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Bad first experiences with OLD


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Old 28th September 2017, 1:17 PM   #16
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See, now you are experiencing the ACTUAL problems with OLD -- people are nuts & inconsistent! Welcome to the internet age of dating. <sigh>


Rant away . . .
Touche. But NOW I'm 'satisfied' since I have, at the very least, gotten my money's worth in entertainment for about the cost of three tickets to horror movies - nothing like an emotional roller coaster to get the heart pumping. I've got another potential dating relationship simmering. But if that doesn't pan out, I'll flirt this lady again on purpose. Even with rejection and ghosting, this may play out as 'fun' as 40 years ago.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:56 AM   #17
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My 'adventure' has continued. My 'accidental flirt' lady and I have exchanged several messages. The pace has been slow, with both of us clearly feeling each other out. As recently as yesterday we've both suggested that we meet in real life and we are at the stage of negotiating a way to do that. I assume she is more concerned about safety that I am and I have no problem with that. For me, this has been FUN. Even at an 'advanced age' (I'm early 60s, she's mid 50s), I'm getting what feels through the filter of ancient memory like the hormonal butterflies of youth or at least early adulthood. i.e. 'Courting' is making me feel young.

Nevertheless I still have major complaints about the application that is moderating this OLD activity. I'm on Ourtime, so I can only speak for that site.

1) While the site labels itself as for 50+, there are no apparent age restrictions. Women as young as 20 are members though they may be bots. If I was interested in a sugar baby, I know where seekingarrangement.com is.
2) One obvious indication of someone else being interested in you is that your profile has been Viewed. There are two problems with this. First the site is constantly presenting every member with randomly selected profiles via facilities called Match and Who Do You Like. These features can not be turned off and they generate View reports resulting in members being advised that people who most likely have no interest in them have Viewed their profiles. Second, whenever a member checks an old communication like looking at an old message to see what they had said, it is reported as a View on a profile even though the profile itself has not been accessed. This report is a false indication of interest.
3) There is no facility to generally restrict your profile. While I can 'block' specific indivduals, if I really don't want women contacting me without me contacting them first (like now), it can't be done.
4) The Matches and Who Do You Like profiles mentioned above are not filtered. They can be from anywhere in the US and of any age.

In addition to my first paragraph 'progress report', I wanted to share my observations about some pretty frustrating 'features' of a particular OLD site, all of which can changed with relatively minor coding effort (for reference on my observation on coding effort, when working I was a senior level I/T Architect and designed and deployed several applications in what would be called 'the Cloud'). Sorry if TL : DR
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Old 1st October 2017, 6:58 AM   #18
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Glad you & the first lady are talking. Hope you get a successful 1st meet soon. Do heed the cautions to make it short, cheap & public . . . like coffee or a drink.

Why do you object to women contacting you first? Although I was frustrated by the guys who didn't respond when I did that, I thought most men would be thrilled to get a message from an attractive women.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:12 AM   #19
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Glad you & the first lady are talking. Hope you get a successful 1st meet soon. Do heed the cautions to make it short, cheap & public . . . like coffee or a drink.
Thanks for the hope. Based on communication so far, if it happens it will indeed be short, cheap, and public.

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Why do you object to women contacting you first? Although I was frustrated by the guys who didn't respond when I did that, I thought most men would be thrilled to get a message from an attractive women.
It is more painful to me to reject someone than to be rejected. I would be thrilled to get a message from an ATTRACTIVE woman. Getting a message from a woman who, to be coarse, I'd 'kick out of bed for a warm blanket' (which applies to most of the women in the demographic I'm dealing with) is a chill rather than a thrill.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:25 AM   #20
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Well, OLD will make anybody grow a thick skin. Think of it this way, saying thank you but no thank you quickly with a modicum of fuss is the kindest thing you can do.
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Old 5th October 2017, 10:21 AM   #21
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Status report 1: first lady had apparently ghosted me but did finally send a message after 5 days AND AFTER I had first entered this post. At the very least I'd say she's being a flake (yes, I was warned).

Status report 2: date WAS scheduled Saturday but then cancelled. The excuse (to help a friend) is as legit as excuses can be but, again, flakedar is pinging. This second woman is, at least on paper, socio-economically 'out of my league'. I teased her that I'm Larry Fortensky to her Liz Taylor. We reached the point where we agreed to go hiking together after an exchange of friendly messages. I expect nothing more than friendship out of this relationship and I think she understands and agrees. She is FUN to talk to and I expect she will be fun to hang out with.

OLD BULL****: I deferred posting my photo in my profile assuming I would cut down on 'undesirable' contacts. But after a few days I did post a photo. I was correct big time. With a photo in the profile, I am indeed getting more attention from the 'kick out of bed for a warm blanket' crowd. More importantly and very annoying, I am getting a mini-flood of contacts from 'children' (20-45 y/os - recall that I am in my 60s) from all over the country. These 'ladies' (or bots) cleverly encode phone numbers or gmail addresses into their profiles. Many of their photos look like Victoria from DAZ 3D. A waste of time and, by volume, overwhelming any legitimate contacts. This could be easily prevented in coding by implementing an auto-delete filter parameterized with rules like no contacts outside of configuable distance or age thresholds.

Last edited by nospam99; 5th October 2017 at 1:45 PM..
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Old 5th October 2017, 1:45 PM   #22
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Get the league business out of your head. Be happy that you found somebody who even knows who Liz & Larry are.


If you are so inclined perhaps make your own app with those features you seek. You might make bundle in your 3rd act.


Hope the date goes well.
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:33 PM   #23
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I am no longer a fan of OLD. My last relationship was OLD and the one before him was OLD. Lots of players and guys looking for hookups and FWBs. Not too many are looking for committed relationships anymore and I am just too old fashioned so I am sticking to my roots and going to date the old fashioned way. Save my money. Lots of scammers using the 419 scam on there too. I will never forget how angry I was hearing that particular accent thinking I was speaking to an American. I gave him a piece of my mind and a few Southern cuss words too. He was absolutely clueless to what I was calling him too. Luckily he did not have my real contact information such as my email or my cell number. I turned his butt in to the dating web site for fraud and he was deleted. Beware of the scammers out there. They will try to give sob stories and try to get you to send money overseas. Lots of people have fallen for this and its really sad. They are con artists and know just what to say.
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Old 8th October 2017, 10:40 AM   #24
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Status report 1: met first lady yesterday for the 'short, cheap, public'. She 'checks the boxes' for me but from the way the 'informal date' went, I'm rather sure I don't for her. She was polite and moderately friendly throughout but no flirts and no encouragement coming my way. I'm disappointed but can't complain about OLD on this - I got to meet a decent, attractive, unattached woman who otherwise would have been 'a ship I didn't even know was passing'. No reciprocal 'chemistry' - it happens.

Status report 2: still on a literal 'rain check'. The date we planned and postponed is outdoors and the forecast is for several days of rain.

