After the ups and downs, we're now downhill

[Tinkerbell15]

My man and I have 5 years age gap and I normally just let him win in every situation. Often times, I am the one to work it out no matter who started the fight. There was a time when we had a fight and not talk for 2 days then he came back saying "Please give me more understanding." And so I do. All this time. He knows his schortcomings and sometimes he's being rude to me when he just pick when to reply to my PMs. He knows that. He clearly does.

 

And just last week, after I've told him how he acted when he was at a beach with his friends, (I may have nagged or say questioned quite a lot) he was asking me to let him go. Let him go while he still has some love for me or else I'll experience much worse if it comes to the point that he doesn't love me at all. It was through text. When we were having a conversation and he was at work.

 

In the first place I didn't like the idea of him going out with just friends to the beach because I know lot of things will happen after. And I was right. He seem enjoyed his self a lot and didn't text me while he was there. I just texted him when they were on their way back home and I told him I'm seeing the photos his friends posted and didn't know he was the one driving for them when I thought they'll be hiring a van and a driver, and that there's one girl I don't know who. All the boys I know. And the girl isn't anyone significant. It's the first time He's with her. Most of the time we do stuff together and that's why I am so worried about this event.

 

I promised him I'll let him be the one to just text me when he has time when they're already there at the beach. But he just texted when I texted him past 12 MN. And also when they're home.

 

So fast forward, the after-the-beach-nag is the one that trigerred him asking me to let him go. He said I don't deserve someone who's mean to me and that I am smart and I should be enjoying. I said no, I said you know I can't do this. He said I don't have any choice if you don't want to so what do you want to do. I told him let me see when I'm ready but please not now.

 

So after that night, we met in his house like planned. I always go there it it's my off. He tuck me in bed and slept because we're both used to getting up after half of the day (we both work until late night).

 

He said he cant resist and so I thought we had make up sex but he said he just cant stop himself. I asked what he was thinking and he said "I know you notice this too but we're on a cycle. We're okay, we fight, we make up and we change how we treat each other. After a year or two I'm not gonna change (our fights are due to his attitude and shortcomings when I'm trying to make hin realize he's going th wrong way) and that we're not gonna grow. Cant do anything by cry silently while we're hugging each other at bed and he was just embracing me and telling me don't hold back the tears cause I need it. Then we had lunch together until he need to go to work. He sent me home too.

 

When I'm at home I asked him why it didn't feel like make up sex and he confirmed he just couldn't stop his self and that he promised he's just gonna let me and treat me the same until I'm the one who gives up. He doesn't want me to suffer any more. He's also just changed the pass code of his phone just that day. His phone's privacy was always a big deal for him ever since but I still have the access for formality I think. So that I dont make a big fuss about it. I dont really look through his phone but I just wanna have the privilege. But now not anymore.

 

All this happened just yesterday and he aske if I'm gonna go there again tomorrow cause he have nothing to do for the day (both our day off from work) and that we finish the movie we started the day before and also my turn to treat him to lunch (yesterday's lunch was his treat).

 

To make it short, I want to have a chance and I don't want us ending on break up. That's there's more to us than breaking up. We're fighting but I know its too late to take back the nags I gave him and that we can still grow. I want to give him time for himself but I want to make sure he'll realize leaving me is too much. He knows I didn't fo anything wrong and that I just did my best. He was just really on a different state now versus when he met me. He just changed while within the relationship. I want him to know I am with him and I can wait if I have to and that I just need to make sure we're not permanently leaving each other.

 

I cant tell him to forget the after-the-beach fight cause its done. But we've been on so many discussions before and he ends up going back to me after. This seems to be and end and that's what I am afraid of.

 

Any advice?

[bbanner]

Doesnt sound too promising to me. He even said you two have your cycles. Have you grown from your disagreements? Or just repeat the same cycle?

Big RED FLAG: you no longer have access to his phone. Only reason for this is to hide something, possibly from the new girl.

 

Are you happy in this relationship? Are you looking for him to grow in to the person you want him to be? Or do you accept him for who he is?