v3o3d3 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Ive worked with this 18 year old female for just under a year. Shes told me that she had been in the care system for most of her youth because her mum gets violent when drinking. When she turned 18 she had to move back in with her mum. When she first started work ,I heard from other work colleagues that she had been punched in the face by her mum several times. Several months had passed and i had not heard anything like this again so i assumed that it wasnt taking place anymore. But recently the girl actually told me, by text, that her mum had tried to hit her again. I said i'd come and get her but she said it'll be ok she had locked herself in her room. This has now become a regular occurrence. Ive told her that if she needs to talk or get away from the situation to call me. But she never does and i find out shes been hit again. Now that i actually know all of this is going on i want to help but i dont know how. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Tread very carefully. If the authorities know of this situation it is not really your business. You could end up with both of them abusing you for interfering. what could you do anyway? Are there local support schemes the co-worker could be referred to? They would need housing and money to get by. This could turn messy for you quite easily. Do you belong to a church? Is there anyone there you could discuss this with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author v3o3d3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 (edited) Tread very carefully. If the authorities know of this situation it is not really your business. You could end up with both of them abusing you for interfering. what could you do anyway? Are there local support schemes the co-worker could be referred to? They would need housing and money to get by. This could turn messy for you quite easily. Do you belong to a church? Is there anyone there you could discuss this with? I will assume the authorities dont know as they would have re housed her. She has said that the area in which people get re housed is full of drug users. She must see staying at home as the lesser of two evils. I guess its just human nature that you would want to help someone in trouble. Edited October 16, 2016 by v3o3d3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Indeed I'm reminded 'The road to ruin is paved with good intent' Often in these situations a decent person acts and expects the recipient to react in a decent way, however if their life experience has damaged them they can reply/react in a damaged/damaging way. Leaving the first party worse for their involvement. I do not know what Country you are in. In this Country there are systems and schemes in place for 18 yr old females in abusive situations. It is down to the 18 yr old female to decide what she wants from her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v3o3d3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 Indeed I'm reminded 'The road to ruin is paved with good intent' Often in these situations a decent person acts and expects the recipient to react in a decent way, however if their life experience has damaged them they can reply/react in a damaged/damaging way. Leaving the first party worse for their involvement. I do not know what Country you are in. In this Country there are systems and schemes in place for 18 yr old females in abusive situations. It is down to the 18 yr old female to decide what she wants from her life. It is true that it is down to her to make the decision of what to do. I wont try and "save" her, ill just let her know that im there to help if she wants to talk or remove herself from a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I see you are a male, and are not very experienced with women. If you want to help, tell a female colleague, your boss, HR... anyone who can do something about her situation, BUT do not get involved here. YOU could be opening yourself up to all sorts of trouble, including YOU being blamed for hitting her, or harassing her at work. Forget about being the "white knight", getting involved has the potential to back fire spectacularly. Stay well clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Technically she is an adult so she does not have to live there. She could also call 911 herself and have her mother arrested for assault. There are resources for people in her situation but if she chooses not to use them then there's really nothing anyone can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Just call the police and tell them that a coworker has been claiming to be being hurt and coworkers support it. I would never look the other way. This girl hasn't been given the knowledge and support to know how to stop it or to get away. She has been trained to accept it. On a personal level, I would show her how she could advertise for roommates so that she has another option. When I was 18, I didn't know how to do that; someone had to show me. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 What kind of punching are we talking here? Does she come to work w black eyes and all that? Reason I ask is most women don't actually know how to throw a punch, so this "punching" might actually be low level half-assed slappy type stuff and not really injury-inducing blows. No one should tolerate any unwelcome contact but my reaction personally would vary based on the amount of real bodily assault occurring. If mom's bscly pawing at her I'd shrug it off as not really the level to get involved, but if she's delivering body blows and jabs and all that, well that's another story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 (edited) While 18-year olds are considered independent, they really have neither the life skills nor experience to know the resources or the alternatives available to them. From what you say, her experiences have been foster care and an abusive mother. A terrible start in life. My heart truly goes out to her if what you're saying is indeed accurate. That being said, you don't really know the true details of her situation, so tread carefully. I would focus on sharing resources and alternative living options available to her. I agree with others, don't charge in to try to rescue her. That won't go well. Just provide support, advice, and a non-judgemental ear. Edited October 16, 2016 by angel.eyes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhen16 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I appreciate that you are concerned about her and would like to help. Too often, a person in an abusive situation will not accept help. Perhaps it would be helpful to gather some local phone numbers of places she can turn for help. Then tell her that when she is ready, these places are available and ready to help. Other than that, I'm afraid you simply have to wait until she is ready to accept help. Praying for you and your coworker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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