SHOW-STOPPING OLD FAIL: Talking with first lady, one of the topics that fell into conversation was our shared frustrations with the QUALITY of (other) OLD contacts. This is still an annoyance to me because I keep getting romance scams. So I spent about an hour this morning carefully updating my profile to warn potentially interested women what not to waste their time and mine with e.g. contacts from hundreds of miles away. Later I got emails about new 'flirts' (BS messages built into the Ourtime system). But when I logged on to clear out these flirts my hour of profile editting was GONE. Needless to say, I am pissed and this is, in terms of the BUSINESS that this OLD site says it is running, totally unacceptable i.e. failure. Their customer support is M-F so it will be tomorrow when I phone them and, assuming my profile hasn't been restored - stranger things happen, tear them another a---ole. Again, I am so glad I didn't register for more than a month.
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Old 9th October 2017, 9:50 AM   #25
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SHOW-STOPPING OLD FAIL: Talking with first lady, one of the topics that fell into conversation was our shared frustrations with the QUALITY of (other) OLD contacts. This is still an annoyance to me because I keep getting romance scams. So I spent about an hour this morning carefully updating my profile to warn potentially interested women what not to waste their time and mine with e.g. contacts from hundreds of miles away. Later I got emails about new 'flirts' (BS messages built into the Ourtime system). But when I logged on to clear out these flirts my hour of profile editting was GONE. Needless to say, I am pissed and this is, in terms of the BUSINESS that this OLD site says it is running, totally unacceptable i.e. failure. Their customer support is M-F so it will be tomorrow when I phone them and, assuming my profile hasn't been restored - stranger things happen, tear them another a---ole. Again, I am so glad I didn't register for more than a month.
So of course when I phone support I only get to speak to an glorified clerk who has to deal with all the stupid 'how do I do this' and hostile 'this sucks' from subscribers. They do what they are empowered to do and they only know about what's going on from what the business lets them know.
1) The missing profile: I am told that a COMPUTER PROGRAM detected the word 'address' in what I wrote and solely on that basis decided to remove all the essay parts of my profile. The Customer Service Representative (CSR) restores my profile.
2) Almost immediately my photos disappear. No explanation is provided. The CSR restores the photos I uploaded AND a photo that I never uploaded but did provide as a URL in some of the messages I'd sent. No explanation for the 'extra' photo. I point out that the system is parsing 'private' messages and that as an IT security practitioner I regard that as identity theft.
3) Almost immediately all but the last of my sent messages disappear. Not for the first time I wonder if I've pissed someone off to the point that they are sabotaging my account because .... they can. No explanation is given. The CSR says this is beyond her power to restore. She says she is opening a formal trouble report for tech support. I request a trouble report id number and she gives me one.

I don't mean to bore people. I'm sharing the bad parts of the experience so that others uncertain about trying OLD have more ideas about the gotchas. The good part is that although none of the contacts have developed beyond phone calls and one casual face-to-face, in less than two weeks I am 'meeting' women with romantic potential that I almost certainly would not meet without OLD. There are even more 'kick out of bed for a warm blanket' i.e. no potential women (a few have messaged me without me contacting them first) who I strongly suspect I'd be able to meet if I wasn't being such a 'pig' of a guy by applying a looks filter with a high threshold.
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Old 9th October 2017, 11:07 AM   #26
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I thought most men would be thrilled to get a message from an attractive women.
I sure would. I've been on a popular OLD site for 3 years and can't get a date. It's crazy.
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Old 13th October 2017, 7:41 PM   #27
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Status report (on woman number) 2: Met today and had a nice time ... a very nice time (no, not THAT nice, you pervs ). I can't say where this relationship might go but I would rate it an 'OLD enabled' success. Though we exchanged after-date messages thanking each other and saying we each had fun, I won't put more words into her mouth. What I can say from my side is that I met a woman who today I'd call at least a friend and that friendship has some romantic potential. We would not have known each other existed without OLD.

But ....

It took a LOT of time sifting through hundreds by now of zombie profiles and romance scam messages and a couple of heartbreaking (to me) contacts where I just ignored lonely women reaching out to me. The particular service itself, Ourtime in this case, is overpriced, unsupportive, and as a piece of software poorly designed and coded. They may be better than others in that, as a PeopleMatch service, they do at least have a live, almost-English-speaking customer support team that will answer the phones during business hours to commiserate with subscribers and correct data damage that the system itself has done to your profile. I've been on FB and gmail for years, never paid a penny, and never had a message disappear. I've been on Ourtime a little over two weeks, paid something like $37 for a month (I know other OLDs are more expensive), and they lost many messages. Though a trouble report was 'recorded', it is days old with no substantive action taken. I'm an I/T architect, data modeler, and database administrator with more than 30 years experience. NEVER had any permanent data loss like this happen on my watch and always resolved the losses that did occur in a matter of hours. Back to the romance scams, most seem to be facilitated by negligent maintenance of old profiles. Having had these bad experiences, after the fact I researched and found numerous and consistant reports of subscribers making complaints about the same problems I've reported: romance scams and high percentage of zombie profiles: people, women in my case, who joined who knows how many months ago, left probably because of bad results, yet continue to appear in searches AND system-generated matches. Buyer beware. I have had some success. But I had to spend hours on the service sifting the wheat from the chaff to achieve that. If you're going to try OLD, lower your expectations and be prepared to do the work.

