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Do abusers or bullies ever shown true remorse...


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Old 20th November 2009, 6:32 AM   #16
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there are the types, who are sweet, caring people, but there is a switch inside them, and when it is triggered, it flips them over to a behaviour like you would not believe.

I cant remember the actual name but it is a psycological condition, which usually stems from suffering some major mental trauma.
often, these people have no recollection of the violence and are shocked when they are told what they have done.

This is totally different to people who are generally abusive and enjoy hurting others.

All types of abusive people should be avoided IMO. it doesnt really matter why someone is abusive, and although these people are to be pitied (as they obviously have something wrong with them) they should not be pitied to the point of trying to help them and your own risk.
thats for the doctors and the therapists to do, they get paid for it.
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Old 20th November 2009, 7:22 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by heysenberg View Post
You do realize that many abusive men are charming and get many dates right? Looks are just looks...
Unless the girl is absent-minded about the early signs in the start of the relationship. It does not begin with hitting, it often includes emotional/psychological damage and then it becomes physical. It's the person that's so wrongfully attached to the abuser that's also the problem. It takes one to abuse and another one to keep staying with the abuser.
Out of the whole world population, there are more people that would get away from the abuser, not look back again versus the few doormats with personal issues that puts up with it...
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Old 20th November 2009, 7:38 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by hoping2heal View Post
This post struck me as very ironic. I am not talking about your cheating, but some of the things you have openly spoken about doing i.e leading men on emotionally and laughing at how "stupid" they are to believe you and think you want to meet them and have something with them..I would say that's a very, very abusive action.
Just clarifying some things before you start digging up an already dead thread of mine. First, I did not cheat and wouldn't go off meeting X when I'm in a relationship and I'm not a freak that things every single fantasy related thing never acted out in real life is cheating. I got nothing to be remorseful about in my relationship, I'm committed. Second, I clearly mentioned on my thread how I stopped laughing at those men. Yes may there are few of them that must be wondering why I never answered back. Again it's been a while since I stopped doing that. You don't have to go rub it in my face again. And third, try not hijacking the thread. I asked a question, didn't ask you to rub things in my face.
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Originally Posted by hoping2heal View Post
The man, who's marriage you were trying to ruin with lies because he didn't like you as a person; is that not being a bully?
He was bullying me online first. He started, that's why I first thought he deserved it. But it's like I got too many things in life, he's already boring.
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Originally Posted by hoping2heal View Post
You asked if they were sorry..you went on further to say, that you don't think so because they should of learned from their victims' reaction (paraphrasing). So, I'm not sure..have the people you have been this way too not reacted "Stronly" enough for you? Are you just plain unaware that you are doing this to others?
Who reacted? I'm not aware of anyone accusing me of being abusive. I'm liked at work and almost everywhere I go.
As far as learning from the victim's reaction yes obviously. For example if a kid saw his father hitting the mother and was later on beaten too, then he should know better that was know. He didn't like seeing mommy getting beaten, it was horrible what was done to him as a kid and yet learns nothing but does the same to someone else that has nothing to do with what happened to him at the time?? That's upsetting. I'm sure there are abused people that grow up, become better and don't do to others what they didn't like being done on them...
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Old 20th November 2009, 7:59 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by hoping2heal View Post
This post struck me as very ironic. I am not talking about your cheating, but some of the things you have openly spoken about doing i.e leading men on emotionally and laughing at how "stupid" they are to believe you and think you want to meet them and have something with them..I would say that's a very, very abusive action. The man, who's marriage you were trying to ruin with lies because he didn't like you as a person; is that not being a bully?
I'm so glad someone brought this up. Add to that the "lol" she threw out on LS as she was recounting the time she hit her mom.

OP, what are you doing to address your own abusiveness and bullying?
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Old 20th November 2009, 8:10 PM   #20
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She hit her mother?
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Old 20th November 2009, 8:18 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by amberpearl View Post
She hit her mother?
Nice try, but I saw the original answer.

I'm seriously wondering about you, kid.
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Old 20th November 2009, 8:18 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by GorillaTheater View Post
I'm so glad someone brought this up. Add to that the "lol" she threw out on LS as she was recounting the time she hit her mom.

OP, what are you doing to address your own abusiveness and bullying?
That was 3 long years ago. I was 19 years old. Now I'm 22. And well if I was throwing this is because some people think it's ok to hit their growing kids just because of any bad words thrown on them? I recall this woman (not sure what her sn was) but she stated on having no regret on hitting her teenage daughter that was bad-mouthing her and she slapped her in the face. Hitting just over words?? Damn, what a trashy mother. At least work it out or walk away. But if you have to resort to hitting a kid to get their attention, esp. a teenager then you lost. A teenager can hit back too, who knows....
In my case it was just retaliation. She hit me and I hit her back. But like I stated, it's been 3 years ago and it's not like it was a beating or anything. Just a light slap/tap, nothing worth crying about. Then again, she's a very emotional person.
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Old 26th November 2009, 1:56 PM   #23
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I've enjoyed this thread, I'm in a similar situation with a husband with an anger problem as well.
I have to say this for the record though.
I, myself used to have an anger problem.
As a teen/young adult I've
- hit my mother
- gotten into countless random fights
- physically and emotionally abused boyfriends (example: I broke my boyfriend's nose when he didn't come home one night)
- I MUGGED people.
- I was JAILED for an assault that nearly KILLED someone

I was a loose cannon then but now, years later, I deeply regret my actions and have NEVER gone back to any of these behaviors.
I have not thrown a fist out of anger in 7 years now.
I will defend myself and my family but situations like those don't come up very often and I don't aggress like I used to.
When I am angry I steel myself. My nerve impulses twitch and I often feel the urge to scrap, scream, beat or whatever but I DON'T.
People CAN change. Where there used to be anger in me there is now peace and logic.
It's ironic that I ended up with an man who has an escalating anger problem isn't it.
If anyone can help him, I can.
People Can change in my personal opinion. Obviously.
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Old 26th November 2009, 2:16 PM   #24
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I was never a bully but I do regret many of the fights I was involved in when I was younger. I look back and wonder what was the point. I was more the type to go up to the school bully and beat the crap out of him though instead of bullying those weaker than me. At the time it felt right but how was I any better than he was?

I don't know if you can consider this abuse but I very much do regret the utterly paranoid behavior I displayed towards my wife early in our relationship. I don't want to be that mistrusting guy who keep a woman prisoner because he trust issues.
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Old 26th November 2009, 3:22 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Woggle View Post
I was never a bully but I do regret many of the fights I was involved in when I was younger. I look back and wonder what was the point. I was more the type to go up to the school bully and beat the crap out of him though instead of bullying those weaker than me. At the time it felt right but how was I any better than he was?
Understandable. I was picked on constantly from grade to my middle school years. But there was a time, I would get into fights with some girls that would insult me. I had enough of the teasing but nope, that didn't stop them from emotionally/verbally bullying me. In that time, I think I would have rather prefer a punch in the face than those insults every single day. It's more easier to get over physical bullying than the others forms I think. With physical, you can always fight back and beat them but with words and your emotions played, you can't do nothing about it...
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