rosiewillford99 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 My husband was fired for watching child porn! He then lied to me over and over again, then the police showed up with a search warrent. He then took of running for days until money ran out. He,s back now say,s he was being a vigerlanti. Over the years he there have been many things i have questioned, but he could always explain them away. Like a strange charge on our credit card top a gay dating site. Letters sent from his email to yeat another gay site. Tranny porn on the computer. Now this, and i don't think we even know the truth and won't until it go's to court. The search warrent was for Possesion of child porn. Transmitting child porn and making of child porn. I'm afraid to stay as i don't trust him but also afraid to go. I am 60 and recently layed off from my job. Im looking but no luck so far. He has another job, working away. My heart is in tatters, and i have no idea where i will be in a year from now. My kids all want me to leave as he is there step father, and we have only been married for three years. But where do i go. Of course i know i could move in with them but it not faisr to put myself as well as financial on them. So its a tough call at least until this all go's to court. luluorange 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You are 60. Why would a woman your age put up with anything remotely like this!?!? This is sick. You need to leave that guy. And get yourself help. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My husband was fired for watching child porn! He then lied to me over and over again, then the police showed up with a search warrent. He then took of running for days until money ran out. He,s back now say,s he was being a vigerlanti. Over the years he there have been many things i have questioned, but he could always explain them away. Like a strange charge on our credit card top a gay dating site. Letters sent from his email to yeat another gay site. Tranny porn on the computer. Now this, and i don't think we even know the truth and won't until it go's to court. The search warrent was for Possesion of child porn. Transmitting child porn and making of child porn. I'm afraid to stay as i don't trust him but also afraid to go. I am 60 and recently layed off from my job. Im looking but no luck so far. He has another job, working away. My heart is in tatters, and i have no idea where i will be in a year from now. My kids all want me to leave as he is there step father, and we have only been married for three years. But where do i go. Of course i know i could move in with them but it not faisr to put myself as well as financial on them. So its a tough call at least until this all go's to court. luluorange I understand why you are heartbroken. I would be too. You need to leave him. Hurting children should have negative consequences for him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosiewillford99 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Leaving is not the problem its having money to do it! I need a job in order to get a place of my own. Everyday i am looking for work. But i agree this is all so sick. But i can tell you this will never be my norm. I am just trying to take one step at a time...... luluorange Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Leaving is not the problem its having money to do it! I need a job in order to get a place of my own. Everyday i am looking for work. But i agree this is all so sick. But i can tell you this will never be my norm. I am just trying to take one step at a time...... luluorange I think it would be good to go to a women's shelter or call and explain your situation. Hopefully even if they can't help you, they can possibly offer helpful advice and might be able to connect you to someone who can help you with transitional housing while you look for a job, as well as help you with the legal matters concerning your husband, as well as possibly help with counseling. You can look at Women's Shelters, Transitional Housing and find shelters near you and call them to see if they can help you in any way. That is what I would do. Even though you have not stated that your husband abused you, the police do think he has abused young people. I don't know if you can talk to the police and ask them for help in getting transitional housing and finding a job, but again, I don't think it would hurt to call women's shelters and explain your situation and ask them if they can help you with transitional housing in order to leave a person who is going to court for child porn. Also, even though I understand how you don't want to impose on your children, I think many adults would offer help to their Mom if their stepfather were charged with child porn. Many adults would not want their Moms to be with a person who hurts children. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You need to first disassociate yourself from him emotionally. Completely. He is not what you thought, he is not safe. Period. If he made porn in your home or even if you shared the computer...you could easily become a party to this. You NEED to move in with one of your children as soon as possible because he is going to jail. Count on it. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 You need to move out. I would think since your children (I assume they are grown?) want you to leave, then they would be more then willing to allow their mother to stay with them until you get back on your feet. You took care of them for many years, they can take care of you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 I hope he never was left alone with your grandchildren. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I left an abusive home with nothing but the clothes on my back and no job. The verbal and physical abuse by my mother was taking a toll on my mental health. While this situation is not ideal, I agree with BeTheButterfly when she speaks of women's shelters. I stayed in one until I found my own place and I went on welfare until I could find a job. You can do this. Best of luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosiewillford99 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 I left an abusive home with nothing but the clothes on my back and no job. The verbal and physical abuse by my mother was taking a toll on my mental health. While this situation is not ideal, I agree with BeTheButterfly when she speaks of women's shelters. I stayed in one until I found my own place and I went on welfare until I could find a job. You can do this. Best of luck. I know what i must do, its my fear and nerves that are holding me back. I know it gonna happen. Doctor has me on antidepressents just to get through the day. My body feels like it weighs ten tons. Funny thing is i used to work at the womens shelter in child support. I was the one trying to help other people. But can honestly say I never run into anything like this. And i heard lots of sad stories. luluorange Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I know what i must do, its my fear and nerves that are holding me back. I know it gonna happen. Doctor has me on antidepressents just to get through the day. My body feels like it weighs ten tons. Funny thing is i used to work at the womens shelter in child support. I was the one trying to help other people. But can honestly say I never run into anything like this. And i heard lots of sad stories. luluorange That is awesome that you helped other people. People helping people makes the world a better place. Sad to say, so many people need help because abuse is found in so many places. Now you need help because the abuse your husband has done to others. Please don't let the fear and nerves hold you back anymore, and please don't be ashamed to get help. Asking for help is admirable because it shows you respect yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Leaving is not the problem its having money to do it! I need a job in order to get a place of my own. Everyday i am looking for work. But i agree this is all so sick. But i can tell you this will never be my norm. I am just trying to take one step at a time...... luluorange Go stay with your kids. My god, under these circumstances I'm sure they would have NO problem with you staying with them for a few months or until you're ready to find a place of your own. DO IT. This is what family is all about. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HKcolon Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through this Luluorange xx You sound like a sweet woman. Keep in mind that YOU did not raise your husband, but you DID raise your kids. Your husband was probably screwed up long before you met each other. You raised your kids well though, and that is why they want you to stay with them. You raised them for many years, so go stay with them. I know if my mom were in this same situation, I would feel much better if she stayed with me. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 My husband was fired for watching child porn! He then lied to me over and over again, then the police showed up with a search warrent. He then took of running for days until money ran out. He,s back now say,s he was being a vigerlanti. Over the years he there have been many things i have questioned, but he could always explain them away. Like a strange charge on our credit card top a gay dating site. Letters sent from his email to yeat another gay site. Tranny porn on the computer. Now this, and i don't think we even know the truth and won't until it go's to court. The search warrent was for Possesion of child porn. Transmitting child porn and making of child porn. I'm afraid to stay as i don't trust him but also afraid to go. I am 60 and recently layed off from my job. Im looking but no luck so far. He has another job, working away. My heart is in tatters, and i have no idea where i will be in a year from now. My kids all want me to leave as he is there step father, and we have only been married for three years. But where do i go. Of course i know i could move in with them but it not faisr to put myself as well as financial on them. So its a tough call at least until this all go's to court. luluorange I can tell you I'm about 99.9% sure that he's guilty. The cops and the FBI have been monitoring child porn sites for years now (Sting Ops began in 2000 full force). You need to roll. Be a "burden" for right now, but get a part-time job if you are physically able...if not apply for assistance. You will be ok...maybe not right now, but instead of looking at future negatives, SEE the future posstives. Will this be hard? Yes. Will you become a better person? Yes. Something about hardship that can (if we let it) bring out the best in us. Good luck to you love! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtZ Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Please , please do not stay with this loser!! Your children are there for you, let them be -- some people do not have family who are willing to help them out. You are blessed in this regard. Do not stay with someone just because you are afraid of what will happen to you. Have faith that God will see you through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
