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Was this a red flag of a narcissist?


Amelia11

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Hi to everyone, and thank you for reading this post! I really appreciate any thoughts and advice that you might have.

 

I met a man who seemed to be very self-focused in our conversations, wherein I was doing most of the asking, he was doing most of the answering, and when I did say something, he made very limited comments to show that he was engaged.

 

As time passed, I kept waiting for him to show more interest in me, but when it was not happening, I decided to just try and force my way into the conversation, to see if that helped.

 

It did help a bit, but then I noticed that near the end of our conversation, he sort of started to brag about something he had done in his youth.

 

Supposedly he had worked at some place where he was fired from, and in retaliation, him and a friend went back, messed with the bathroom, and basically flooded the place.

 

He said how they sat there at a table watching as the water came out from under the bathroom door, and how eventually the people had to wade in up to their ankles, and they got a big kick out of it.

 

What struck me as odd was the way that he still seemed to get a big kick out of it.

 

I could be wrong, but he just seemed to still think it was very funny, and went on to brag about how he and his friend continued to do this to different places in town, until they realized they might get caught and then stopped.

 

He did say that he would never do that today, which is good, but it was the fact that he seemed to still get a kick out of it that kind of threw me.

 

Is this a serious red flag or am I reading too much into it?

 

Thank you all again! :)

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Hi to everyone, and thank you for reading this post! I really appreciate any thoughts and advice that you might have.

 

I met a man who seemed to be very self-focused in our conversations, wherein I was doing most of the asking, he was doing most of the answering, and when I did say something, he made very limited comments to show that he was engaged.

 

As time passed, I kept waiting for him to show more interest in me, but when it was not happening, I decided to just try and force my way into the conversation, to see if that helped.

 

It did help a bit, but then I noticed that near the end of our conversation, he sort of started to brag about something he had done in his youth.

 

Supposedly he had worked at some place where he was fired from, and in retaliation, him and a friend went back, messed with the bathroom, and basically flooded the place.

 

He said how they sat there at a table watching as the water came out from under the bathroom door, and how eventually the people had to wade in up to their ankles, and they got a big kick out of it.

 

What struck me as odd was the way that he still seemed to get a big kick out of it.

 

I could be wrong, but he just seemed to still think it was very funny, and went on to brag about how he and his friend continued to do this to different places in town, until they realized they might get caught and then stopped.

 

He did say that he would never do that today, which is good, but it was the fact that he seemed to still get a kick out of it that kind of threw me.

 

Is this a serious red flag or am I reading too much into it?

 

Thank you all again! :)

 

Red flag, he's either seriously immature or a narcissist.. or BOTH! :)

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Narcissist or not, he sounds like a jerk.

 

Not wanting to hear anything about you could be one of two things:

 

1) He's trying to sell himself to you

2) He doesn't care

 

I'm going with #1.

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It really seems like the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot by people who don't understand the horror of a real one. I suggest you learn about what it means before you use it because you could end up seriously skewing the way you look at people.

 

Being self-focused in conversation could mean he is not socially skilled or just really shy. The guy sounds like he is rude or spiteful and possibly prone to breaking the law. That doesn't mean he's a narcissist. He still could be, but just telling a story like that and gloating doesn't mean so.

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It really seems like the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot by people who don't understand the horror of a real one. I suggest you learn about what it means before you use it because you could end up seriously skewing the way you look at people.

 

Being self-focused in conversation could mean he is not socially skilled or just really shy. The guy sounds like he is rude or spiteful and possibly prone to breaking the law. That doesn't mean he's a narcissist. He still could be, but just telling a story like that and gloating doesn't mean so.

 

Thanks for the suggestion.

 

I have read about Narcissists, and I understand there is a difference between NPD - Malignant Narcissism - and just someone being narcissistic.

 

No one can diagnose NPD but a professional. I am not.

 

Nonetheless, every human being has narcissism to some degree. It is just the ones who have an unhealthy level to the point of being harmful to another in a relationship that I want to look out for, regardless of if it is NPD or not.

 

So I understand what you mean about people throwing the word around, and that not everyone is NPD. But just because they are not the cruel, vicious NPD variety does not mean they could not cause a lot of hurt and pain to someone who gets close to them.

 

That is why I always try to look for little red flags. And yes, I do understand some people can just be nervous and what not, and make mistakes, which is why I do try to give chances to them, but I still want to keep my eyes peeled for those red flags.

 

So my post may be worded wrong, but essentially my question is asking if this could be a sign of an unhealthy level of narcissism? Not proof, just a clue to keep an eye out.

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Thank you to everyone for your suggestions and thoughts! I really appreciate it.

 

:-)

 

I hope he is not a bad person, or a jerk, and based on some of the things I learned of him, I do not sense that he is a monster. He actually had a lot of nice qualities.

 

But I did fear, based on the things I wrote in my post and numerous other things that I did not explain in my post, that he might be just a tad too self-focused to really be able to understand the needs and concerns of others in a way that would make him a caring partner on a deeper level.

 

I suppose the ones in my post were two flags I was still trying to clarify if they were flags, which is why I did not go into the rest.

 

Thank you again for the feedback! :)

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bluefeather

Thank you for explaining that so eloquently, Amelia11. I understand what you mean and hope you stick around if you feel like contributing with more of your thoughts :)

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Thank you for explaining that so eloquently, Amelia11. I understand what you mean and hope you stick around if you feel like contributing with more of your thoughts :)

 

Thank you. :-)

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