Otter2569 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Have you ever been with someone who is a bad gift giver? I mean bad as in you can tell its last minute and not very thoughtful? I am not material in any way but you can tell when there has not been much effort and thought put into things. I on the other hand try and think of things that are personal and would have meaning or sentimental value. It seems rude and selfish to really say anything so I just smile and say thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fresnite Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Have you ever been with someone who is a bad gift giver? I mean bad as in you can tell its last minute and not very thoughtful? I am not material in any way but you can tell when there has not been much effort and thought put into things. I on the other hand try and think of things that are personal and would have meaning or sentimental value. It seems rude and selfish to really say anything so I just smile and say thank you. No This is what trips me up in every area of my life. People need to be honest, not sugar coat stuff. You can be tactful in how you say it. Like "I really appreciate what you get me, but we have known each other for awhile, I feel you don't get me things that show me you know me and that they are generalized and not something special for just "me" Ok whatever even then it could be better. But people need to be forward with people and not worry about hurting feelings because it creates a lie and gives false sense to a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 If a random person gives you a tacky gift, smile and be polite. If someone you're in a serious relationship with is a terrible gift-giver, you should be able to trust them enough to be honest with them (though hopefully tactful). And if you recognise that someone just IS inherently bad at giving gifts, and it bothers you that they do it wrong, help them out and make suggestions. It's one thing if they're just completely unable to figure it out on their own, it's another if you tell them what to get and they disregard your suggestion for no reason. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Some people are just not that way inclined. The fact that you think so carefully about your own gift giving suggests that material things do actually matter to you as a means of expressing affection, and there is nothing wrong with that. People express and feel emotions differently. The book, "The Five Love Languages" springs to mind. I agree with you that it would come across as rude and petty to bring it up. It may only be an insignificant token in your eyes, but at least they thought of you, and perhaps they show their care for you in other ways that you haven't noticed before. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 My husband used to be a bad gift giver. I got Christmas presents on December 28; he shopped in the "old lady" department instead of for clothes that I would actually wear; he bought low quality. I did say thank you but I also ended up in tears on more than one gift occasion. I realized he just didn't know how to do gifts. So I started including him in the process when I'd pick out stuff for others. I required Christmas wish lists to be exchanged after dinner on Thanksgiving. I took the bad gifts back, bought what I wanted & then praised him as the gift giver when I was complimented on the item I bought after returning what he got me. Over the years he's become an awesome gift giver. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 It really depends on how bad "bad" is. Like, did they literally give you a pair of socks, or was it "not exactly what you were expecting but not terrible as far as gifts go either"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 It really depends on how bad "bad" is. Like, did they literally give you a pair of socks, or was it "not exactly what you were expecting but not terrible as far as gifts go either"? Its only bad in the sense that it appears to show little "thought". Its not an ugly sweater or anything like that. More like she is in a hurry, didn't / couldn't think of anything and had to find something ASAP. Maybe men are harder to shop for than women? I honestly ask advise from a woman at work who gives me great gift ideas and or I put ideas in my phone when ideas pop into my head. Again, its not the value, size or frequency of the gift as much as it is a lack of thought. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Its only bad in the sense that it appears to show little "thought". Its not an ugly sweater or anything like that. More like she is in a hurry, didn't / couldn't think of anything and had to find something ASAP. Maybe men are harder to shop for than women? I honestly ask advise from a woman at work who gives me great gift ideas and or I put ideas in my phone when ideas pop into my head. Again, its not the value, size or frequency of the gift as much as it is a lack of thought. God yes! Men are really hard to buy for unless they have a sport or hobby which can be contributed to. If you were going to go buy something for yourself, what would you buy? If your list is long, then help her out. If your list is short, then it's reasonable for her to struggle. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Its only bad in the sense that it appears to show little "thought". Its not an ugly sweater or anything like that. More like she is in a hurry, didn't / couldn't think of anything and had to find something ASAP. Maybe men are harder to shop for than women? I honestly ask advise from a woman at work who gives me great gift ideas and or I put ideas in my phone when ideas pop into my head. Again, its not the value, size or frequency of the gift as much as it is a lack of thought. Some people (and yes, those people tend to be men ) just don't seem to have any sort of wishlist. That does make it a lot harder to shop for them, especially if you have a budget. If it wasn't an absolutely grotesque gift and the person is thoughtful in other ways, I'd let it go personally. To be honest, material gifts don't seem to be a big thing for many men either, so it's possible she just thought it didn't matter that much to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Some people (and yes, those people tend to be men ) just don't seem to have any sort of wishlist. That does make it a lot harder to shop for them, especially if you have a budget. If it wasn't an absolutely grotesque gift and the person is thoughtful in other ways, I'd let it go personally. To be honest, material gifts don't seem to be a big thing for many men either, so it's possible she just thought it didn't matter that much to you. I definitely don't ask for, want or need much so I'm sure that only adds to the stress. She is great in many other ways which is why its no a big deal. Maybe I need to think about dropping better hints or giving her ideas. Ive dated great gift givers. They said people are easy to buy for if you listen to what they say: I really like this beer/wine/style/brand..., Ive wanted to try..., xxx sounds like fun!, I really don't like these sheets/knives..., Ive been meaning to replace/try/go..., I should..., have y been to....? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Because she's bad at this & you admittedly don't need or want much you have to help her out. My husband is hard to buy for. I make him give me a list of 10 items for gift holidays. He doesn't get all of them. I pick from the list so it's somewhat of a surprise. Yes, I do look in the closet to see what clothes can be replaced; I check if he lost a glove or his earmuffs, to see what shape his umbrella is in but the list helps. Through it I learned about an author he likes so when that guy comes out with a new book, which thankfully is about once per year, DH gets that book. Amazon also suggest similar authors which also helps. Do try to be more transparent / helpful with expressing possible ideas of things you would like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 I also think that the effort and thought is what counts. For example, if someone who is not into baking would go out of his way to bake me a small simple birthday cake, I would value such gift highly even though it may not taste good in the objective standards or even though I may not be big on cakes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 I personally don't prefer this idea of a gift list. I thought part of the fun part of receiving a gift is its surprise element ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 I personally don't prefer this idea of a gift list. I thought part of the fun part of receiving a gift is its surprise element ;-) Sure. But some people are just awful at coming up with gifts you'd actually like. Some terrible gift-givers grab something cheap at the last minute and expect you to be pleased they remembered you at all. And if you ARE happy that they gave you anything at all, then fine. Some terrible gift-givers put a lot of thought and expense into giving you the most wrong thing imaginable... you can tell they were trying, but somehow they went down the wrong track and ended up giving you something completely useless or even insulting by mistake. If you're happy that they tried because it's the thought that counts, then everything's okay! However, if you're the sort of person whose feelings will be hurt by receiving bad presents, it's better to help your partner out than to sit around feeling terrible that somehow they don't love you enough to read your mind and give you what you really want that you didn't tell them. Generally your partner wants to make you happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 I personally don't prefer this idea of a gift list. I thought part of the fun part of receiving a gift is its surprise element ;-) I'd rather be surprised too but when the other person is a bad gift giver the list helps. Again, this is why I ask for a long list so I can pick something & there's a bit of a surprise. When I give DH a list I am a bit vague too. I'll say I want earrings but then he has to figure out what kind. DH gives me links to specific items on Amazon but that is OK too because he's really hard to buy for & he doesn't care about the surprise aspect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 I personally don't prefer this idea of a gift list. I thought part of the fun part of receiving a gift is its surprise element ;-) I agree. When I was married we used to do the gift list for Xmas and holidays. It felt very sterile and boring. I used to mix it up. The fun is the surprise BUT as was said, no surprise is better than a bad surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 I don't think it means anything, really... Im admittedly a bad gift giver...I hate shopping(of any kind), and don't really have a good sense for that stuff..At this point, I just give everyone money and they can get whatever they want.. Most people that know me don't judge me on it, because they also know I am very generous with everything I own and do a lot for a lot of people..I'm also the type of guy that would come out at 3AM to help someone without blinking an eye and never complain about anything,, So I guess you need to judge the person as a whole...If they aren't that giving or creative/thoughtful, and they lack in other areas...its just another symptom of who they really are.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 I never wanted to be ''that guy'' saying bluntly that the gift I was offered was lame. I smile say thank you and deal with it. When we were children older relatives sometimes made the mistake of buying the same gift to me, but I just said ''Oh cool thanks''. If we are talking relationship gifts, no never been disappointed, I was offered ashtray, mugs from unemployed or broken students in my twenties and they were doing their best. I liked it. Now well into my 30s, the best gift would be a cool beer haul of American craft. Couldn't make me happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 I never wanted to be ''that guy'' saying bluntly that the gift I was offered was lame. I smile say thank you and deal with it. Now well into my 30s, the best gift would be a cool beer haul of American craft. Couldn't make me happier. I hear you brotha! she bought me a mixed six pack of great beer and I was like a kid at Xmas. Bet gift ever!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Paljoey Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 My exs gifts were to say the least pitaful. I bought her a 400 Tiffany necklace for her birthday beautiful silver and torqiouse. She got me a basket filled with crap. Candy, beef jerky, a retarded Coca Cola shirt. But I loved her and accepted it with love but these gifts do mean something in correlation with how much they care. It's a thought that count and that thought was last minute ass effort 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 ... It's a thought that count and that thought was last minute ass effort Agree. Its not the gift itself as it is the amount of thought and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
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