teafortwo Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 hey luluorange, your in a tough spot. Obviously you should get out, leave him. But then i also understand why you feel you have to stay because you have no where to go and financialy you feel you caNT. This is a sad situation and I am sorry you are going through it. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this and get support. If you ever want to just chat and let it all out then I am here to listen. take care luluorange and keep me posted as to how things are going ok. t42 Link to post Share on other sites
teafortwo Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My husband was fired for watching child porn! He then lied to me over and over again, then the police showed up with a search warrent. He then took of running for days until money ran out. He,s back now say,s he was being a vigerlanti. Over the years he there have been many things i have questioned, but he could always explain them away. Like a strange charge on our credit card top a gay dating site. Letters sent from his email to yeat another gay site. Tranny porn on the computer. Now this, and i don't think we even know the truth and won't until it go's to court. The search warrent was for Possesion of child porn. Transmitting child porn and making of child porn. I'm afraid to stay as i don't trust him but also afraid to go. I am 60 and recently layed off from my job. Im looking but no luck so far. He has another job, working away. My heart is in tatters, and i have no idea where i will be in a year from now. My kids all want me to leave as he is there step father, and we have only been married for three years. But where do i go. Of course i know i could move in with them but it not faisr to put myself as well as financial on them. So its a tough call at least until this all go's to court. luluorange hey luluorange, your in a tough spot. Obviously you should get out, leave him. But then i also understand why you feel you have to stay because you have no where to go and financialy you feel you caNT. This is a sad situation and I am sorry you are going through it. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this and get support. If you ever want to just chat and let it all out then I am here to listen. take care luluorange and keep me posted as to how things are going ok. your not alone - t42 teafortwo Link to post Share on other sites
VintageSweetPea Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Rosie, you're gut knew the truth all along. Always listen to that inner voice and NOT the lame excuses he gives you. Do you think he or any addict with an obsessive negative behavior would ever admit to their wrong doings? You need to take the first step, leave and live with a family member until you get yourself situated in someway. You don't know until you start making the moves. It will be all uphill from here once you get away from this dark life you've been living with him. He needs help or maybe he can't be helped but that's not your job. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Rosie move in with your kids until you can find a job. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Rosie, how are you doing now? Is there any update? Link to post Share on other sites
dirtysweet Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 You are 60. Why would a woman your age put up with anything remotely like this!?!? This is sick. You need to leave that guy. And get yourself help. Wow what a way to blame the victim. You have no idea what is going on that is making her stay (she did say it was money). I have worked in a woman's shelter before so I know a few things.... What you need to do is start saving money. Squirrel away as much as you can without him noticing. Keep a change jar. Keep your money hidden too. Open a separate account that he does not know about. He probably has one himself he hasn't told you about anyway. When you have enough you will be able to get out of there and he won't have access to the account. He has clearly lied to you for many years. Time to take control of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
amazingdrummer Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I don't get it, parents raise their kids for 20 years (and it is very costly), and when the parent need help, they feel afraid of being burden to their grown-up children? you have taken care of them for the half of your life, now it's time for giving them a chance to take care of you. Good luck lady. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I don't get it, parents raise their kids for 20 years (and it is very costly), and when the parent need help, they feel afraid of being burden to their grown-up children? you have taken care of them for the half of your life, now it's time for giving them a chance to take care of you. Good luck lady. Agreed. One of the purposes of family is to help each other, after all. I hope my Mom never feels like being a burden on me. I need to talk to her about that, that if she ever needs my help, I'm there for her. I hope she knows that already... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
teafortwo Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Wondering what your staus is now? Have things got better? worried that you thing you are alone. you are not. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I don't have anything to add that wasn't said. I just wish you weren't going through it all and for that, I'm truly sorry. I couldn't read and run. Xoxoxoxox I hope you find a job soon and are at least physically back on your feet. Emotionally, I can't even pretend to understand the pain youre feeling. Please ask for the help you need. That's what help is there for!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts