counseling because our counselor was a looney tune.

SO, my question is: What are some ideas to help your significant other battle this disease? What are your personal experiences? Thanks in advance!
Honestly, run & get yourself into allnon meetings. There isn't anything you can do but not deal with it. He doesn't want help, you can't control his behavior, only your own. Good luck
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:18 PM   #3
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There's absolutely nothing you can do for him if he won't seek help, but you should get some help and support for yourself. There are a number of organisations you can call. Check local information.


Take care.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:21 PM   #4
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I didn't know that was a thing! Thank you for sharing!
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:23 PM   #5
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There's absolutely nothing you can do for him if he won't seek help, but you should get some help and support for yourself. There are a number of organisations you can call. Check local information.


Take care.
Apparently I've been searching for help in all the wrong places, more focused on getting him help than myself. I'm excited to connect with people in similar situations to mine
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:33 PM   #6
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I didn't know that was a thing! Thank you for sharing!
Yes, yes, yes! It's just like an AA meeting but for those who live with addicts! It's very helpful & free!
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Old 3rd January 2017, 12:44 PM   #7
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Yes, yes, yes! It's just like an AA meeting but for those who live with addicts! It's very helpful & free!
I'm not going to lie, I'm super excited!!! None of my family has had to deal with the situations I've been presented with, and I never want to put my husband down to them. I'm fairly young, so my friends are all single and don't understand why I can't just leave him. It's been a huge struggle that I didn't think that I could handle, but am trying my hardest. I can't wait to be a part of a support group that are struggling and coping with the same things I am!
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Old 3rd January 2017, 1:30 PM   #8
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I'm not going to lie, I'm super excited!!! None of my family has had to deal with the situations I've been presented with, and I never want to put my husband down to them. I'm fairly young, so my friends are all single and don't understand why I can't just leave him. It's been a huge struggle that I didn't think that I could handle, but am trying my hardest. I can't wait to be a part of a support group that are struggling and coping with the same things I am!
They'll treat you like family...now does it mean your marriage can be saved, I don't know but at least you'll be speaking & meeting people that do understand your struggle & can give you some really good advice as they get to know you.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 1:34 PM   #9
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Alcoholism is a disease and will not cure itself without help.Your husband needs to know what triggers his drinking and work on that.Al Anon is a great help to people in your situation but in the long run if your husband does not seek help it will probably be in your best interest to run from this marriage.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 2:14 PM   #10
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I'm going to an al-anon meeting on Sunday! Thanks everyone!
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Old 4th January 2017, 7:41 PM   #11
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Good morning LoveShack! I'm going to keep this post as short and sweet as possible. I've been married for 2 years to an alcoholic who tends to become enraged when drinking. He doesn't do it to get a buzz, he drinks to get blackout wasted. His father was a drug addict who wasn't in his life at all, his mother was a falling down drunk (and still is). He didn't start drinking heavily until about 2 months after we got married.

Recently we had a nice little breakthrough where he admitted he had a dependence on alcohol. He said that it allows him to relax and communicate better with me, but almost all of our issues stem from what he's said when he's drunk. I've asked him to work on it and he has off and on. He will not go to AA meetings and doesn't want to go back to marriage counseling because our counselor was a looney tune.

SO, my question is: What are some ideas to help your significant other battle this disease? What are your personal experiences? Thanks in advance!
He doesn't have to go to AA meetings but he needs to see someone who specializes in substance abuse treatment -- that's a necessity. There may be other options than AA, which is based on strict abstinence and religious philosophical mumbo jumbo. AA might work for a lot of people but not everyone. Google substance abuse specialists in your area.
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Old 5th January 2017, 8:55 AM   #12
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Unfortunately, he refuses any kind of professional help. He acknowledged that he had a problem, but thinks he can fix it on his own. The problem is that he never makes any attempts to quit drinking, or if he does, it lasts for only a few days.
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Old 5th January 2017, 9:24 AM   #13
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This site is very useful--the forum and members of 'Friends and Family of Alcoholics' provide some great support!

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
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Old 5th January 2017, 9:26 AM   #14
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This site is very useful--the forum and members of 'Friends and Family of Alcoholics' provide some great support!

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Thank you!!
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Old 20th February 2017, 7:43 AM   #15
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it's sad...
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