LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Abuse

Would it be Coerced Consent or Rape?


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By CautiouslyOptimistic
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old Today, 5:26 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 11
Would it be Coerced Consent or Rape?

Let's say a woman is in a relationship and they are cuddling in bed watching a movie. The bf starts kissing on her neck and they end up in a full on make out session. Now this is where the question I asked comes in. He starts becoming sexually aggressive and persistent. If she is trying to push him off of her, and trying to wiggle back to get out from under him, then she is gripping her jeans trying to keep them up as he is trying to take them off. Nothing seems to get him to stop trying and she eventually just gives in. Wouldn't this be an example of coerced consent? I'm curious what others would view this as.
AlmostHappy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 5:42 PM   #2
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,531
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlmostHappy View Post
Let's say a woman is in a relationship and they are cuddling in bed watching a movie. The bf starts kissing on her neck and they end up in a full on make out session. Now this is where the question I asked comes in. He starts becoming sexually aggressive and persistent. If she is trying to push him off of her, and trying to wiggle back to get out from under him, then she is gripping her jeans trying to keep them up as he is trying to take them off. Nothing seems to get him to stop trying and she eventually just gives in. Wouldn't this be an example of coerced consent? I'm curious what others would view this as.
I call it DISRESPECT. And yes, coerced consent. If not actual rape.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 5:42 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 8,306
It's coercion. But no matter how you label the act, it was still an act of violence against the woman. He knew she did not want to have sex, yet did it anyway. Let's be clear that true consent is when both parties WANT to have sex.

Did your husband do this to you AlmostHappy?
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 5:50 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
It's coercion. But no matter how you label the act, it was still an act of violence against the woman. He knew she did not want to have sex, yet did it anyway. Let's be clear that true consent is when both parties WANT to have sex.

Did your husband do this to you AlmostHappy?
This did happen to me, but not by my husband. This was a past bf and to this day I don't know how to feel about it.
AlmostHappy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 5:55 PM   #5
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,531
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlmostHappy View Post
This did happen to me, but not by my husband. This was a past bf and to this day I don't know how to feel about it.
If you're still thinking about it, you think bad about it.
basil67 likes this.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 5:55 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 18,126
It's sexual assault. It's date rape. There are several different types of rapists, and some people consider date rapists one, but the truth is a date rapist is just a rapist and will fit into one of those types. You said no and he forced you and instead of putting yourself in danger of him getting violent, you gave in. You're a survivor. But he's a rapist. You should report him. Maybe they will press changes and maybe they won't, but it will make him think twice about doing it to the next woman.

For support and guidance google and find a women's shelter or rape crisis center in your area. they can help guide you.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 8:01 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
I call it DISRESPECT. And yes, coerced consent. If not actual rape.
Thank you, this was a very complicated time, and I almost feel like I deserved what I got for what I chose to do.
AlmostHappy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 8:30 PM   #8
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,531
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlmostHappy View Post
Thank you, this was a very complicated time, and I almost feel like I deserved what I got for what I chose to do.
I get it. I feel like I was date raped once, but I didn't even find out we had sex until 2 weeks after it happened (when he told me, on our second and last date). I feel similarly since I was drinking that night, but not any more than usual. Yet I have zero recollection of it .

Decent and intelligent men know what consent means. Period.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 8:32 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 11
I have been thinking about this for a few years now. I feel like I deserved what happened to me for making the choices I made. This short relationship took place during a separation from my husband, we decided after all that happened to try and make our marriage work.
AlmostHappy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
age of consent wmacbride General Relationship Discussion 36 26th October 2017 9:12 AM
A Different Rape Thread, Another Rape Survivor: My Story RapeSurvivor Abuse 15 4th August 2004 2:58 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:57 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.