Ladies, would you date a broke middle aged man who is pursuing a master's degree?

[matt1162]

I don't have money at the moment. Although I'm about to inherit about $50,000-$55,000. I got a grant to pay for most of my tuition and books to finish a master's degree that I started many years ago. In terms of dating, am I considered a "loser" to women? Or do women look at me and think about my future earning potential when my degree is complete? I'm afraid of even meeting women because I'm delivering pizzas part time and while I was living on my own and even owned my own house for many years, a series of bad luck caused my to lose almost everything I owned and I had to move back in with my parents. That's been a mental nightmare for me. I have always assumed that once I lost everything, no woman in the world would want to be with me. What do you ladies think? I'm a decent looking man who stays in shape at the gym. I have nice looking clothes. I even have a cool sports car (a Mazda RX-8). If you met me would you laugh at me for my current situation and then run as far away as you could? Would you date a man in my situation with the knowledge that I would be a good breadwinner once school is complete?

[preraph]

The biggest issue is you living with your parents. Otherwise, there are women of every financial level available.

[Shanex]

Not a lady but you are bold enough to go back to college at an advanced age for your career and many women will dig this. The living with parents part is temporary and at the moment I'd suggest focusing on your degree yet no reason to impose yourself the chastity cage quite yet.

[d0nnivain]

Upon meeting you how would I know anything about your present financial position? Don't overshare you're tale of woe.

 

 

Do put a good spin on it for the first few dates: Life took some unexpected turns. I'm pursuing a Master's degree & am a "poor student" right now. Let the woman connect the dots that your earning potential will go up once you get that degree. Do plan some creative dates: hikes, picnics, seeing a free show in the park, etc. You don't have to spend money.

 

 

When I first started dating my husband I was a licensed professional who owned my own business & he was an adult learner delivering newspapers to make ends meet. I was impressed by his work ethic. I paid for the expensive dates early on but he contributed to our entertainment. We ate a lot of ice cream & stared into each other's eyes across picnic tables in the park.

 

 

If you don't paint a picture of yourself as a loser, the quality women you date won't get that wrong impression of you. But if you think you have no value, you will be hard pressed to find a woman to date.

[somanymistakes]

I don't have money at the moment. Although I'm about to inherit about $50,000-$55,000. I got a grant to pay for most of my tuition and books to finish a master's degree that I started many years ago. In terms of dating, am I considered a "loser" to women? Or do women look at me and think about my future earning potential when my degree is complete? I'm afraid of even meeting women because I'm delivering pizzas part time and while I was living on my own and even owned my own house for many years, a series of bad luck caused my to lose almost everything I owned and I had to move back in with my parents. That's been a mental nightmare for me. I have always assumed that once I lost everything, no woman in the world would want to be with me. What do you ladies think? I'm a decent looking man who stays in shape at the gym. I have nice looking clothes. I even have a cool sports car (a Mazda RX-8). If you met me would you laugh at me for my current situation and then run as far away as you could? Would you date a man in my situation with the knowledge that I would be a good breadwinner once school is complete?

 

If you're middle-aged, I'm assuming you're also dating women who are older than 25, and who presumably have already made some arrangements for their own lives. A woman who has her own home and job and some understanding of how complicated life can be.

 

An established adult woman is less likely to expect that you're going to immediately sweep her off her feet and keep her in luxury (unlike a college girl who may never have lived on her own and is counting on prince charming to take care of her).

 

It's not like you're living on the street or sitting in your parents basement constantly stoned or anything. You have a plan, you're working on things. I see no reason why women in general would refuse to consider dating you. Sure, SOME will turn their noses up that you're not currently high-status enough, but are they really the kind of woman you want to be dating?

 

Your current situation might require some necessary slowness in the relationship. You aren't in a position to be getting a place of your own right now, and you don't want to look like a freeloader or a charity case trying to move in and mooch off a new girlfriend. But it's not a bad thing to go a little slow, is it?

[Lilyana76]

If you were asking me out, as long as I didn't have to support you financially, I would go for it. I think its a very positive thing for a man to have goals, and I think a lot of women are the same way.

 

The living with parents thing is a turn off, however if you have an end goal and are not staying with them indefinitely, then I wouldn't see it as an issue.

