Dumped by a possible commitment phobe?

[Rosie95]

I dated a young 24 year old (I’m 19) for around 3.5 weeks (I know, not very long) but we both found that we have this ‘connection’ as he called it. From the day we met we got along great- never any awkward silences and we seemed to understand each other really well.

 

But the situation was complicated- he has never had a relationship that was more than sex and my best friend had just passed away. He told me that he wanted to wait for sex because he wanted a relationship that was more than sexual but emotional as well and I was fine with that- it suited me perfectly. We experimented but never went too far physically; however,emotionally we went leaps and bounds in a very small amount of time. He told me things he claimed to have never told anyone and I did the same.

 

He was the kind of guy that was so romantic, always said the right thing, knew how to make me laugh and was always calling me on the phone.He called me every day- whether we had seen each other that day or not, heal ways wanted contact. And he spoke about us in future tense too- he wanted to go snowboarding with me in a couple of months, knew what to get me for my birthday which is 5 months away, things like that. And then one day when I was with him a stranger commented that we were very cute ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’and this made things awkward- we weren’t labelled yet but I wanted to be his girlfriend. Things were weird for us for around 30 minutes but then everything went back to normal, I left his place at 12pm that day and by 7pm he was calling me and dumping me with absolutely no warning! Literally that morning we had been talking about plans for my birthday and then that night I was dumped!

 

He claimed that he ‘still liked me and was clearly still attracted to me, but for some reason’ all of a sudden he’s only ‘80% into a relationship with me and I deserve 100%’. I don’t know where this has come from because he was always the one committing to me- he called me, he was always asking me to come over, always instigating everything and I had to pull him back and slow him down and now I’ve just been dumped!

 

We’ve spoken about 3 times since he dumped me within a 1 week period and every time we talk he flirts me and says he’s so glad that he met me-on the phone since our breakup he’s hot and cold, sometimes really flirty and sometimes withdrawn and I don’t know where I stand with him. I know that he just wants to be friends but he’s not acting like that at all! And now, I haven’t heard from him in about a week (which isn’t much time but when you go from talking to someone every day to nothing it is difficult).

 

Help- I still really really like this guy and can’t help but think that he was scared off by the boyfriend/girlfriend comment and thought of commitment. But I want him back- desperately! Does anyone have any advice/has been in a similar situation?

Edited November 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[StrongLass]

A bf/gf relationship can only exist if both involved individuals WANT it to. He was honest w/ you and said he's not fully committed to the idea of a building a life with you. As far as the Future-Faking (google it) goes...people say all kinds of things & don't always think through what they say. I've had a man offer his home up as a place for me to crash regularly after a couple months of dating & then dump me a week later! Talk is cheap, actions are everything.

 

It's a bit cruel of him to keep flirting w/ you but since you're still desperately holding out for a chance at something that's not going to happen & he enjoys your attention/company he's not about to stop because as far as he's concerned he's already made his intentions clear but you don't want to hear that.

 

If he was 100% interested he wouldn't have been "scared off". Commitment-phobes have a curious tendency to make a full recovery when someone absolutely blows their socks off.

 

Stop trying to grasp at straws, go NC till you're over this & don't rationalize that you can somehow do something about someone not being that into you.