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It Never Ends -- ''older'' man (over 40)


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Old 10th November 2017, 4:34 PM   #31
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Whoa!!!

WHOA!!!! Yes!! And, believe it or not, that occurred to me only within the last few days. Then my PRIDE started bugging me.

I have no one to blame but myself.

Yes, GREAT observation! It became close to a form of worship, even. That's a little bit higher than a pedestal. She became a little god. I'm still shaking myself out of this. It's been many years. Seems very wasteful.
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Old 12th November 2017, 12:18 PM   #32
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Therapists are probably no good for you. They wont understand but they will act like they do. I obsess myself over women and hate it because it can snowball your thinking entirely.
To paraphrase famed star Dickie Betts in a song: There is nothing youcan say and nothing you can do when you love someone and she doesnt love you!
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Old 13th November 2017, 1:44 PM   #33
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The Wisdom in Songs [??]

I generally do not like references to songs, old sayings, etc. But, Myword, when the song reflects what I have LIVED; what I FEEL, then the words are on target.

"There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do when you love someone and she doesnt love you."

Yes, if I say something, the reaction or reply might be negative. If I do something, like send her a gift, then she might label [in our FEAR-BASED society] me a stalker. Oy vey!! There is no win for me AT ALL.

I've been to TWO therapists. Neither of them were of any help. When it becomes obsession, I'm not so sure if anybody can help. I think mine moved from obsession to ADDICTION.

You build a world that exists only in your mind. I try to remind myself that, even in the most ideal situation, that SAME BEAUTIFUL FACE might, years later, be one that I CAN'T STAND.

It happened to me in my second marriage. She had done fashion modelling--very beautiful woman. After 6 years of her NAGGING, I didn't come home. Or, I'd come back in the wee hours of the morning, just so that I wouldn't have to see her pretty face. I would enter my basement from a side door, and sleep in the basement.

Yet, for men, IT NEVER ENDS. A friend of mine--very academically incluined; PhD in history, and Master's in some other stuff--told me that when I confessed, embarrassed, that, at my age, I was obsessed over a woman.

He smiled and said, "You're not alone. I know guys that are 90 years old, and they are WORSE than you are."

Hard to believe. What is it? Maybe nothing more than biology; the biological imperative to preserve oneself; to assure one's immortality (even if only symbolically) by passing your genes on to children, or just FEELING as if you are--subconscious.

Maybe it ain't that deep. You see someone. You fall in love. Case closed. No big explanation. It's the heart.
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Old 13th November 2017, 4:53 PM   #34
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Yes. You find her very attractive so you projected characteristics on her that she doesn't possess. Keep telling yourself that this is lust + idealism. Like everyone else, she has an unpleasant characteristics that will come out sooner or later. Usually with time and familiarity we can see these things clearer
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