Last edited by nospam99; 13th October 2017 at 8:08 PM..
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Old 14th October 2017, 7:35 AM   #28
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I'm kind of horrified at the customer service (or lack there of) & the technical issues. That is just awful. If you are really aggravated call your state's office of the attorney general. They have a consumer fraud division. If this is happening to you, it's happening to others

You hit on the single good thing about OLD -- it opens you up to meeting people whose paths would not otherwise have crossed yours.

Your "successful" date has you doing better than I did, FWIW. In 90 days I talked to 4 men on the phone & met 2 for dinner. Neither panned out & then I just got off OLD. You already had 2 actual dates in less than a month.

I think you are doing a nice thing by documenting your experience. You may want to block & copy it to make it more accessible to non-LS users.

Are you having any luck in other areas finding a dance partner?
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Old 14th October 2017, 3:12 PM   #29
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I'm kind of horrified at the customer service (or lack there of) & the technical issues. That is just awful. If you are really aggravated call your state's office of the attorney general. They have a consumer fraud division. If this is happening to you, it's happening to others
Apparently it is happening to others. Google 'ourtime scam'. But all the other OLD sites get the same complaints: fake/zombie profiles, romance scams, nickel and dime charges, auto-renewal, etc. etc. I just didn't look it up myself until after the fact. I live in NY. I doubt AG Eric Schneiderman would go after an OLD site. Verizon pulls worse s--t than this and he won't touch them.
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You hit on the single good thing about OLD -- it opens you up to meeting people whose paths would not otherwise have crossed yours.
Agreed. As much of a PitA the mechanics of the site are, there is a value proposition for at least some of the subscribers.
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Your &quot;successful&quot; date has you doing better than I did, FWIW. In 90 days I talked to 4 men on the phone & met 2 for dinner. Neither panned out & then I just got off OLD. You already had 2 actual dates in less than a month.
Well ... one meeting and one date (who has now invited me to her place for a home-cooked meal). I hope you know you have my sympathy that you didn't have more success. But who knows? Different OLD site and different circumstances: different genders (you and me), different ages, different locations, even different degrees of plain old luck. Who knows what parameters matter? And be real. Ms OLD and I ain't married yet. The relationship, like any other that hasn't had time to mature, could end tomorrow.
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I think you are doing a nice thing by documenting your experience. You may want to block & copy it to make it more accessible to non-LS users.
You're welcome. I'm not planning to make my feedback accessible outside LS. Like I said, plenty of people have already done so. I was and am prompted to keep posting here at LS because this is where other users suggested I try OLD.
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Are you having any luck in other areas finding a dance partner?
Thanks for asking but not specifically. Ironic that IIRC a response that I got in a previous thread was along the lines that, as a senior male interested in partner dancing, women would beat a path to my door. That hasn't happened. As near as I can tell, the women who have responded with any interest are either sadly desparate or saw something else interesting to them about me - my guess is a relatively high energy level but ... I don't know since I don't see the profiles of other guys. I do see a lot of complaints and heard directly from the two women I met that most of the men are still, at our hoary age, only interested in sex. About the dancing, my new friend (getting close to gf) and I haven't really talked about it. She may be interested in dancing and it just hasn't come up yet because of the other stuff (long outdoors hike in foliage season and her love of nature and animals) that we've shared.

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Old 14th October 2017, 3:22 PM   #30
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It has been over 12 years since i used OLD, but it was about the only way for me to get dates based on where I lived and my lifestyle at the time.

It was a bit crazy out there in OLD, but better than staying home. Eharmony did not work for me - match got me dates. Also the gals did the picking. But thats along time ago.

I do like how specialized all the sites have gotten since then - that is focusing on your "type". Everything you can imagine.

Its my perception (or was many years ago) that older secure guys 60+ who can get around - are in demand. We men tend to start dying off around our 50's more than women.
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