No_Go Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 What is going on in the mind of these types? I just don't understand their psychology. It is not like if you've been orbiting around someone for years they'll wake up on morning and suddenly find you attractive and want to date you. Has this ever happened?? When I became single a few guys that were in my personal circles stepped up their game. They started asking to do me favors, or sometimes do them without even asking and I feel terribly guilty because I know I can't reciprocate. One is a very inexperienced guy that I feel like is my little brother. The other one is an old guy twice my age. The third one is a married/separated guy that I know for sure had an affair with a coworker of mine (and is still orbiting her as well). I'm gender-agnostic regarding friendship but seems like this is not what a lot of men think. I feel like I'm rushing with OLD now to avoid this awkwardness... And because I just never get approached IRL by anyone remotely dateable. Btw orbiting is not just guy specialty. Some women do it super persistently for years. My friend never lost contact with her ex because she thinks he'll change his mind one day... and in the meanwhile she's living with another man! Another friend hovered over her male roommate for years, regardless of his consistent behavior of lack of interest. WTH are they thinking?? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) Women do it a lot. I'm sure I've done it. It is a colossal waste of time, so I hope people do what I say, not what I've done! It's partly the fault of these stupid romance movies where some below average guy gets the dream girl by being persistent. This has always sold tickets. And on the other foot "Pretty Woman" didn't do much for women either. Edited July 20, 2017 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 it happens. Rarely. Not nearly as much as men are willing to sacrifice their dignity for though. When it does happen, you can almost guarantee it's for a reason that would have made him a choice even if it had not been orbiting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 If I told guys some stories from the other side, I think they would stop their orbiting ways tomorrow Honestly? Women have so little respect for those guys. It's amazing. I'll tell you when the orbiters come out in full force, it's when you refuse a woman exclusivity. She then reveals all of them in order to make you jealous. The uses these guys have are endless. Want to know her orbiters? Deny her exclusivity for a bit. Some examples: - Had one girl that had a musician who was trying to impress her. Was sending her his music. She kept going on to me about him. His music was really good though, so I got her to give me the files - Had another who started dating this one orbiter to make me jealous (or maybe just to detach a bit, who knows?), whilst I was sexting her throughout the date. - Had another that would use a guy as a taxi service. Dropped her off to me a couple of times. Sometimes orbiters break through. One girl that I was starting to settle with slept with someone who was orbiting her for ages. It's not always the case that they are harmless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 ^ Oh, orbitors are not harmless. They will take any crack in the armor to wedge themselves in a ways and will try to make everyone think you're a couple when you're not. Their wheelhouse is waiting for you and whoever you're with to break up and then they swoop in immediately under the pretense of just being sympathetic but then try to come in for a landing shortly thereafter. I don't believe it's all naivety either, that they're just innocent waiting. I think a lot of them are opportunists. Men and women. They will try to take advantage of you when you're down and betray what you may or may not have thought was just a friendship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 They're called beta orbiters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 People orbit because they can not get a relationship going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 A lot of orbiters' orbit multiple people. So I guess those aren't 'orbiters', technically. ::?: Not a bad strategy. Especially when they aren't investing much and enjoy the friendship with the taken girl. Often girls fall back to an orbiter when something goes wrong in their relationship or they need a guy stat. I hear about girls monkey branching to an orbiter all the time. Your friends probably thought that would happen for them. Too bad 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) I have two female orbiters. In my experience, women don't do it as often as men do. One of them is a girl I have been friends with for about 20 years. We used to work together and she was married when we met. She's a really cool chick, very interesting, and I love having her as a friend, but I would never date her. There is less than zero attraction. I hear from her often and she has made subtle moves to try and progress our friendship now that she is no longer married, but I shot her down. She told me she has always had a crush, and kinda let me know that she's around if I wanna go there. I don't and she doesn't bring it up anymore. The other is a girl I had a bit of a fling with last year. She was out of town for months and when she came back, she hit me up for a "date." I told her that I am seeing someone now and couldn't go around inviting other ladies back to my place like before. I still hear from her occasionally, mostly so she can poke fun at me, asking me how my "wife" is, despite the fact that I am not married. IMO, you shouldn't call someone you consider a friend an orbiter. Either they are a friend, or they are