Another man, no baby, what kind of future.

[Sebastian76]

So here we are again. Last time I seeked relationship advise on here was five years ago. With your kind help I ended up single, which without a doubt was the right decision. I met another sweet girl, and we’ve been together for a bit over four years now. We found a really nice and cheap flat in a good part of town, where we have lived with her little boy for 18 months. He’s now six and I’ve taken him under my wing, when he is not with his dad every other week. We’ve tried making a baby for around 3 years, but 18 months ago we learned that my girlfriend has no more eggs and will never have her own child. On top of that she has to take hormones for the next 30 years. Our relationship got more and more strained resulting in a lot of fighting and being cold towards each other the last six months. I watched too much porn and couldn’t be bothered to have sex more than once every 3-4 weeks, which of course is not going to work. She got totally absorbed with work and always came home tired.

 

She is now 33 and I’m 41, so it is about last chance for me to try having a kid of my own. Egg donation is a long ****ty affair where we live, and I have had a really difficult time accepting having a baby with some random donor, that I only the height and eye color off. I’m pretty academic myself and always joke about how 90% of the planet is populated by complete morons. I know it sounds horrible and superficial but I always picked women that I found intelligent and pretty in my heart I just don’t want a stupid or ugly child. So the baby project got postponed again and again.

 

Lately I figured something was odd with her. I asked her 2-3 times if she was having an affair which she denied. 5 weeks ago she asked me if she should go ahead with an egg donor she had met on a Facebook page. Then about 10 days ago she said that she didn’t want to have a kid, if we didn’t have a satisfying sex life and that she was in doubt about the whole thing. I have since stopped watching porn 100% and we quickly got our sex life back. I still felt something was odd, and when reading ’10 signs she is cheating’ she pinged out at least 4 or 5 of those bullets. Finally I snooped on her phone and sure enough things were bad. She had tried to cover her tracks but the browser search history showed her searching for secret dating cafes and appartments for sale in our area. I confronted her with what I had found and she finally fessed up to having been in love with someone from her old work (she changed jobs 4 weeks ago), but that nothing physical ever happened. She finally seemed genuine and based on their texts that I read and the fact that she never stopped trying to have sex with me, I actually believe that they didn’t have sex or even kiss. Before that I was pretty sure that she was banging someone else and just hoped it wasn’t any of my friends. The other guy left his fiance a month ago being in love with my girlfriend, but said that she had told him that she wanted to stay with me and try to fix our relationship.

 

She now says that she’ll do anything to save our relationship and only want me, and that the web search was some weird way of seeing the actual consequences and that she never considered leaving me. I find it pretty hard to believe and I feel going forward is like building a house on quicksand. When we found out she couldn’t have children, I seriously considered breaking up with her and start over with someone who could give me a child. I just couldn’t do it as I loved her and her kid too much. But now it seems like I’ve pulled the short straw, providing for another mans (wonderful) child, not having a kid of my own and a girlfriend being (or having been) in love with another man. Being 41 without children, I know the clock is ticking and I now consider cutting my losses and see what I can manage to scramble together on my own. I’ve already joined a gym, bought new clothes and is working harder on my company to make make it more profitable. One thing is being old and single. But being old, single, broke and fat is just pushing the envelope, if I want to have any kind of succesful life without my current girlfriend. She is exceptionally beautiful and guys just go nuts for her everywhere she goes. I’ll never find one remotely as pretty and I know that I shouldn’t base a relationship on looks, but for me sexual drive and physical attractiveness are closely connected, so for me it actually does matter, right or wrong.

 

It was only yesterday it happened and I just don’t know what to do. The fact that she didn’t have a sexual affair and says that she only wants me makes me think that things can be straightened out, but I still feel totally abandoned and left in the dark. I know a lot of it is my own stupid fault, but I don’t know if I can carry on being with a woman whom I no longer truly trust and who obviously has feelings for another man at the same time.

Edited April 24, 2017 by Sebastian76

[d0nnivain]

The emotional issues that come along with infertility are devastating. If you really want a child of your own, she cannot provide you with one. So you have to figure out what you want more: her or a kid.

 

 

If she is in love with another man, the decision is no longer yours.

 

 

Sorry.