LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Abuse

Does a man love a woman he is abusing?


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 24th November 2010, 6:14 AM   #1
New Member
 
Krisha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: California
Posts: 7
Does a man love a woman he is abusing?

Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all? What is a man thinking and feeling about a woman he is abusing?
__________________
Krisha
Krisha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2010, 10:17 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: forest of yore
Posts: 4,127
From my perspective, the question is a bit irrelevant. If someone abused me, it wouldn't really make a difference to me whether they supposedly 'loved' me or not. In that context, it's actions that count. From an analytical level, yes maybe they do have feelings of some kind of love but can't control their behaviour. But if I'm on the receiving end of that, it doesn't really matter.
denise_xo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2010, 11:19 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 644
I'll answer your question: In some sick way I believe he feels love for the woman he's abusing, but I think he doesn't know how to love. Sort of a contradiction... but yeah.. my abuser loved me even though it was a tiny light inside of him that I saw.. that he showed me.. it was there. The drugs ultimately won though.

I think the abuser either loves, but doesn't know how to love the right way... or he hates the woman he's abusing, because obsession is a form of hate.
__________________
I heart LS
SouthernSunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2010, 11:29 AM   #4
Established Member
 
theBrokenMuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Earth
Posts: 937
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisha View Post
Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all? What is a man thinking and feeling about a woman he is abusing?
A person may, in a twisted non-nonsensical way, love the person they abuse but what does it matter when their perspective of love is so sick?
__________________
"He who dares not offend cannot be honest." - Thomas Paine
theBrokenMuse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2010, 11:51 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Leandro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Washington
Posts: 961
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisha View Post
Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all? What is a man thinking and feeling about a woman he is abusing?
IMO, no. If I loved my gf/wife or even friends, I wouldn't abuse them.
Leandro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2010, 11:58 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,683
Abuse is about control. To feel entitled to controlling someone (or making them pay for it when they don't let you control them) you are taking away their identity as an individual and claiming their life. You don't see their right to being a separate person from yourself. They are an extension of you an should behave how you want. This is not love.

As well, some abusers don't need their target to simply not do what they want to cause them harm. Someone else pisses them off, makes them feel small or diminished so they seek out the target that makes them feel powerful and misdirect the shame and pain they feel over what someone else did to that extension of themselves - the person they abuse. This is not only not love, it is seriously buried and unexamined self loathing. And the last person they would want calling their attention to this would be the person they think they control.
__________________
may your sons' wives rejoice as often as your own; may your daughters marry men of your worth.
sally4sara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th November 2010, 10:32 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Tressugar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Side of the Moon
Posts: 151
I was engaged to an abusive man. My relationship ended at the end of '08. In my own unclear way I believed that he loved me the best way as he knew or what he thought was the way to express love.
Tressugar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th November 2010, 10:54 PM   #8
Established Member
 
threebyfate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisha View Post
Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all? What is a man thinking and feeling about a woman he is abusing?
Quote:
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.
This excerpt came from the following site. It appears to encapsulate the "why" of abuse. There's also a 1-800 hotline to call if you're experiencing domestic violence.

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic...es_effects.htm
threebyfate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th November 2010, 11:04 PM   #9
Established Member
 
skydiveaddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Denver Colorado
Posts: 5,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisha View Post
Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all?

No.. Ready, set, eject!
__________________
"Do the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain." -Mark Twain-
skydiveaddict is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th November 2010, 11:15 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 19
it depends on the situation and the guy. For example, I know my ex loved me but he had a very distorted view of love and was/is a narcissist so he had little respect for women.

they are capable of love but they are sick and need help. get out of that relationship before you need help too
rakodako is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th December 2010, 3:24 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by rakodako View Post
it depends on the situation and the guy. For example, I know my ex loved me but he had a very distorted view of love and was/is a narcissist so he had little respect for women.

they are capable of love but they are sick and need help. get out of that relationship before you need help too
Is it even possible to love someone you don't respect?
tlind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th December 2010, 4:37 PM   #12
Member
 
ConstantCraving's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East Anglia, UK
Posts: 95
Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisha View Post
Does the man love a woman he is abusing at all? What is a man thinking and feeling about a woman he is abusing?
If he is abusing her then he doesn't love her at all. He's a control freak who sees her a resource to be used and exploited.

I know that's sick, but that's the abusers mentality.
ConstantCraving is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th December 2010, 4:44 PM   #13
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: on and off the grid
Posts: 7,863
Journal Entries: 1
A guy who abuses a woman doesn't know what love is and is acting out something else--obsession, control, power-assertion, ownership, none of which have anything to do with valuing who she is as a uniuque and free individual. Whatever he thinks he loves is not what she is--he loves the idea he believes her to be and then he tries to "make her" be what he either wants or thinks and/or punishes her for not being that. That's not love--not even in the same neighborhood. (More like total self-indulgence regardless of who the partner is).
Feelin Frisky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2010, 3:54 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 98
check out the book, "why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. it gives good insight into the mind of abusive men.

and no, i don't think that abusive men LOVE the women they abuse. they can say they do, but abusive men say a lot of stuff......

for me, i always believed the "i love you"s. but, in reality you don't do those things to someone you love. whether it be words, actions, etc. my stbx confirmed my beliefs for me last year when he told me he didn't love me and couldn't remember the last time he had. in my head i knew he didn't. my heart didn't want to believe that. but his actions showed that he didn't love me, and barely even liked me as a person. the best way i can put it is that he tolerated me.

he treated me like that fly you are swatting away because it keeps buzzing around your head. you shoo it away until you get so tired of it you just swat it flat.
controlledchaos is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2010, 5:49 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 484
I wondered the same, does a person who is physically very rough with her partner love him?
Tiberius is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Would this be abusing power? j.carsey Dating 23 20th June 2006 1:51 PM
Is he still abusing? ColdColorofConfusion Addiction & Recovery 6 28th February 2006 8:36 AM
Is my boyfriend abusing me? Stargazer25 Abuse 37 24th February 2006 2:49 PM
Am I abusing my bf too? Allalone Abuse 14 30th January 2006 5:34 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:50 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.