JiltedJane Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Without going into too much detail, my abusive ex bf contacted me again last night. We broke up almost two years ago, followed by 13 months of nonstop harassment. In the last 7 months he pops of sporadically to either try and win me back or tell me what a horrible human being i am. One of the major things he would do in our relationship was "gaslight" he'd make up things people said about me or that i supposedly did, then admit he made it up or forget that he made it up. He would then try to tell me i was hallucinating or suffered from severe paranoia. He kept initating talks to have be committed. Making up stories and lying was a big part of persona. Last night at 3am I received 6 texts from him saying that my family reached out to him telling him I was completely crazy and theyre concerned. I just saw all my extended family last week and we were fine. I know he's making all this up, but I'm still upset. I keep blocking him from everything and he still finds ways to get in touch. Is there anything I can do to keep him from contacting me anymore? people say i should get a restraining order, but he hasn't done anything that frequently in the past 7 months other than the "gas lighting". Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Probably the only way to get rid of him fully is to change your phone number, email address, Facebook page, etc. If you can't do that, then text him back and let him know that if he ever contacts you again in any way, you will contact the police and file charges against him. Abusers are usually deathly afraid of the law. Contacting you against your will, especially at 3am, actually is harassment. Has he contacted you at work, by any chance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 i have two jobs. the one he doesn't know about. the other is a military base so he'd have to have ID or be arrested on the spot. He has stalked me before in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 There is no way you can block him from contacting you??? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Just block him. If your provider or phone can't do this you can get a blocking app which will. I take it you never reply? If you ever do reply you need to take responsibility for that and stop doing it. Also make all your social media private. He may be aware you saw your family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 i have two jobs. the one he doesn't know about. the other is a military base so he'd have to have ID or be arrested on the spot. He has stalked me before in the past. There you go! Tell him that because of his harassment, the military has offered to look into the situation for you and that they have suggested contacting his employer. You should actually do all of this via a letter that he has to sign for. Send it to his office so that it puts the fear of God in him. I actually did this to someone who harassed me once -- on the advice of a police officer. It worked like a charm. I never heard a peep from the guy again. The truth is, once you inform someone that they're harassing you by contacting you in any way, any contact from them after that actually is harassment. If you do send him a letter, be sure to be very matter of fact, not emotional. Also specify that he is to not contact you, your family, friends, or employers. You need to make it very clear to him that his life will take a downward spin if he continues to mess with you. This is the only thing these people understand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I never respond back to him. I have him blocked from everything except my phone only because he tends to text when hes in the area or around our mutual family members-- Another major issue. We're not related but we have mutual cousins (our cousins are related to us from different sides of the family). He also said in the text messages that he wants my friends to stop f'ing with him-specifically one. I asked this friend and they said that he wouldn't stop texting and facebook messaging them trying to find out if i was talking about him, who i was dating, what i was doing. once he blocked him from everything he started contacting my friends fiance doing the same stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 This guy sounds scary to me. I would write him a letter as another poster suggested making it clear to him that you don't want him contacting you, your family, your friends or anyone associated with you from this point in time. Keep a copy of the letter. Then start documenting every single time he does this. Save all texts and voicemails. This way you will have adequate evidence when you go to the police. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 i've told him repeatedly to leave me alone. eventually i just started ignoring him. The only reason i never got a restraining order in the first place was because of our mutual cousin's wedding and i didn't want to cause drama or look like a trouble maker. other than my immediate family, the rest of my family and his whole side don't know what happened. he told everyone that i was constantly cheating on him and that i wanted someone with money. so our mutual relatives think i'm a money obsessed slut, and the rest of my family always jokes about how "picky" i am-because i broke the heart of someone clearly so inlove with me Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) I have him blocked from everything except my phone only because he tends to text when hes in the area or around our mutual family members-- Another major issue. Then block him from your phone also. If the problem continues get a restraining order. Still, you should block him from everything that has to do with you. The other people do not matter so don't leave communication open because of them. Trying to figure out why he does these things is a waste of your time. Spend your time blocking him. Edited December 3, 2015 by stillafool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I'd see if I could get a restraining order issued on him. If nothing else it sends him a solid message that he can't mess with you without consequences. It also helps you feel you have some power by taking action on a crappy situation. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) You're missing the point. Sending him a letter that he has to sign for provides proof for you that you gave him fair warning that his actions are harassment. Do yourself a favor and extract yourself from this drama by not worrying about what lies he's telling others. Don't even defend yourself to them unless they ask you directly about it. Even then, be brief. Rest assured that they will eventually figure out what he's really like. Abusers can't hide their true personalities for very long. The truth is, this guy is obsessed with you and that's a very dangerous thing. What he wants to do is put you in fear and to get your attention in any way he can. Someday, he may explode. If you send the letter and he contacts you after that, you can go to the police or a lawyer. That should get his attention. Edited December 4, 2015 by bathtub-row 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 You'll never get him to be different. All you can do is show a strong united front against him so that you become more trouble than you're worth. That means telling the rest of the family what he's doing. Right before you send him that certified letter. Oh, and I would pay a lawyer $50 to send it for you, from the lawyer's stationery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 i don't know where he lives. he knows where i do though. And he and his family are crazy enough to say that i am harassing him if i were to send a letter. they are what i like to call "sue crazy". they sue and get lawyers involved in everything:( Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 i don't know where he lives. he knows where i do though. And he and his family are crazy enough to say that i am harassing him if i were to send a letter. they are what i like to call "sue crazy". they sue and get lawyers involved in everything:( That's why I said to pay a lawyer to send the letter. No lawyer is going to help them sue you after they see that letter...from a lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I recommend reading The Gift of Fear. It has good advice on what to do about people who ignore the word no. Sometimes blocking them can aggravate them further. You might want to consider getting a new number but keeping your old one active so he can continue to text and call you at the old number. It makes it easy for you to ignore him, and he won't think to try and find your new number because he won't know you changed it. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Do you have an Uncle Guido? Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Gas Lighting? This is stalking. Don't tolerate a stalker. Don't contact him other than via a lawyers letter. Walk into the nearest police station and tell him exactly what you are concerned about. 'If' the police don't offer to go and talk to him then tell them to put that in a report and give it to you. Bif they pay him a visit, they are not going to arrest him. ( for what?) but it will shake him up...also, there will be record of the visit. Unlike the movies, police do care. Usually they will have someone chat with you or contact you The to give some guidance. There is no reason to tolerate anything. Zero. Link to post Share on other sites
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