Older Men and Younger Women

[allaboutchoices]

Why do older men like younger women?

I'm in my mid-twenties. Most of the men who are interested in me are anywhere from 40 to 65. I am not vulnerable or insecure.

Any ideas? Experiences?

[tonyp56]

Mid-life-crisis! I would think women go through this too, but men when they hit their 40's or so start realizing that they are getting old. Suddenly, they want younger woman, etc. so that they feel younger themselves. My uncle is in his 60's now, in the last 10 years or so he has married two 18 year old's, and one 24 year old. Not to say that an older man wouldn't love you or anything, or that it couldn't be true love, but most likely it is all about him not wanting to feel old.

 

I am only 28, but I do understand how men think--I am one--and like I said, I have a couple uncles that seem to be attracted to younger woman. And of course, we have all heard those stories of men leaving their wives of 20+ years to go run off with some 20 year old.

 

I'd tell anyone that is trying to get you that if they don't stop you'll report them for stalking! Especially if you already told them NO, they need to move on. I can understand how you feel, but at the same time, I could never understand how my uncle got those young woman to marry him. (3 of his marriages ended badly by the way, though he is still and has stayed married to that 24 year old the longest since his first wife, his first wife he was with for over 20 years)

 

Please don't think this means that you are undesirable by men your own age, or men in the range that you are looking for. I for one, am attracted to/interested in finding a woman 24-35 years old, so I can say at least one man out there is looking for a woman in her mid-twenties. Surely there are others, and you'll find someone that you can fall-in-love with or whatever you are looking for. Your Romeo is out there, somewhere, it is a big sea after all.

 

 

Good luck,

[Curt]

I'm in my mid-twenties. Most of the men who are interested in me are anywhere from 40 to 65. I have now had one (married) who is in his mid-fifties and has been following/hitting/giving love letter for almost three years now. I told him to stop, but it comes in cycles every year...the same bull**** over and over again.

Any ideas what could cause older men liking younger women?

I don't think I come across as vulnerable or insecure (I certainly do not feel that way), but that is the only thing I could come up with - they want to use/take care of me.

Any experiences, ideas, advices?

 

Well,

 

I can speak as a guy who was head over heels for a younger woman some time back. She was 19. I was 32.

 

I'm sure it will come across as odd, but I can honestly tell you that the reason I was into her was the same reason I have been interested in women around my own age. Her personality, warmth, intelligence, beauty, etc., etc. were all very highly thought of by me. It had nothing to do with any feelings of mere lust for her, or indeed a sense that she was vulnerable. In truth, she was a strong, caring, and friendly person, whom I felt a connection with.

 

When we started talking, it was as if I was with someone whom I not only felt an emotional excitement for, but a person from whom I saw warmth, friendliness, soulfulness, and dare I say it, a "spiritual understanding."

 

I have never completely stopped caring for her ... likely, I never will. Nonetheless, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since.

 

If there was ever a suggestion from her that she wanted to try to "get back" somehow to where we were back then, I'd likely feel that I would have to consider that heavily.

 

There 'tis!

 

Curt

[allaboutchoices]

OMG, Curt

You sound just like him! That's creepy (I mean it's nice, I just thought for a while that you were him until I looked over some details )

 

Tony, thanks.

I don't have problems dating guys my own age, I was just curious what it is about me that I am giving away that attracts older guys.

 

Sorry guys, I edited the post and apparently you were faster than I was

[allaboutchoices]

Mid-life-crisis! I would think women go through this too, but men

:lmao:

I catch my self already looking at young men, thinking they are gonna be gergeous in few years....uh.

[tonyp56]

OMG, Curt

You sound just like him! That's creepy (I mean it's nice, I just thought for a while that you were him until I looked over some details )

 

Tony, thanks.

I don't have problems dating guys my own age, I was just curious what it is about me that I am giving away that attracts older guys.

 

Sorry guys, I edited the post and apparently you were faster than I was

 

 

I'd say that it is nothing about you except your age. That is what I said in my post, these men are attracted to you because they want to feel younger. The only thing that I think attracts them to you is that fact. They don't want a woman their own age, because that won't make them feel any younger. Even when this is the case, I'd say that there is good reason that they are attracted to you, in other words there is nothing wrong with you. People are not attracted to someone that has something wrong with them, do they?

