Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > General > General Relationship Discussion

It Never Ends -- ''older'' man (over 40)

General Relationship Discussion Everything else under the sun. Not sure where to post? This is the place!

Like Tree7Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th November 2017, 4:34 PM   #31
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 22

WHOA!!!! Yes!! And, believe it or not, that occurred to me only within the last few days. Then my PRIDE started bugging me.

I have no one to blame but myself.

Yes, GREAT observation! It became close to a form of worship, even. That's a little bit higher than a pedestal. She became a little god. I'm still shaking myself out of this. It's been many years. Seems very wasteful.
ItNeverChanges is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2017, 12:18 PM   #32
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 13
Therapists are probably no good for you. They wont understand but they will act like they do. I obsess myself over women and hate it because it can snowball your thinking entirely.
To paraphrase famed star Dickie Betts in a song: There is nothing youcan say and nothing you can do when you love someone and she doesnt love you!
Myword is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2017, 1:44 PM   #33
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 22
The Wisdom in Songs [??]

I generally do not like references to songs, old sayings, etc. But, Myword, when the song reflects what I have LIVED; what I FEEL, then the words are on target.

"There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do when you love someone and she doesnt love you."

Yes, if I say something, the reaction or reply might be negative. If I do something, like send her a gift, then she might label [in our FEAR-BASED society] me a stalker. Oy vey!! There is no win for me AT ALL.

I've been to TWO therapists. Neither of them were of any help. When it becomes obsession, I'm not so sure if anybody can help. I think mine moved from obsession to ADDICTION.

You build a world that exists only in your mind. I try to remind myself that, even in the most ideal situation, that SAME BEAUTIFUL FACE might, years later, be one that I CAN'T STAND.

It happened to me in my second marriage. She had done fashion modelling--very beautiful woman. After 6 years of her NAGGING, I didn't come home. Or, I'd come back in the wee hours of the morning, just so that I wouldn't have to see her pretty face. I would enter my basement from a side door, and sleep in the basement.

Yet, for men, IT NEVER ENDS. A friend of mine--very academically incluined; PhD in history, and Master's in some other stuff--told me that when I confessed, embarrassed, that, at my age, I was obsessed over a woman.

He smiled and said, "You're not alone. I know guys that are 90 years old, and they are WORSE than you are."

Hard to believe. What is it? Maybe nothing more than biology; the biological imperative to preserve oneself; to assure one's immortality (even if only symbolically) by passing your genes on to children, or just FEELING as if you are--subconscious.

Maybe it ain't that deep. You see someone. You fall in love. Case closed. No big explanation. It's the heart.
ItNeverChanges is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2017, 4:53 PM   #34
Established Member
Cookiesandough's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 4,193
Yes. You find her very attractive so you projected characteristics on her that she doesn't possess. Keep telling yourself that this is lust + idealism. Like everyone else, she has an unpleasant characteristics that will come out sooner or later. Usually with time and familiarity we can see these things clearer
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Older teen girls flirting with older guys Locust Dating 25 28th April 2013 6:16 AM
Dating older guy secretly, have found new guy, but still love older guy! george_scruff Dating 8 13th February 2008 1:06 AM
It NEVER ends.. Apathetic Coping 13 15th June 2006 5:11 PM
Dating older guys??? 10 years older than me. Is this normal, is it ok? brunette4u In Search Of... 27 7th October 2005 3:43 PM
Dating older guy....13 years older! katie4ever Dating 2 27th October 2003 3:04 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:08 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2013 All Rights Reserved.