Verbal abuse

[andrewsam20]

is it wrong to abuse ur friend or gf when your angry??

 

I abused my friends when i found out that she took me for granted, i used a lot of bad words (it was txt msg), she didnt reply after tht.

 

I feel really bad as the words i used was beyond the line..

 

I send her a text msg again asking her for sorry.. she seems adamant and told me that some words cannot be taken back..

 

I'm a person who can control a lot but when i'm at the peak i just burst...

 

Now she just highlights my mistakes and acting as if she didn't do anything. its just me the culprit for using bad words and now begging her to get her back

[betterdeal]

You have to be a bit contrite and suck it up, because you were offensive, but after a certain point, you then have to decide if you want to keep doing that or say, okay, I'm not going to stay like this and either we get over this and make up properly, or we call it a day, because there's only so much contrition I can do.

 

And try not say anything by text or email or Facebook that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying face to face. By all means, go punch a pillow or scream into it, but messaging is so often a way to complicate matters.

[ShatteredReality]

It's not ok to lose it on another person and physically, verbally, or emotionally abuse them. What eventually happens when you take it too far is that you wind up negating whatever it was they did in the first place to anger you. Then it becomes you in the wrong and not them. If a person accidentally bumps into you, isn't it a bit excessive to respond by pushing them with all of your strength into a brick wall? It's similar here. We're taught as children to believe words cannot inflict pain. In fact, they can be detrimental. If you truly care about a person, and they care about you - that means they also care what you think of them or how you feel about them...so when you say horrible things that you cannot take back, they're more likely to be hurt by you than some random stranger who doesn't know them at all.

 

Be apologetic...but more than that, find a way to refrain from doing it again. Leave the room. Count to 10 or 100 or whatever. Punch a pillow like Betterdeal said...shove your face into a pillow and scream...anything but going past that line and resorting to abuse. Even if a person tolerates it for a time...it will erode their self worth until they eventually crack...and all the things that you love about them will dissolve as they tolerate it until they're simply a shell of the person they are right now. So do yourself a favor - quit while you're ahead. You recognize it's abuse...find a way to stop yourself in the future. If you cannot get this friend back...use it as a learning experience and don't allow yourself to do it to the next one.

Edited August 5, 2011 by ShatteredReality
sp

[andrewsam20]

thanks for the reply!! i clearly understand.. and i'm sure i wont do this mistake again..

 

well for my friend i dont know if i can get her back.. i try msg her again.. maybe couple of days, later let her cool down..

 

The reason why i was pissed off was after the fight she was not responding to my calls, i badly wanted to talk to her she did even attend my calls or respond to my message. so i called her office phone she picked up and called me a stalker which made me even more pissed off!! thts when i sent her that message ..

 

i wash hurt more than her.

[betterdeal]

So the lesson to learn from this is to calm down, don't press for something when the other person shuts you off, and remember that everyone is entitled to the right to silence.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think when someone takes someone else for granted they may sometimes not realise they're doing it.

 

It certainly doesn't warrant you being really verbally abusive to her.

 

You should have just spoke to her about it instead.

[c0nfuzd]

It's not ok to lose it on another person and physically, verbally, or emotionally abuse them. What eventually happens when you take it too far is that you wind up negating whatever it was they did in the first place to anger you. Then it becomes you in the wrong and not them. If a person accidentally bumps into you, isn't it a bit excessive to respond by pushing them with all of your strength into a brick wall? It's similar here. We're taught as children to believe words cannot inflict pain. In fact, they can be detrimental. If you truly care about a person, and they care about you - that means they also care what you think of them or how you feel about them...so when you say horrible things that you cannot take back, they're more likely to be hurt by you than some random stranger who doesn't know them at all.

 

Be apologetic...but more than that, find a way to refrain from doing it again. Leave the room. Count to 10 or 100 or whatever. Punch a pillow like Betterdeal said...shove your face into a pillow and scream...anything but going past that line and resorting to abuse. Even if a person tolerates it for a time...it will erode their self worth until they eventually crack...and all the things that you love about them will dissolve as they tolerate it until they're simply a shell of the person they are right now. So do yourself a favor - quit while you're ahead. You recognize it's abuse...find a way to stop yourself in the future. If you cannot get this friend back...use it as a learning experience and don't allow yourself to do it to the next one.

 

if only I had read this a few years ago, I would not be in the process of losing my marriage; I verbally abused my wife for years and what you describe here Shattered is exactly what happened to my wife....she is a shell of her former self; at times I don't even recognize her; that is how badly I mistreated her; I took away her identity; it's been 4 months since I have stopped the emotional abuse but the damage has been done; she has checked out; there's no more intimacy, no more love, no more anything between the 2 of us; she won't even consider counseling despite seeing changes in my attitude

 

the name-calling has stopped, and I am remorseful for my actions; but I don't know what else I can do; I stay the course and treat her as I should have treated her these last 10 years; but I fear it's too late like she says

 

now, I await the papers; maybe, just maybe she will have a change of heart but I am not counting on it 2 much

 

it's too bad that I could not realize my mistakes sooner; such a shame because we built so much together

[freestyle]

words, once spoken aloud, or written are permanent.

 

Choose carefully---think twice, speak once.

[ShatteredReality]

if only I had read this a few years ago, I would not be in the process of losing my marriage; I verbally abused my wife for years and what you describe here Shattered is exactly what happened to my wife....she is a shell of her former self; at times I don't even recognize her; that is how badly I mistreated her; I took away her identity; it's been 4 months since I have stopped the emotional abuse but the damage has been done; she has checked out; there's no more intimacy, no more love, no more anything between the 2 of us; she won't even consider counseling despite seeing changes in my attitude

 

the name-calling has stopped, and I am remorseful for my actions; but I don't know what else I can do; I stay the course and treat her as I should have treated her these last 10 years; but I fear it's too late like she says

 

now, I await the papers; maybe, just maybe she will have a change of heart but I am not counting on it 2 much

 

it's too bad that I could not realize my mistakes sooner; such a shame because we built so much together

 

I wish I had the answers for you here...I am the woman who tolerated it for years and became that shell of myself. I had to destroy my marriage to get it back...I had checked out too...it was not a short easy road to come home. Every time he told me he'd changed I waited for him to prove that wrong and go back to how he was. Even now, nearly three years later, when we argue badly enough I think he's going to revert back....not trying to thread jack, just letting you know I feel for you. How can you fix a problem you're not fully aware of? And yet, who can blame her for finally reaching a breaking point? It's a difficult place to be...

[c0nfuzd]

I wish I had the answers for you here...I am the woman who tolerated it for years and became that shell of myself. I had to destroy my marriage to get it back...I had checked out too...it was not a short easy road to come home. Every time he told me he'd changed I waited for him to prove that wrong and go back to how he was. Even now, nearly three years later, when we argue badly enough I think he's going to revert back....not trying to thread jack, just letting you know I feel for you. How can you fix a problem you're not fully aware of? And yet, who can blame her for finally reaching a breaking point? It's a difficult place to be...

 

not to thread jack here either...sorry OP

 

Shattered, maybe you can tell me more about how you gave your marriage a second chance after the onslaught of verbal abuse from your H

 

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