Telling ex you are seeing someone else

[aares]

How many of you have told your ex that you are seeing someone else, whether lying or not, to see what their reaction was and/or to inadvertantly get back with them? What was their reaction? I am asking because my ex asked me if I am seeing anyone else, and I am not at the moment but there is someone that likes me a good deal and we hang out everyday. I just wonder what the chances are of her getting pissed off and immediately try and find any guy to "compete" with me, or whatever other common reaction would be.

 

What was the reaction of your ex when you told him/her that you are seeing somone else, less than a year after your break-up?

[Merin]

I don't recommend telling your EX IF you're seeing someone else.

It really isn't thier business and seriously I hate it when an EX asks me that question.

 

Tell my EX the person I'm seeing is Nunya.. Nunya damn business

It's just not a good idea seriously... nobody wants to hear about the new person in thier EX's life.

[westernxer]

Aares, are you SERIOUS???!!!!

 

Ball's in your court, man. Don't lose it.

[blue16]

Do you still have feelings for your ex?

[lindya]

Aares - go back and look at the "girlfriend won't get back with me" thread that you started in the Second Chances section of the board. A lot of posters spent time and trouble responding to this in an effort to help you see some sense. The unanimous view from both males and females - and, indeed, yourself - was that you were abusive and controlling towards this girl during the relationship and that is why she now, very sensibly, would like you stay away from her.

 

You admitted yourself that you caused this girl six months of misery. It sounded as if you were starting to make progress in looking inwards...but now you seem to be reverting right back to that unhealthy power-hungry stance that led to this relationship's demise in the first place.

[d'Arthez]

You are considering to say you are seeing someone SOLELY to see what reaction it elicits, and claiming not to be controlling / abusive anymore? This is a completely contradictory mess. Don't do it, and get out of her life now, to spare her more pain and injuries.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

You are considering to say you are seeing someone SOLELY to see what reaction it elicits, and claiming not to be controlling / abusive anymore? This is a completely contradictory mess.

 

Totally.

 

Lindya made a good point, too. I didn't read his other threads.

[blue16]

Ah I knew their had to be alterior motives (such as wanting to get back with his ex.)

[aares]

I wouldnt have thought of this if she didnt ask me if I was seeing anyone else...I told her "no", but there is someone who I know likes me and is always over me when I see her. I was considering telling her that there is someone else just to see her reaction but I wasnt sure if she would more likely get pissed and never talk to me again which I dont want, or be happy for me and such which I dont want either. You're right merin...shoulda said nunya

 

Well, I am not serious about it anymore, it was just how I was thinking yesterday. I thought it might have been a good idea but my mind has changed even before reading the replies. Every action I think about, I should wait atleast a day and see if my feelings are as strong as the day before about them before I do something stupid.

 

Yes, I do still have feelings for my ex. I know I can find someone else that makes me happy and that I will love, but anyone can do that, so why should I find that someone else?

 

lindya - Yes many people brought forth their opinions, and I told everyone how much I appreciate it. If it werent for you wonderful people, I most likely wouldnt have truly realized what I put her through, and I know I wouldnt have tried to get professional help (which is coming up soon). This new thread I brought up was what I was thinking yesterday, and I dont think it anymore. In fact, I stopped thinking about it like 10 min after I posted it. Thats why I said I am going to think everything over before any action takes place. I am not going back to how I was. This was simply one of my "if I do this, will she get back with me" things, and I wouldnt have done it anyway because I think that if I did, something would definitely be wrong with me (other than my other problems).

 

I am definitely not AS controlling as before. I still want to see what help I can get from this doctor for that. I know for a FACT that the abusive part is done with completely. If I love her, I shouldnt want to make her feel bad. Its common sense but something didnt click in my head and make me think "wtf am I doing". I havent decided completely to move on, but she calls me and stuff and I want to answer. I dont bug her what-so-ever anymore, and everything we say to each other is short and sweet, well maybe the stuff she says isnt sweet, but oh well.

 

blue - Yesterday, that was my motive, to see what her reaction would be to try and get her back.

 

In short, I am not going to do this, it was a mistake for thinking like this in the first place. Thanks for the input!

[lindya]

[

lindya - Yes many people brought forth their opinions, and I told everyone how much I appreciate it. If it werent for you wonderful people, I most likely wouldnt have truly realized what I put her through, and I know I wouldnt have tried to get professional help (which is coming up soon).

 

That's fantastic news, aares. I'm really glad you've decided to take a pro-active approach towards dealing with this, and I hope you get positive results from the counselling. You might find it hard going at times, but I think you've shown that you have what it takes to consider other viewpoints and take the sort of advice that will help you make some necessary changes.

 

Best of luck.