OLD Profile - at a loss about describing myself

[palmsand]

I am in the situation of mostly relying on OLD, and I don't know what to say in my profile.

 

 

Currently I just mention things I'm into, like hiking, camping, my project car, university.

 

I just can't figure out how to describe my personality and interests that I know most people would find boring or stupid.

 

I WANT to say that I love programming, math, physics, chemistry, experimenting with science-y stuff, building things (from computers to scientific instruments), have a very logical mentality about everything, etc. All the stuff that would turn people off.

 

 

Like I can't accurately describe myself because I feel that I need to hide these things, or at least save them for later on after meeting someone.

 

I could say that I'm compassionate, a good listener, kind. But that sounds so cheesy.

 

 

I also don't see using the crappy, general lines like "I'm funny" or "I like to watch TV".

 

 

What sucks is that I'm not some kind of mad-scientist anti-social hermit. I'm pretty normal, have 'normal' friends. I just have these interests, and I'm not interested in 'normal' stuff like movies or music or surfing.

 

 

What can I say about myself that is genuine?

Edited February 24, 2017 by palmsand

[PegNosePete]

You're already off to a good start, wanting to avoid adjective lists and cliche. Writing dating profiles isn't a skill anyone is really born with. It's a skill that must be practiced and honed to perfection, tested and retested, by trial and error, researching, following advice, etc.

 

The first thing is to stop think of it as describing yourself, but rather advertising yourself. Start thinking about your target audience. Who do you want to attract? What would you like to do together? If you ask your future partner "what do you love about me?", what would she answer? The things you mention as turn-offs really aren't to the right woman so don't avoid all mention. But yeah might be best to prioritise hiking and other couple-friendly hobbies. There's nothing wrong with leaving things out - I didn't mention on my profile that I help run one of the largest communities in an MMORPG...

 

It helps to study your competition. Log out and search for men in your age group in your area. Read their profiles and imagine you're a woman. Which do you find the most interesting, and why? Which do you find terrible (there are lots of bad dating profiles) and why?

 

Now you need you need to start writing. Don't say "I am X, I am Y". If you're funny then write something funny. Say where your favourite place to hike is, and why. Where would you most like to visit in the world? Is your project car driveable, if so where do you go, if not when will it be and where will you take it?

 

Remember you're writing an advert. A car ad doesn't say "it's got 4 wheels, an engine and windows". No, they show a guy driving it on a coastal road at sunset with the top down and wind in his hair. It's still the same car. They're not lying. They're just showing it at its best. And that is what you need to do too.

 

I didn't mention pics yet. Pics are extremely important. Everybody thinks "my pics are fine" but at least 90% of people have terrible pics. Getting great pics is an easy way to put yourself on top of the pile. Even if you're average looking (which 90% of us are), with great pics, you'll have a lot more success than even a great looking guy who has bad pics.

 

We can't give specific details on this forum due to the personal identity rules but if you want more personalised advice I'd recommend going to the forums of your dating site, most of them have a "profile reviews" section.

[Larryville]

OLD Profile - at a loss about describing myself

What can I say about myself that is genuine?

 

First depends on your age. The other you must make a woman understand why she should invest her time and energy in you.

 

You must understand what type of woman you are wanting to attract and tailor you profile accordingly.

 

If you are just wanting to attract just any warm body, do what every other dude does and talk about themselves and other silly superficial stuff and post awesome pics and hope.

[palmsand]

Thank you, that's a whole new way of thinking about it for me.

 

 

I'm looking for someone who is on the geeky side. Maybe shares some interests. But definately someone who is intelligent, can have a real conversation, is driven in life and has potential.

 

 

I think it's important to show that I have a future, good career opportunities. And I would want someone who appreciates the work I'm putting into my future.

 

I'm 23.

[Weezy1973]

I would also study women's profiles because you'll see what's important to them.

 

And yes, second the importance of pics. Even better than saying you like hiking is having a picture of you enjoying yourself hiking. As they say a picture says a thousand words...

 

Look at the pics I have in my profile here - you'll see in each pic I'm doing something! Or at least I'm somewhere different. Actually showing pics of you actively participating in life makes a big difference...

[palmsand]

I've done that in the past but it seemed to go nowhere. Now I just have one picture of myself in a wool hat in the snow next to some rustic building. Being in SoCal I think that pic shows adventure and mystery.

 

The other three are of the car in a scenic landscape and some from the mountains but don't show me.

 

When I added the snow pic I saw a huge surge in activity but that has tappered off.

 

To be honest I think 99% of my pictures must be pretty bad.

 

If I go back and pull old pics of myself I will have problems with beard length inconsistency.

 

 

Would it be a good idea to post a pic of myself in front of the car somewhere scenic?

[d0nnivain]

At 23 I don't know too many OLD females who are going to be excited by your keen mind & great job prospects. On a main stream site, mention those things but don't emphasize them

 

 

Do consider sites geared to scientists. I typed "on line dating for scientists" into a search engine & got links to a couple of sites, like dating for scientists, that might be a better fit for you.

 

 

Also attend conferences in your field. You are more likely to find an intellectual equal through your career then on the web.

 

 

If your goal is to avoid clichés, skip the car pic. A scenic pic is OK.

[ReformedPUA]

At 23 I don't know too many OLD females who are going to be excited by your keen mind & great job prospects. On a main stream site, mention those things but don't emphasize them

 

 

Do consider sites geared to scientists. I typed "on line dating for scientists" into a search engine & got links to a couple of sites, like dating for scientists, that might be a better fit for you.

 

 

Also attend conferences in your field. You are more likely to find an intellectual equal through your career then on the web.

 

 

If your goal is to avoid clichés, skip the car pic. A scenic pic is OK.

 

Do 23-year-old women even DO online dating?

 

I mean, I am having a hard time imagining why would they have to. The nerdy girls (who are into nerdy guys) already are outnumbered by the nerdy guys in their classes and work. And all most any other girl in that age range has to do is go to a bar on a Friday night w her friends and look approachable. If she doesn't already have someone in her social circle she wants to date that is. She might not find the guy who is going to be her husband. But she might find a cool fun guy to get with and sometimes these guys turn out to be her boyfriend.

 

Anyway OP, I'd suggest posting up good pictures that portray you as a fun *normal* guy w friends. (I emphasized *normal*, because for all this emphasis we guys have on standing out, a cool normal non-creepy guy is really what women want. There are guys having success w OLD and they aren't all Pulitzer Prize winners.) I can see where PegNosePete is going. Writing the usual cliches is actually OK though. You will be starting conversations via your first emails anyway, so those and your pictures will be what will determine whether or not they will write you back.

Edited February 24, 2017 by ReformedPUA

[SevenCity]

At 23 I don't know too many OLD females who are going to be excited by your keen mind & great job prospects. On a main stream site, mention those things but don't emphasize them

 

 

Do consider sites geared to scientists. I typed "on line dating for scientists" into a search engine & got links to a couple of sites, like dating for scientists, that might be a better fit for you.

 

 

Also attend conferences in your field. You are more likely to find an intellectual equal through your career then on the web.

 

 

If your goal is to avoid clichés, skip the car pic. A scenic pic is OK.

 

From a guy's perspective, a scenic pic is useless for me. I don't care where the girl has been I'm interested in what she looks like. It's one thing if you're in the pic (look at me - I traveled here!).

 

And I've burned through so many profiles I'm starting to see the same pics with different women. Like the one in NYC profiles at some restaurant that brings a birthday cake with a huge sparkler like roman candle (seen that in at least 20 pics). Or the top of the mountain pics from Machu Picchu - I've seen that no less than 50 times with 50 different women.

 

Not to mention the pictures of phrases and sayings...uhg.

 

Perhaps women have a different view but all I care about with pics is what you look like. I do think women want the pics to show you having fun.

 

OP - I run into the same thing. I'm really into guns but that would turn off most women in my area.

[palmsand]

Do 23-year-old women even DO online dating?

 

I mean, I am having a hard time imagining why would they have to. The nerdy girls (who are into nerdy guys) already are outnumbered by the nerdy guys in their classes and work. And all most any other girl in that age range has to do is go to a bar on a Friday night w her friends and look approachable. She might not find the guy who is going to be her husband, but she might find a cool fun guy to get with.

 

 

They do. The last one I met was amazing. Things didn't work out for some reason. Good ones are few and FAR between though.

 

I feel like there are three 'types' on the apps. The ones that just want attention. The ones who use it as a last resort, and the ones who just haven't found someone in daily life. The last girl I saw was the third case.

 

 

There really are amazing people on there. For example, the last girl's profile was just what I'm looking for. Short, simple, correct grammar. Says she works providing elder care, and is getting a degree in aerospace engineering. THAT is the kind of person I like. And I really did like her.

[palmsand]

From a guy's perspective, a scenic pic is useless for me. I don't care where the girl has been I'm interested in what she looks like. It's one thing if you're in the pic (look at me - I traveled here!).

 

And I've burned through so many profiles I'm starting to see the same pics with different women. Like the one in NYC profiles at some restaurant that brings a birthday cake with a huge sparkler like roman candle (seen that in at least 20 pics). Or the top of the mountain pics from Machu Picchu - I've seen that no less than 50 times with 50 different women.

 

Not to mention the pictures of phrases and sayings...uhg.

 

Perhaps women have a different view but all I care about with pics is what you look like. I do think women want the pics to show you having fun.

 

OP - I run into the same thing. I'm really into guns but that would turn off most women in my area.

 

Yep, agree with this. I'm not even that interested in someone who is always out doing crazy/interesting things. It's all about personality. And looks.

 

Unfortunately I pass up countless women who totally fit given interests and that stuff because they are just not attractive. Finding that good combo is hard.

[SevenCity]

Yep, agree with this. I'm not even that interested in someone who is always out doing crazy/interesting things. It's all about personality. And looks.

 

Unfortunately I pass up countless women who totally fit given interests and that stuff because they are just not attractive. Finding that good combo is hard.

 

I find the same thing. Girls who are homebodies (like me) are typically not attractive. Attractive women are always out doing this or that or going somewhere.

 

Even to find a profile that doesn't list "Traveling" as their number one passion in life is next to impossible. I have zero desire to travel.

 

It's tough. At your age the women you meet will likely not be the women you marry so you can try and score as much tail as possible (recommended) by tailoring your profile to what women are looking for. Or, you can blurt out who you are and hope that the rare gem finds you.

 

But as mentioned, you are better off in real life meeting women. Like science conferences, classes, etc. At least you'll have something in common.

[Weezy1973]

I'll just say again about the pics. If you only have one of yourself you're not putting yourself in the best position. Start setting up some activities now with your friends where you're actually going out and doing stuff and get them to take pics of you. And don't worry about different beard lengths. I would just put dates on the pics so people can see how old they are. Recent pics are always better.

[normal person]

I just can't figure out how to describe my personality and interests that I know most people would find boring or stupid.

 

I WANT to say that I love programming, math, physics, chemistry, experimenting with science-y stuff, building things (from computers to scientific instruments), have a very logical mentality about everything, etc. All the stuff that would turn people off.

 

Briefly and concisely mention why you like those things, it will personalize it and make it sound less like everything else she reads.

 

Like I can't accurately describe myself because I feel that I need to hide these things, or at least save them for later on after meeting someone.

 

I wouldn't worry about it.

 

I could say that I'm compassionate, a good listener, kind. But that sounds so cheesy.

 

Saying you're those things does nothing. If you can articulate or demonstrate how you are those things, it's much better. Otherwise they're just wasted words, they don't "take" unless they can be proven.

 

What sucks is that I'm not some kind of mad-scientist anti-social hermit. I'm pretty normal, have 'normal' friends. I just have these interests, and I'm not interested in 'normal' stuff like movies or music or surfing.

 

Actually, being "normal" might be what sucks for you. If you're just like the 1000 other dudes on the site, you're not differentiating yourself at all. You're not giving a girl much reason to like you specifically, as opposed to the next guy who likes hiking and programming. The goal is to stand out (within reasonable boundaries), not blend in.

 

What can I say about myself that is genuine?

 

What are your defining characteristics? What's unique about you?

 

To be honest I think 99% of my pictures must be pretty bad.

 

Fix your pictures first. Your profile could be written by Oscar Wilde, but if your pictures aren't great, no one's going to feel compelled to read it.