 

Their minds sets (their age) rewire them so that they no longer look at woman their own age as attractive, the only woman that are left are those younger.

 

I don't know do you work with older men? Are you in situations were older men are around you more than you have men that are the age that you are looking for around?

 

Those are the questions you should be asking yourself, not "is there something about me (or wrong with me)--other than my age--that attracts older men to me?"

 

It all comes down to your age; don't read more into it than that. Of course I haven't met you, but I am sure there is a lot of GOOD things that attract them too you as well, it is just they are attracted to younger ladies instead of ones their own age. Those good things will attract men that you want too, whatever age that may be.

[allaboutchoices]

Awww, thank you:love:

 

I do not work with older men, HOWEVER I tend to be better friends with older people (not just men) as I find I have a lot more in common and less judgment with those folks.

At my age I have seen more of the world then most other people my age, I have been very independant since a very young age, and I have been told I am very mature for my age (well, that one I don't think is true:p )

 

You are right, I do need to look into those aspects.

 

I also believe you are right about men wanting to feel younger.

 

Thanks for you input. Is there another general reason for that? I doubt it's my case only.

[tonyp56]

:lmao:

I catch my self already looking at young men, thinking they are gonna be gergeous in few years....uh.

 

 

Kind of the same with woman too, but I wouldn't ever want to be with a woman that was under 21 again (the last time I was 24 and wife was 20). I don't know, to me at my age 18, 19, 20, is still a child, they still haven't matured. Not that some 21 year old's have either, but at least they are fully and legally adults.

[tonyp56]

Awww, thank you:love:

 

Your welcome, and .

 

Um, one thing you said here, more or less you feel more easy going with older people. Maybe (I don't know) you are more relaxed, and because of that you are more open to them. Then when you are around men in the range that you want, you get all up tight and nervous (which is normal), which causes you to look closed or offish and men you would want are afraid to approach you. You may need to think about this, and perhaps, try to identify what your behavior is around older people. (do you laugh more, flirt, smile, get goofy, etc...) Then incorporate this when you go out with or are around guys that you'd like to be with. If you aren't really looking right now, I'd still do it, just to see what happens--that way when you start looking you'll know how to act. Just a thought, like I said before, I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but if you are more comfortable around older people, that may be what adds to the attraction that older men have for you and causes them to pursue you.

 

Thanks for you input. Is there another general reason for that? I doubt it's my case only.

 

Your welcome again. And I don't know. I know from experience with my one uncle in particular that he would marry a younger woman only to find out that they were wrong for him--and they would find the same about him--and would get a horrible divorce. Only to do it all over again two or three years later. However, the last one (the 24 year old) has lasted for a while longer than the other two. So it is almost like he wasn't using his brain, and just wanted a younger woman, didn't care if they were compatible with him, just wanted to have a younger woman.

[Outcast]

So it is almost like he wasn't using his brain

 

Maybe he's not got much left. Or else he's using his small head to think.

[tonyp56]

I think it be the latter.

 

Well I know that before the first divorce he had a plane, big house, two or three cars, etc. and by the end of that one he had, well I think a car (he cheated on his wife). Anyways, thats the thing, he got everything back, then he married a 18 year old, then like three years later he got divorced, she took half, then like two years later he married another 18 (or 19, she was a teen, I can't remember which it was) year old, three years later got a divorce, then he married the 24 year old.

 

I think I'll stop at number 2, if I get married again, thats it, no more for me. But my uncle kept getting married. Though the last I heard (Christmas time) he was actually still married to this one.

[Woggle]

Older women are the way to for me. I can't relate to many women my age.

[Curt]

OMG, Curt

You sound just like him! That's creepy (I mean it's nice, I just thought for a while that you were him until I looked over some details )

 

Tony, thanks.

I don't have problems dating guys my own age, I was just curious what it is about me that I am giving away that attracts older guys.

 

Sorry guys, I edited the post and apparently you were faster than I was

 

LOL! OR, is it nicely creepy!

