GF's mother thinks our relationship is ending.

[snowboy91]

Ok, so this is weird.

 

Over the weekend my GF went to visit her parents for her dad's birthday. I couldn't go as I had a birthday to attend in my own family (different directions from the city so there was no way I could do both). Anyway they were discussing Christmas presents - her parents usually give both of us a gift each (and my parents do the same). Anyway her mother decided to avoid giving me a gift this year as it would be "easier to partition things if we decided to break up", given as a couple we have "no commitment at this point".

 

Needless to say she drove home very upset... and told me the whole story once I got home. What is really strange is that we've been together over 5 years and somehow she doesn't see the commitment.

 

I'll admit from a realistic point of view she does have a point, given how unsure I've been about the relationship for a while (see here), but my partner hasn't told her anything about our problems, nor does she see us regularly enough to observe our dynamic so I have no idea how she's picking this up.

 

The only thing I can think of is I haven't visited them in a few months as somehow she manages to go to her parents when I have my own commitments to attend. I will definitely be visiting over Christmas though. The other thing is that my GF's sister NEVER received this level of pessimism about her relationship in the 9 years before they got married (although they were engaged for 8 of them).

 

This post is mostly a vent, but I'm just wondering how my GF's mother came to that conclusion?

[sandylee1]

5 years without marriage or an engagement does seem like no commitment to me... though it depends on your ages

 

Maybe her parents are fed up with it...when people ask if her daughter is getting married... as she's been with you for a while.

[basil67]

Is your girlfriend wanting to get married by any chance? Lack of marriage plans could well give the mother the opinion that it's not a committed relationship.

[road]

Not polite way you have been shacking up with her

daughter for five years.

 

Politically correct way you have been dating her daughter

full time for five years.

 

You have no made the commitment to her daughter. This

mother sees her daughter giving away the milk for free and

you are not showing that you are ever going to buy the cow.

 

The other daughter had an engagement ring after one year.

 

How can you be so blind?

[snowboy91]

5 years without marriage or an engagement does seem like no commitment to me... though it depends on your ages

 

We're still fairly young (both 26). She does want to get married eventually but we both agree it's not going to happen until we're both firmly established in our careers (we're both still students).

 

I probably shouldn't worry so much, I forget that sometimes parents like to be like that. I'm just used to mine being very relaxed about it.

Edited December 11, 2017 by snowboy91

[rickwman]

I'd be curious to know what the father said about this and what was your GF's response to her mother. Maybe the mother is feeling insecure since you don't see her very often. Maybe a phone call to the parents; just to say Hello and your thinking of them may help. As long as you and your GF relate well and maturely deal with relationship issues, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe your GF can have a frank talk with her Mom to discover what brought this on.

[BluesPower]

We're still fairly young (both 26). She does want to get married eventually but we both agree it's not going to happen until we're both firmly established in our careers (we're both still students).

 

I probably shouldn't worry so much, I forget that sometimes parents like to be like that. I'm just used to mine being very relaxed about it.

 

Dude... Get a grip. I know you youngsters do things differently but we are talking about her mother. She is telling your dumb A$$ that she is tired of the stalling and she wants action or she will probably try and break you apart. If you are not sure after 5 years, then break up.

 

I had 3 kids by the time I was 26...

[snowboy91]

I'd be curious to know what the father said about this and what was your GF's response to her mother. Maybe the mother is feeling insecure since you don't see her very often. Maybe a phone call to the parents; just to say Hello and your thinking of them may help. As long as you and your GF relate well and maturely deal with relationship issues, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe your GF can have a frank talk with her Mom to discover what brought this on.

 

I feel this is more what's happened. I know it has been a while since I've visited, but not always my fault. I will see them on Christmas Eve though, and I've set aside the whole day rather than just going in the evening as is usual.

 

To answer your question, her dad wasn't in the room when her mother said what she said. My GF and her dad aren't exactly close though and thus he's often out of the loop when it comes to intentions and decisions about our relationship (for instance, he didn't find out until 2 months later that we'd moved in together).

[Sara1989]

I read your other thread and you actually were having doubts about your girlfriend on there and made it known to her how you were feeling.

 

You are very silly to think a woman is not going talk to her mom about her love life and get advice. I bet she has talked to her mom about you and that's why the mom is pulling away.

 

It has also been 5 years and no engagement, engagement doesn't mean you have get married asap but it is an commitment and at 26 no you are not too young for that.

[edgygirl]

Moms are quite intuitive and she probably grasped that there's no intention of commitment anytime soon. You yourself stated on your other thread that you have different priorities and you might want to move abroad and travel the world.

 

The mom knows what all this implies. Her daughter would have wasted her best looking years with someone who will eventually leave her. Bad deal for her daughter. She will be heartbroken, bitter and having to look all over again.

 

I wish in your age I knew what I know now. I don't need to have the same interests as my partner, we can be intro vs extroverted, and we can still build our careers after tying the knot. I let go very good people as I thought I had to be totally established first. And now it's much harder to find someone right.

 

Just some food for thought. I think you should be honest with her with what you really plan to do so she can have a choice and leave the boat if it doesn't suit her idea of what she wants and her schedule for a long term relationship.