 

If I go back and pull old pics of myself I will have problems with beard length inconsistency.

 

Just use current, good, pictures.

 

Would it be a good idea to post a pic of myself in front of the car somewhere scenic?

 

I don't think this stuff makes a ton of difference. Whatever the picture, just make sure it's a good one -- not one with a goofy face, from far away, with a million other people, etc.

 

Just order your best looking pictures first and then one or two "scenic" or "adventurous" ones. Then make sure your profile is good. You'll be fine.

[MrDuck]

I've never dated online so take or leave my advice as you want, but, i was told that when you want to someone of something you have to show them not tell them. I guess kinda what pegnosepete said!

 

So like.. I could tell you that I love travelling, that I'm creative, that I enjoy cooking and I'm easy going.

Or I could tell you that I love the city, that I love technology, I'm a movie buff and sushi is my all time favourite meal!

 

Which one is true and which one is utter bogus? You couldn't possibly tell because its just words on a screen. Words anyone could say! If you take those things your passionate about, not the generic stuff, then you should be able to convince someone else that you are indeed passionate about it!

 

If i was going to write about myself i might tell you that.. I'm a free spirit, and while that doesn't mean I skip through fields naked and don't wash my hair, I do love yoga, I carry a coin to flip when needed and I have even been known to put the occasional flower in my hair (or beard)!!

That travelling is my vice, I've visited over 50 countries and I couldn't possible pick my one happy place, but when you stand out on my deck on xyz game reserve in africa you can see for miles, right out over the river where the elephants and rhinos come to drink and it's the most beautiful place in the world to me.

I'm passionate about food and I love cook and share that for the people i love. I will make you try all my food experiments. Some will work. Some will not! Chocolate and pepperoni just don't go together!

 

Do you believe me now? ...It's not fantastically written, its no shakespear, but its real!

 

So your profile...

There's nothing wrong with your passions as long as you're passionate about them, and you're real, you back up what you say..

I like hiking, camping

Don't tell them you like it, show them you like it! I love hiking because... XYZ is my favourite place to camp because... When i'm feeling stressed there's nothing better than a spontaneous hike... etc etc etc

my project car

This is cool! This is not generic, so acknowledge that... tell them how or why you came to have a project car? What got you into it? Why do you love it?

 

I WANT to say that I love programming, math, physics, chemistry, experimenting with science-y stuff, building things (from computers to scientific instruments), have a very logical mentality about everything, etc. All the stuff that would turn people off.

Its not the subject, its the delievery! If these are your passions then scream it from the rooftops, be proud of them because confidence and passion are both attractive. Dont be wishy washy!

You love science why? Because you love discovering something new? Challenging things we think we know? You have a certain goal? ....Like if you love it, sell it to me, why is it not boring? Why should i love it too?

You love to build things... what have you built? Have you loved it since childhood? What was the first thing you built?

You have a logical mentality... this is a prime thing to be lightened with some humour, on its own, yeah it might look like your super straight laced, if you deliver it right then your telling her your logical while also showing her your not too serious and can have a laugh at yourself.

 

I could say that I'm compassionate, a good listener, kind. But that sounds so cheesy.

Because who says they are selfish, a bad listener and unkind? Its taken as obvious people think these things about themselves so whats the point in saying it. The only way to work it into a profile is if again you show it.. tell a funny story about your love of hiking, that also subtly demonstrates your compassion.. that kind of thing

If instead of listing things you like you narrow down half of those things and write real life stories and examples about them then shes going to get a better idea of what kind of guy you are and how compassionate you are, than if you simply write 'i'm compassionate'

 

What sucks is that I'm not some kind of mad-scientist anti-social hermit. I'm pretty normal, have 'normal' friends. I just have these interests, and I'm not interested in 'normal' stuff like movies or music or surfing.

So tell them... "While I'm not a mad-scientist and I won't do experiments in the kitchen I do have a passion for science since.........."

"Movie and music trivia is always my quizzing let down but i'm very open minded and can enjoy lots of different genres"

"I love spending time at the beach, but i'm a hopeless surfer and would rather sip cocktails and build sandcastle cities"

 

Like you do you! And own it! Whatever you