someone who is a nuisance that you are not attracted to who hangs around with you even though you don't want them around. If someone is chasing after you an it's weird and/or unhealthy or way one-sided, then you should spare them and cut contact. If somebody is attracted to you (or once was) and you are friends now, then they are not orbiters, they are a friend. Either way, you shouldn't be friends with somebody you have little to no respect for. Edited July 21, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I believe this sums up orbiters pretty well https://xkcd.com/513/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I believe this sums up orbiters pretty well https://xkcd.com/513/ Except that most women have admitted their 'orbiters' admitted attraction, and were already shot down. You can't be an orbiter if the woman doesn't know you're attracted. For all she knows, you think she's disgusting. So then, whose fault is it that they keep 'hanging around'. Also ... a topic for another thread, but why would you want to date a woman who goes out with a@@holes? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 2 of my friends married orbiters when they got dumped by guys they really wanted....so it does work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 2 of my friends married orbiters when they got dumped by guys they really wanted....so it does work. Id never do it, and how kinda shytty it is that the guys had to wait around like puppy dogs at the kitchen table, and pick her up off the ground when she got dropped...But hey, if it worked for them, great I guess... I know a guy that's been orbiting around this woman for over 4 years now..He does stuff for her and even gives her money when she needs it...She's no prize either, not that it would matter... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 Yeah exactly... My guess is they think the match is so perfect and the woman (or man) just made a mistake by not being with them. Ultimately, it is very disrespectful towards the person they're orbiting around because they're ultimately saying 'I know better than you what (who) you need and want' Id never do it, and how kinda shytty it is that the guys had to wait around like puppy dogs at the kitchen table, and pick her up off the ground when she got dropped...But hey, if it worked for them, great I guess... I know a guy that's been orbiting around this woman for over 4 years now..He does stuff for her and even gives her money when she needs it...She's no prize either, not that it would matter... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Orbiters make me sad. And people who keep an orbiter around to feed their egos make me mad. But let's be perfectly honest here. Granted, this is anecdotal evidence.... EVERY orbiter I have ever known or known of by observing - male or female - have remained orbiters not because their TARGET was manipulative, but because the orbiter just would NOT give up and go away. If you think you are an orbiter, instead of whining about how mean your target is for not magically falling in love with you.... WALK. AWAY. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 2 of my friends married orbiters when they got dumped by guys they really wanted....so it does work. I'm not sure what you mean by "it works", though. Those guys are basically planks of wood being found a use for. I think that I've yet to encounter an orbiter who was sexually savvy in any sort of way. That's what makes them orbiters - their mating strategy is one of hanging around until someone finds a use for them. The ones that are, and actually have game, aren't really orbiters - they are a proper threat. In my case, last year I was seeing a woman that had a "female friend" who was a lesbian. Never told me about that. So, I overlooked it completely. When she gaslighted me, I went right through her Facebook looking up everything. The difference between this lesbian girl who had game, and the standard orbiters (planks of wood) that I mostly already knew about was night and day. Hence, I make the distinction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 What is going on in the mind of these types? I just don't understand their psychology. It is not like if you've been orbiting around someone for years they'll wake up on morning and suddenly find you attractive and want to date you. Has this ever happened?? When I became single a few guys that were in my personal circles stepped up their game. They started asking to do me favors, or sometimes do them without even asking and I feel terribly guilty because I know I can't reciprocate. One is a very inexperienced guy that I feel like is my little brother. The other one is an old guy twice my age. The third one is a married/separated guy that I know for sure had an affair with a coworker of mine (and is still orbiting her as well). I'm gender-agnostic regarding friendship but seems like this is not what a lot of men think. I feel like I'm rushing with OLD now to avoid this awkwardness... And because I just never get approached IRL by anyone remotely dateable. Btw orbiting is not just guy specialty. Some women do it super persistently for years. My friend never lost contact with her ex because she thinks he'll change his mind one day... and in the meanwhile she's living with another man! Another friend hovered over her male roommate for years, regardless of his consistent behavior of lack of interest. WTH are they thinking?? The third one is a married/separated guy that I know for sure had an affair with a coworker of mine (and is still orbiting her as well). -- I wouldn't call this one an orbiter -- I'd kinda view him more as a "vulture". Circling a dying creature/situation and waiting until they are completely and totally vulnerable . . . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ClassyTaste Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 The only time I have orbited someone is when I felt they were harmless. Harmless in that I really had not interest, but needed the amusement at the time to get through or over something or someone more important in life. I do not do this anymore because I have grown and matured internally. i am deeply happy within myself 78% of the time. I still have goals to be met. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I don't orbit....I generally just eclipse......:laugh: TFY Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I don't orbit....I generally just eclipse......:laugh: TFY See you August 21 lol blahblahblah I think that is the goal of many orbiters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Orbiters ruin other people's lives. Those who keep them are using them to make their partner feel insecure, create drama , boost their fragile egos. They usually come in the disguise of 'friends'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Orbiters ruin other people's lives. Those who keep them are using them to make their partner feel insecure, create drama , boost their fragile egos. They usually come in the disguise of 'friends'. And sometimes the people who are the ones hanging around refusing to give up are the ones with the issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 And sometimes the people who are the ones hanging around refusing to give up are the ones with the issues. I feel that the person ( who has an orbiter) has THE power to shun the orbiter. IF done the right way , that is , a firm unapologetic NO, cutting them off no matter how , not deviating from their stand , the orbiter will disappear fast enough. They usually stay because they haven't been pushed away firmly. What do you call the person who keeps orbiters lol ? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 This sums them up nicely. Male orbiters usually talk to your girl as much as she will allow, compliment her often, and stalk her on social media. They're pretty much waiting for you, as the boyfriend, to screw up somehow so they can swoop in and bang your girl. They will often actively do what they can to sabotage your relationship as well. As a man, I suggest avoiding women who don't know how to deal with their orbiters. They aren't worth the drama. I have two female orbiters. In my experience, women don't do it as often as men do. One of them is a girl I have been friends with for about 20 years. We used to work together and she was married when we met. She's a really cool chick, very interesting, and I love having her as a friend, but I would never date her. There is less than zero attraction. I hear from her often and she has made subtle moves to try and progress our friendship now that she is no longer married, but I shot her down. She told me she has always had a crush, and kinda let me know that she's around if I wanna go there. I don't and she doesn't bring it up anymore. The other is a girl I had a bit of a fling with last year. She was out of town for months and when she came back, she hit me up for a "date." I told her that I am seeing someone now and couldn't go around inviting other ladies back to my place like before. I still hear from her occasionally, mostly so she can poke fun at me, asking me how my "wife" is, despite the fact that I am not married. And when someone you've thought was a friend for 20 years suddenly springs it on you, doesn't it make you just a little bit mad? Like you've been talking to her about stuff you wouldn't talk to a date about as if she's family and now she's loaded with information that if she gets hurt enough, she could and would turn against you. I had a case where a friend I was close to and then dated after he got a divorce (his idea), one of his best friends continued our friendship after me and the divorced guy broke up. Now I knew the divorced guy well and never wished him any ill will whatsoever, so I certainly didn't want to be the source of any hurt. So I just assumed his friend had so much respect for the divorced guy that he would NEVER try to come after an ex, especially one who had also been a friend and we were all part of the same crowd. But sure enough, he hit on me eventually and I felt it not only was rude to do to the divorced guy who was probably his best friend, but also made it look like I was trying to hurt the divorced guy, even though I was just going along thinking I had a friend. We had been friends before the divorced guy and I dated, all part of a big circle. Anyway, women hate those awkward moments, number one, but then it also made me mad. He put me in a position to look like a jerk with our crowd. I have to assume he's probably let some people at least think we were dating when we weren't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I feel that the person ( who has an orbiter) has THE power to shun the orbiter. IF done the right way , that is , a firm unapologetic NO, cutting them off no matter how , not deviating from their stand , the orbiter will disappear fast enough. They usually stay because they haven't been pushed away firmly. What do you call the person who keeps orbiters lol ? Um....as someone who did everything but bop a former orbiter on the head, I can say this is false. I was firm. I tried to avoid them. I was everything except downright nasty. But we had the same major, so I couldn't exactly drop my classes lol. At some point the orbiting person needs to grow up and accept the rejection. Isn't WASN'T my job to force him to go away. Even if I do have boobies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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