 

It would actually be ok with me to date a man in your situation, I have 3 kids from my previous marriage, so finding time to fit in a date is some times an issue. And seeing as how you have no money to really take me out.. a nice stroll in the park in the evening would suit me fine.

 

Are you dating now? Or are you just trying to decide if its something you should put aside for the time being?

 

I think it is also ok for those of us who are middle aged, to take some time for ourselves and grow. I did that for quite some time after my divorce, and it was the best thing I did for me and my kids. It might be the best for you as well. Kudos to you for bettering your situation!

 

Good luck!

[matt1162]

If you were asking me out, as long as I didn't have to support you financially, I would go for it. I think its a very positive thing for a man to have goals, and I think a lot of women are the same way.

 

The living with parents thing is a turn off, however if you have an end goal and are not staying with them indefinitely, then I wouldn't see it as an issue.

 

It would actually be ok with me to date a man in your situation, I have 3 kids from my previous marriage, so finding time to fit in a date is some times an issue. And seeing as how you have no money to really take me out.. a nice stroll in the park in the evening would suit me fine.

 

Are you dating now? Or are you just trying to decide if its something you should put aside for the time being?

 

I think it is also ok for those of us who are middle aged, to take some time for ourselves and grow. I did that for quite some time after my divorce, and it was the best thing I did for me and my kids. It might be the best for you as well. Kudos to you for bettering your situation!

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you. I hear so many jokes about single men in their 40's living in their parent's basement that, even though they are jokes on TV or in a movie, I cringe when I hear them because that's my current situation. It's not like I've never lived on my own. I had my nice 3 bedroom house in a middle class housing development that I lived in for a long time by myself. I met several women that if they had wanted to move in with me, I would have let them but dating has always been hard for me. If I find the right one, she usually isn't interested in me. I've not had confidence since losing my good job that paid the mortgage and everything else. Hearing jokes about men in my situation doesn't help. I'll have to work on keeping the spin positive. Maybe focus more in conversation on what I'm going to accomplish in the next few years instead of dwelling on what's happened in the past. I'm in real need of female companionship but was so afraid of being exposed as the butt of jokes.

[Lilyana76]

You need to let go of those insecurities!

 

Honestly, if you feel like you aren't worthy, the women won't think you are either. You need to be more confident in yourself and say, "this IS what I'm doing, and this IS where I'm going with it." If someone doesn't like that, then they don't deserve to know you when you're at your end goal.

[RecentChange]

Honestly - the living at home part would be a problem for me. Roommates, sure, your financial situation I would be able to look past that.

 

But hearing a man lived at home with the folks would give me a serious pause. Ideally I would be able to go over to his place occasionally - that's out of question if he lives with his mom and dad.

[darkmoon]

I know one woman, first hand, who loved a brainy but broke man, she went for him big time, she paid for the dates - and he dumped her!

[BearwithMe]

i would definitely date u.everybody starts frm less and works hard to earn what they deserve.i'm fully aware that not everyone is born wealthy of course and i think that those who have experienced how it is to have none and then have everything after all the hard work, those people i think are best prospects in starting a serious relationship.personally i would prefer a guy like u and i will be there to support u til u achieve your dreams.emotional and mental support for each other will keep a healthy relationship and will earn each other's respect.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I personally wouldn't date you. Living with parents is a deal breaker. Your financial situation is a big minus. Only because I earn a decent salary and like to eat out and travel. I need someone that can keep up (i.e. afford to pay for himself when going with me - not pay for me). Dating someone like you would restrict my lifestyle greatly.

[GemmaUK]

Things that would concern me would be:

What happened to make you lose everything?

How long have you lived with your parents and how long do you intend to (considering you are talking years for the degree or for things to be good again)

How are you funding yourself now?

Further education such as this costs money where I live.

Plus the insecurity - that would also make me wary - as in how does it manifest itself in relationships/life.

 

These might just be things others will wonder about also.

[JuneL]

But a masters degree shouldn't take too long, right? I would wait until my life is back on track to start dating someone seriously (at least until you can move out of your parents house).

[elaine567]

How old are you?

"Middle age" is defined as being between 45 and 65.

Broke at 45 is one thing, broke at 55 or 65 is a different thing altogether.

[Els]

Depends on the reason and history.