 

Seriously though, I suppose like most things in this world, there is no one single right answer for everyone who finds themselves in the situation. I don't think it's fair or useful to "pigeon-hole" everyone's motives and mindsets into one category.

 

I do know one thing though, I don't feel my attraction to her was a desire on my part to feel younger. I don't feel old to start with, but my feelings for her were based on a mutual respect that I think we had for each other's intellect, mind, and personal qualities.

 

I'm sure there are those who would have it said that it was just my desire to "bang some cute younger chick" but, like I alluded to earlier, that was never my original motivation. No, I won't lie and say that she was not attractive to me. She was very much so. Nonetheless, it was her smile, personality, warmth, etc. that really were the initial hook for me. She also showed signs of interest, I read them, reciprocated... only to find in the end that she was probably either;

 

(a). Scared by the age difference between us, into dismissing the possibilities.

 

(b). Afraid to lose respect of/status with her peers if she were to take up a relationship with me. Perhaps they even discussed the situation with her.

 

©. Not really ever interested at all, but merely played my emotions for sport or a personal "power trip." If so, she was good at it, I'll readily admit.

 

We parted as friends. She said that maybe we would see each other around town. Some months after she and I parted ways, she ended up in the parking lot of the place where I worked ... on a Saturday ... when I was the only one there.

 

Yet, previous to that, she had already started to behave quite distant. The way she ended up wanting things is that ... well, she didn't know me, and I didn't know her ...

 

Nonetheless, as it is a relatively small town, we have since come across each other in the same public buildings/bars/venues. The tension is palpable.

 

To illustrate the point, the last time was some weeks back, when I happened to be at one of my favorite local bar/pool halls. She happened to be there that night playing pool with some friends of hers.

 

I suppose I might have just turned tail and left. When I noticed she was there, my first reaction was, "Shxt, look who's here." But hey ... life goes on as they say. I said to myself, "No, I've got just as much right to be here as she does." So, I proceeded to the bar and ordered my usual beer.

 

It was karaoke night, so I was turned in an opposite direction to her, listening to the karaoke performers that were there. I made a deliberate point to not even so much as glance at her ... I mean, who needs the possible drama, right?

 

Before she left, she and her friends came from where they were playing pool, and she stood directly in my line of sight. It was impossible for me to not see her. It was almost as if the whole point was that she wanted me to see her. I don't like games, and so I turned around back toward the bar, and continued to drink my beer.

 

I don't know what to make of the situation with her anymore. All I can do is to do what I've done for the past years, and that is to go on with life, and try to forget all that was (or wasn't ).

 

Notwithstanding all the BS of my situation, anyone who boils this down simply to a matter of "older guy after younger girl for sex and feelings of youth" clearly is not seeing the true nature of these situations.

 

I suspect that it is not clear cut, from either person's perspective.

 

Curt

[allaboutchoices]

Thanks for sharing your story, Curt. Sounds like she is playing you. She wants your attention but as soon as you approach, she runs.

 

My OM (haha, no other man, but Older Man) is 56, married, with a great career. He is a very smart man, but a very creepy one as well.

 

This situation goes in cycles and repeats exactly at the same time each year. Long story short, last year he ended up stalking me, calling me, etc. I threatened to call the police, told my boss (he would come to work every day for many hours), and he stopped. For a month anyway.

When he came back I had the permission of my boss to refuse any contact or service to him. Time passes, he compliments me, I give him dirty looks and walk away...until last week.

 

He is doing the SAME **** again this year. I just can't believe it. EXACTLY the same approach and lines. He said he MUST talk to me as it's really important...I've been avoiding him. I need to tell him to back off, because I have no intentions of talking to him whatsoever. There is nothing I have to say to this man.

He introduces himself to every guy I talk to, he peeks from behind the trees at work, from behind newspaper, he listens to any converstation I have...and last time I told him to f**k off, he brought his wife in and introduced her to me. I just went "WTF?! "

 

I just feel lost, and I can't figure out where I've made a mistake. How to I get rid off him for good?

 

I know he's researched me online. Somehow he's actually gotten a lot of info, which makes my skin crowl. I'm not a very private person, but some people just do not need to know what's going on in MY life. It is MY life, dang it!

