My boyfriend is an ex-cocaine addict, or is he...?

[nynicole]

hey guys- i am new here, found this ubb while actually trying to find an answer to the question i am about to ask..

 

first, let me explain. i am a 20 year old female whose father up and left the family of myself and 2 young brothers about 2 years ago. he had a major major cocaine problem. he had 3 successful businesses (millions) but the drugs took over and now we just get by. anyway, trying to make this as short as possible (as i couldd write a novel).. i met my boyfriend Feb. 2004. He WAS a cocaine addict and actually took a line in front of me while trying to 'pick me up'. The instant a friend of mine said "Hey, Nicole will NOT have anything to do with nor DATE someone that uses" he supposedly threw his arms in the air and said "shes worth it"..

 

Well, 11 months later I am desperately in love.. He has on about 2-3 occassions gone behind my back and used. He hasn't TOLD me, I have found out thru whatever source, confrunted him, and then he'll deny but admit moments later.

 

Anyway, he used for about 4 years before we met and now he constantly sniffs and blames it on either

A) A "cold" (for 11 months? hmm..)

B) He used for so long that his naval cavity is corroded and has a hole in it

 

Now, I have never used so what do I know but is this possible or is he really using more than I think?? Why is he always sniffing?

 

Only once did I somewhat notice he had used. He came back to my house, hyper, in a rush, and his jaw going 100 mph. He was also different 'in bed' saying things while having sex he never ever had done before. I had stopped in the middle and said "What is WRONG with you..." and he got mad I thought he was using and whatever and I just shrugged it off but 2 months later just found out he had infact used that day.

 

 

Is the continual sniffing real? How can I tell he has used?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Unless he tells you, or you have first hand reliable knowledge that he is (ie-someone saw him doing it) - then you won't know 100% without a drug test.

 

The chances that he is still using are very high. Particularly if he has never sought any help for his addiction. The drug is almost always stronger than the person's will to stop it, and often nothing short of intervention and/or rehab is going to stop a person's habit.

 

If you think he's doing it, and you are overlooking the signs - ignoring them, or explaining them away then you may not realize it but you are an enabler. You can purchase drug test kits to use at home. You have to put your foot down in the face of his denials and insist that he get a drug test. If he is overly defensive, angry, denying - basically doing anything he can to make you look like you are 'unreasonable' or 'are not willing to trust him', and refuses to be tested, then I think you know in your heart what the answer is.

 

He won't stop unless he decides that he has to, though. You can't make him stop. All you can do is not enable him, and hope that by doing so he will come to the decision on his own to go through recovery.