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Has my fiance been emotionally abusive?

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Old 5th June 2017, 4:26 AM   #1
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Location: United Kingdom
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Has my fiance been emotionally abusive?

Hello all,

I'm a male and my new fiancé (female) has been psychologically, verbally, emotionally, mentally and financially abusing me for a while now. I have now recognised that her actions and behaviour are not normal and in fact abuse is a choice.

Here are some things she says/does:
  1. If I don't fold my clothes up neatly every night then she will say in a negative tone "Why aren't your clothes tidy? You are so messy".
  2. If I miss a bit when washing the dishes, she will say that the whole dish needs rewashing.
  3. She will comment on my clothing and if it doesn't look 'trendy enough' for her then she'll say I am dressed like a little boy and know nothing about fashion.
  4. She will brainwash me into not using chemicals to wash my car just because she is 'environmentally friendly'.
  5. If I do housework then it is never good enough for her because in her mind I 'miss bits'.
  6. If I am on a day off from work and she is working that day, she will phone me from her work and in a disapproving tone she'll ask why I'm still in bed and not up!
  7. She say things like "You don't deserve me".
  8. Whenever we have an argument then she will make me feel like everything I say or do is wrong and that she is always right.
  9. I feel like I can't do anything right by her and she treats me like a child sometimes.
  10. She says things to me such as "I'll just do it myself because you'll not do it properly" or "If you are going to do a job for me, then at least do it properly".

    Here are some other things she won't let me do:
  11. She won't let me cook for her two kids (from a previous relationship)
  12. She won't let me do the laundry (when I offer to help her/do it whilst she is out)
  13. I have to make her meals in a certain way, otherwise she won't be happy and then she would go and make it herself
  14. She talks down to me and says a lot of put-downs etc. I never moan to her about things and feel like I have always got to be on 'my best behaviour' just incase it upsets her which is very draining.
  15. She doesn't show interest in my interests and won't support me as in attending say a sports game I play in because 'she doesn't want to sit I a field and be cold!!'
  16. She won't attend anything I am in because it doesn't suit her but always, always do I fully support her in her interests and affairs. It is very one sided.

    Important to note:
  17. She has never been physically abusive with me nor have I with her.
  18. She has also said that I will never be able to have/hold down a relationship if we split up.
  19. She's been rude and insulting to my family (calling my family thieves and liars) even when there is no basis for this.
  20. She has drained me of all my life savings to hep her pay her bills etc.
  21. I have tried to talk to her about the points I made that were bothering me, but she just shoots me down and gets all defensive whenever I bring up each point.
  22. Everything has to be done her way, to her routine and when she says. It's very much like being under dictatorship.
  23. I have suggested couples counselling to her before but she just says that she doesn't need to go because it's me who is the problem!!
  24. I am the one who apparently is the 'bad guy' and the one who needs to change. She says I am difficult to live with.
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Old 5th June 2017, 4:37 AM   #2
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Man , if you want to be in my suit after 10 years from now , stay .

if what you claim is true , you are are in serious dilemma , you are engaged to an abusive person who will make your life miserable .

I advise you to leave immediately , no matter what are the losses .

Just pack leave a note and straight to the door.

If the house is yours , still do it and later on you claim it .

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Old 5th June 2017, 5:21 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 924
What do the guys in your life think of this? Any decent men in your life such as a father, brother, or good male friends that can be straight with you?

You are raising someone else's kids, whilst she drains your bank account. All the while telling you that you are worthless...

Burn it all to the ground and start over fresh. Start considering the logistics of breaking away from this toxic relationship. Get your things together, and get the hell out asap.

It doesn't stop there – that's just the beginning. Build yourself up. Start going to a martial arts gym. Boxing/Judo/MMA, etc. These places have some highly respectable men in them all working towards a common purpose. It'll teach you some positive masculinity, respect, and self-respect.

Read some books. I suggest “no more Mr Niceguy” and “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” is particularly great. I think these can be found online for free. Experiment and apply some of the ideas. Evolve as a person.

Start figuring out a way to get more women in your life that suits you. You need to seriously up your game. Think daygame, nightgame, enlarging your social circle, online dating, etc. Our women are a reflection of ourselves.

Working and improving on yourself means you leave toxic people behind. You've allowed yourself to stagnate into this relationship. You need to accept personal responsibility for that, and actually do something about it.
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Old 5th June 2017, 8:13 AM   #4
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Location: Northeastern USA
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You asked this EXACT SAME QUESTION last month. All you did was copy & paste:é

We told you then not to marry her. Why are you still putting up with this? She won't change.
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Old 5th June 2017, 11:07 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 924
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You asked this EXACT SAME QUESTION last month. All you did was copy & paste:é

We told you then not to marry her. Why are you still putting up with this? She won't change.
It is very frustrating when people ask for advice or discussion on a subject, then don't even bother to respond to it. Makes me think I'm wasting my time.

But I just noticed that the username is depressed-fiance, and the join date is two years back, so I imagine this isn't a new issue he is dealing with.
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Old 5th June 2017, 2:25 PM   #6
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Location: Cheshire, England
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Wow OP,
What a tale of woe !

Now, before I respond...

Who owns the house you live in?

What arrangements did you make for paying bills before you moved in together?

Why is it a problem for you to wash up, do housework etc without "missing bits" - do you have an eyesight problem?

Why is it a problem for you to fold your clothes up at night instead of throwing them on the floor, or whatever you do with them?

I await your responses.......
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