green_girl Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) Hello Everyone, I was with my husband for over 9 years, married 4 this year. I found out my husband was a Rx addict about 3 years ago. It torn my relationship, our friends, and families apart. I always suspected he was a user but then he started to get sloppy and leave pills around the house, under the bed, in the bathroom. He worked in the restaurant business and would come home with no money. He would tell me it was just another slow night. He went from making $250 a night to $15 a night. For years i was the one paying all the bills, daycare, food, rent, car payments, anything school related. Just everything. A few times our heat got shut off and my mother had to bail is out an pay the bill or we would have no heat. With children I couldn't live without heat in New England winter. We finally had to move in with my parents so i could afford to live. A few months went by and i finally couldn't take it anymore. i kicked him out. Then a few weeks later i noticed i was missing jewelry, my mother was missing jewelry, and his own mother was missing jewelry. we went to all the cash for gold places around town and finally we found our jewelry...and guess who stole and sold it? Yup my HUSBAND. He was arrested. He finally only then broke down and told us of his addiction. He said he would try to be a better father, a better husband and son. a few months past and we decided to give it another try. We moved into a new place and 2 weeks later when i found out he didn't pay rent with the money i gave him. Our new neighbors came over and told us someone had stolen their jewelry. I told our neighbors in a private conversation that they needed to call The police and mention my husband name, his prior arrest, and what was stolen. It was him again. Again he came clean said he had been taking a drug for month sot make it so he would stop doing Rx drugs and when we moved in he had stopped and got hooked on Rx pills again. He was arrested again and went to jail for 3 weeks for breaking his probation. When i found out he had stolen from our neighbors i was emotionally detached at that very moment. I was ready to get the F outta there. But i couldn't because i still have 11 month to go on the lease. He has also been to jail 3 times i the last year for breaking probation and on house arrest for 3 weeks. he was going to a meth clinic before going to jail for the 3 week period. he wasn't getting meth in jail so he "kicked" the habit. He had random drug test 3 times a week for months then it dwindled down and now i think he has 1 a month. In the last 12 months he has 5 jobs, which he wasn't working for 3 out of those 12 months. Again making me pay for everything. I was getting up with the kids, I was taking them to school, i work 50 hours a week, i come home to him sleeping, i make dinner, i do everything. when i bring it up that I really needed help with things he just made me feel like i was crazy. He is really great at making me think I'm crazy. very good at manipulation. making himself a victim, that nothing was his fault, and i just need to relax. Its hard to relax when i put my whole heart, body, and soul into a relationship that is always one sided. Our lease was up a few months ago and i moved back in with my parents and our 2 children. He is on his 2nd job in the last 3 months. He only takes the kids when its convenient for him. And got in an accident with my car which cost me $1000 to fix, told me he'd pay half and i haven't seen a dime. Why is it that i can let a man drive me abs crazy, be 100% dependent on me, who is selfish, greedy, such a low life, drag me down to such lows. I was always a strong woman before i met him, I make good money, I am a great wife, mother, and daughter. I do have self esteem. But for some reason even though we are separated and I've met with a diverse lawyer, i just can't seem to let go and sign the papers. Its like the "D" word is not something i can even say to him. Im so upset that my hopes and dreams have been crushed by one person, the one person who was always supposed to be there. i know in my head and heart a Divorse is the right option, but why is it so hard letting go?? Edited August 7, 2014 by green_girl
Mrs Carter Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 but why is it so hard letting go?? because you have huge emotional issues. I'm guessing you come from a family of addicts (alcoholism?) and used to being around and dealing with addiction. 1
Author green_girl Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 alcoholic in family yes, but i dont see why that would make me have huge emotional issues.
M30USA Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Read some previous threads about how some people are attracted to chaos because peace of mind is boring to them.
tnimbus Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 There is the idea of wanting to "help" them as well, or "fix" them. That if you leave for your own well-being, that you are abandoning them. These ideas can get programmed into your head when you grow up in an addicted family, or a dysfunctional one. Chaos becomes the norm, and when it isn't present, something feels off. Yep, I grew up like that too, and went through years of friends and bf's who were always into some kind of trouble...the latest was an online gaming addict and alcoholic I had an EA with. When you "learn" all of this stuff as being "normal", you can't help but draw in people with problems and addictions. You can't fix them....and none of their issues are your fault...but you can "unlearn" the thoughts and behaviors that keep resulting in the same situations. You have to decide enough is enough!! You have to take care of you!!!...your soon to be ex has to want to fix himself, and do it himself. You have to walk away and let him do as he will. You have to walk away and work on yourself. It will be hard, but if you do it, you can have a much better and more peaceful life. Once you unlearn chaos, there's great happiness in having peace. I promise. I hope this help sin some way.
Author green_girl Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 i can understanding knowing and living with the chaos as normal. I guess i never looked at this way. being adhd and having only knowing and living in chaos i easily get bored. maybe you are right anything different would be boring. enough has to be enough. its to draining emotionally and financially. My children and myself need to start living relaxing peaceful lives. im afraid this man will never want to see his children if i just let him walk. i suppose that is his lose. their lose as well bit i need them to learn what it is like to be happy free and have a peaceful mindset.
AtraXion Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) Hello there, I have read your post. As i can see, your husband has been dependent on RX and he is now a low-level drug abuser. Have you tried asking him to go to treatment centers? Ask for the help of professional. Being in prison would not help him, it'll just make him crave more for drugs after being in prison. Edited October 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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