[zouz71]

I know one woman, first hand, who loved a brainy but broke man, she went for him big time, she paid for the dates - and he dumped her!

 

may be he is not a man .

[Chilli]

Wanna hear something strange.

When l was getting divorced l was in a divorce forum for 2yrs.

And you know what , almost all the guys in there where wives had left - destroyed their families , 20 or 30 yrs of working together,walked away from their homes, the marriage, some even left their kids, nearly always to run of with some guy that was flat broke.

So they blew up their family and left all that for him . And another very common odd thing was, he was often even onto his 2nd and 3rd marriage.

Go figure .

 

So yep , you'll be right , just don't takem home till ya get your own place again

Edited April 25, 2017 by Chilli

[matt1162]

How old are you?

"Middle age" is defined as being between 45 and 65.

Broke at 45 is one thing, broke at 55 or 65 is a different thing altogether.

 

I'm 44 so I guess I'm on the young end of middle age. As for how I ended up having to move back in with my parents, the biggest reason was a job loss. I ended up working as a business man but my education is in science. I took the business job because, while the wage wasn't very high, it was offset by big bonuses, mostly company stock. When I lost my job I learned the hard way that my science degree no longer meant anything. It was considered obsolete because I had graduated a long time ago and I had never used it other than for an internship right after graduation. I was stuck in my early 40's with no real job skills. All of my experience with the previous job did not translate into skills needed by other companies. More recent education seems to be my only route.

[spiderowl]

I think it depends on the woman. I would probably not but that is because I have had it so tough in the past being with a guy who would not take any responsibility for earning a living. I had to take that responsibility alone and they were very hard times. That is my reason. There is absolutely no reason to suppose you are likely to be without income for ever or are irresponsible in any way; I just would not choose that as a starting point.

[Almond_Joy]

I don't have money at the moment. Although I'm about to inherit about $50,000-$55,000. I got a grant to pay for most of my tuition and books to finish a master's degree that I started many years ago. In terms of dating, am I considered a "loser" to women? Or do women look at me and think about my future earning potential when my degree is complete? I'm afraid of even meeting women because I'm delivering pizzas part time and while I was living on my own and even owned my own house for many years, a series of bad luck caused my to lose almost everything I owned and I had to move back in with my parents. That's been a mental nightmare for me. I have always assumed that once I lost everything, no woman in the world would want to be with me. What do you ladies think? I'm a decent looking man who stays in shape at the gym. I have nice looking clothes. I even have a cool sports car (a Mazda RX-8). If you met me would you laugh at me for my current situation and then run as far away as you could? Would you date a man in my situation with the knowledge that I would be a good breadwinner once school is complete?

 

I wouldn't laugh at you, and probably would date you but I probably wouldn't believe the relationship would develop into something long term until after you graduated.

[matt1162]

Did I mention that I'm about to inherit $50,000-$60,000 US dollars? I need to save as much of that as possible but it would be money to splurge on an occasional date.

[GunslingerRoland]

Did I mention that I'm about to inherit $50,000-$60,000 US dollars? I need to save as much of that as possible but it would be money to splurge on an occasional date.

 

Honestly I don't think most women I know in the 30-45 year old range would date someone in your situation.

 

You are halfway through your working life, where you worked as a business man with bonuses and everything, and you've managed to let that get down to absolutely nothing. It takes more than one or two bad turns to get that far down. There has to be some serious financial mismanagement on your part in this process.

[anna121]

Did I mention that I'm about to inherit $50,000-$60,000 US dollars? I need to save as much of that as possible but it would be money to splurge on an occasional date.

 

That probably wouldn't be enough to sway me. In fact, if I were dating you and cared about you I'd want you not to touch it at all.

 

As said in a comment right above mine, it would worry me that you didn't have any savings squared away from the good times. At 40 years of age there is a real uphill battle to start saving for a decent retirement. Unless you manage to snag one of the few jobs - like political office - where you can get a pension after only a few years.

[JuneL]

Did I mention that I'm about to inherit $50,000-$60,000 US dollars? I need to save as much of that as possible but it would be money to splurge on an occasional date.

 

Do you not at least have a decent 401k account from when you were working? Staying with parent(s) at your age is a deal breaker for many financially independent women. Can you not at least rent a small studio?