Am i am doomed to be outcast?

[George9]

Since i broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago I've been going trough the roller coster.

 

First month of break up was damn uncomfortable, but when I understood what have I missed from life by putting 5 years of my life on stand-by (waiting for her get rid of her childhood fears, so we could start mature relationship) it helped me to move on faster.

 

I have started working out (like 99.99% of those who break up), got a job in the field that I've been dreamed about for a while and inspiration to create art got back to my heart.

 

However, there is one thing that I'm still stuck with - social side of me. I've always reserved guy who talks little and if possible avoid talking to strangers at all.

 

When I was in relationship it seem to be fine to have those few friends to meet once in a week. But now when I am single I have realized that I need to have more friends to make my life worthwhile and joyful.

 

Lately I've been putting a lot effort to increase my confidence and become less reserved with people.

 

Here is what I did:

 

At work

Even though I have many coworkers, my position is working solo so I had to put extra effort to make contact with them, which I did.

 

Now I am pretty comfortable to talk with any coworker and sometimes they come over to me to talk about random stuff (we are usually very busy, so we never chat more than 5min.). The only thing is lacking - I am never invited to hang out with them outside the work.

 

 

Daily life

Right after break up with my ex, I tried to reconnect with old friends (or more like acquaintances). I even planned some meet ups (which I usually never do). I did meet up with some of them, but then no intention from their side to meet more often.

 

On the other hand, now I have one friend who's new in town and has similar hobbies as me, so we spend a lot of time together. But sometimes it feels kind of weird that I can't ever invite him to some social gathering that includes other people I know.

 

I have tried to find some friends on Tinder. So far it's been waste of time. Invitations to meet up are either turned down or all the chatting is just empty talks that leads nowhere. To make it clear, I am not looking for a one night stand.

 

Recently I have started taking some graphic design classes, where I would possibly make some new friends.

 

 

If you have any tips how could I improve my road to become more social it would be very much appreciated.

[Lady2163]

It may require a bit of acting on your part.

 

Is there a comedy club in your area? Sometimes they give discounts for larger groups. Start asking around to get people involved. Same thing with your new friend. The bad thing is: what is the cancellation percentage? If you get 10 people to agree to go and only eight show up - are you stuck with the balance due?

 

When I was a boss, I encouraged my managers to include everyone on the shift, whether they liked them or not, if they planned social activities. I also them from discussing it around people who couldn't go. Example: if 2nd shift is going out for drinks after work, don't discuss it around 3rd shifters who are working.

 

It sounds like you have hobbies that help with interactions. I'm pretty much a loner and my hobbies are solitary.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing, it will happen.

[bradt93]

Since i broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago I've been going trough the roller coster.

 

First month of break up was damn uncomfortable, but when I understood what have I missed from life by putting 5 years of my life on stand-by (waiting for her get rid of her childhood fears, so we could start mature relationship) it helped me to move on faster.

 

I have started working out (like 99.99% of those who break up), got a job in the field that I've been dreamed about for a while and inspiration to create art got back to my heart.

 

However, there is one thing that I'm still stuck with - social side of me. I've always reserved guy who talks little and if possible avoid talking to strangers at all.

 

When I was in relationship it seem to be fine to have those few friends to meet once in a week. But now when I am single I have realized that I need to have more friends to make my life worthwhile and joyful.

 

Lately I've been putting a lot effort to increase my confidence and become less reserved with people.

 

Here is what I did:

 

At work

Even though I have many coworkers, my position is working solo so I had to put extra effort to make contact with them, which I did.

 

Now I am pretty comfortable to talk with any coworker and sometimes they come over to me to talk about random stuff (we are usually very busy, so we never chat more than 5min.). The only thing is lacking - I am never invited to hang out with them outside the work.

 

 

Daily life

Right after break up with my ex, I tried to reconnect with old friends (or more like acquaintances). I even planned some meet ups (which I usually never do). I did meet up with some of them, but then no intention from their side to meet more often.

 

On the other hand, now I have one friend who's new in town and has similar hobbies as me, so we spend a lot of time together. But sometimes it feels kind of weird that I can't ever invite him to some social gathering that includes other people I know.

 

I have tried to find some friends on Tinder. So far it's been waste of time. Invitations to meet up are either turned down or all the chatting is just empty talks that leads nowhere. To make it clear, I am not looking for a one night stand.

 

Recently I have started taking some graphic design classes, where I would possibly make some new friends.

 

 

If you have any tips how could I improve my road to become more social it would be very much appreciated.

You could always ask your co-workers to hang out sometimes, just because they don't invite doesn't mean they don't like you or are uncomfortable around you.

[preraph]

You're off to a good start! At work, organize an after-work happy hour, or if you're sports people, see if anyone wants to come over for a game. In other words, don't wait for them to ask. Also, just ask someone if they want to go to lunch with you.

 

 

Throw a cocktail party or barbecue. Invite everyone you know from work and from your personal circle and tell them to PLEASE bring a friend or friends. Because this is how you expand your circle. Sometimes an informal barbecue in the back yard overflowing into the house is best, but you will be stuck at the grill most of the time. But once you invite them to something, they are likely to reciprocate one of these days.

 

Join a bowling league or see if there's "game night" in your neighborhood. Get a motorcycle and join a club. Connect online with people who like to go camping or things like that if it's within your comfort zone.

 

If you aren't hurting for money, tell everyone at your office you're taking anyone interested to see the next big movie (like a superhero one or a Star Wars, something most people want to see). My boss does that. But it's expensive.

 

If you like to dance, seek out retro type places where people dance to old music or go to a modern club. Take dance lessons. They're always short on men! It's expensive though I guess.

 

Also, take a night class in something you enjoy at the community college. No pressure. You can either do it for credit or not. This could be cooking, kayaking, dance, bowling, tennis, woodshop, if they still have that.

 

Good luck.

[SaltAndLight]

I understand the need for friendships... we all have that need. However, genuine friendships are often much harder to find and take more time to develop... keep your head up!