 

Sorry, had to vent. Thanks for listening.\

 

P.S. Oh, I forgot to add that he's been telling everyone that I wanted an A, but HE decided that it's better not to (and that now his M is better than ever before)!!

Needless to say that noone who knows him believes him...I'm sick and tired of this BS. He is so typical...turn around everything I say to make it 'safe' for him...just in case the W finds out that he's been after me.

[Curt]

Thanks for sharing your story, Curt. Sounds like she is playing you. She wants your attention but as soon as you approach, she runs.

 

In your opinion, do you think that she is plain confused about what she wants? What makes a younger woman do this kind of thing? I know it's hard to think of motives from someone else's opinion, but what payoff is there in her behaving like this?

 

Curt

[allaboutchoices]

In your opinion, do you think that she is plain confused about what she wants? What makes a younger woman do this kind of thing? I know it's hard to think of motives from someone else's opinion, but what payoff is there in her behaving like this?

 

Curt

Um...could be challenge, thrill, immaturity, weak father figure in her life...

It's hard to say. I'm sure it's different, but it sounds to me like she gets a kick out of it. You are mature and she is probably impressed to a point, and perhaps she likes the cat and dog chase.

Just my opinion, like you said, motives vary. I never pursue older men, I actually try to 'dissolve' and never be seen again, but I end up being the chased cat.

Perhaps I should make a move to scare him away?! Something like: 'alright, let's do it right here and right now, right behind this favorite tree of yours that you've been peeking from behind...".

[Neptune]

You are being stalked by this man. This is not really an age issue at all. The best thing is to tell him you are going to call the police if he continues to harass you.

 

I am over 50 myself and could go on a while about the older man and younger woman thing. But I don`t think I`ll go into that now. Younger women are always attractive regardless of the age of the guy....from 14 to 94. Just as rich men are always attractive to women;)

[allaboutchoices]

Just as rich men are always attractive to women;)

It's not the men, it's the money that's attractive. The men are just tools to get to it:p

[Neptune]

$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[Outcast]

allaboutchoices, for sure tell him that you'll report him to the police and talk to his wife if he doesn't cease and desist immediately.

[allaboutchoices]

allaboutchoices, for sure tell him that you'll report him to the police and talk to his wife if he doesn't cease and desist immediately.

 

Yeah, sounds like I might have to take it all the way this year....third time is a charm

[tonyp56]

It sounds like stalking to me, and if you've ever read any of those news stories, you should take it seriously. I'd call the police the very next time you spot him spying on you, or comes into your work, or anything else. He could be dangerous to you. It sounds like he really has an obsession with you, and that can be very dangerous. I don't know for sure about if you will need to get a restraining order against him, or if you can simply call the police and tell them he is stalking you. But CALL THEM, the very next time he shows up. You at least have your boss to vouch for your story.

 

Stalking is very serious, and I'd think the police would deal with him. Be safe, and don't let this person hurt you.

[tinktronik]

Hello-

Well here you go for a perspective from a womans view.I am 25 y/o f who has been in a long term relationship with a 40+ M .In speaking with my older guy , he claims he thinks part of his attraction to younger women is that they dont have the same "emotional baggage" as older women.Usually no divorces I would guess he means by this. I have found my own relationship with my older man to be the most rewarding realtionship I've ever had , mostly because we were close friends before dating(for about a year) so we both knew what we were getting into.Also he seems to have gotten the playing many simgle men do in their twentys and thirties out of the way.Anyway if its not your thing, just say eeeewwwww...Some women just arent into older guys.But good luck anyway-

Tink

[allaboutchoices]

Oh don't get me wrong, I have nothing against older men. Several years ago I also dated a guy who was 40+ and it was great. We did run into issues such as me being on my peak (energy wise) when he just wanted to sit down and watch TV, but it was still great.

I was originally just wondering why some guys seek out younger girls. I'm sure sometime attraction just happens.

Now I got to venting about my current situation with my little peeking stalker.

 

I haven't seen him today. I think I will ask my boss to ask him not to come to work anymore (he is a customer, so he always uses his excuse that he just comes in to work )