Unfullfilled and wasting my life *long*

[Lonelywife28]

When we met, were were both fresh out of long term relationships and it was never supposed to be anything serious. Somehow, we ended up together for the next 5 years and we moved in together after 1. I went from living with my parents to living with him.

 

Our relationship had no honeymoon phase. We got along like best friends mostly, and the sex was out of this world in the beginning. But, He has never been, and never will be the romantic type. He's actually not even that nice or interesting.. or fun to be around, for that matter. Hes negative and dull, and very different from me. He is usually On his phone playing games 24/7 or at work and rarely even looks up to greet me. We dont talk, aside from very casual mundane daily things. Hes not a gentleman at all, so I will never come home to flowers and he will never tell me im beautiful. He shows no interest in learning more about me, creating any kind of memories together, making plans, setting goals,discussing anything at all, or growing as a person. He does absolutely nothing around the house and doesnt complain if i dont either.

 

But once upon a time, we were very close.. we overcame alot of struggles and learned many life lessons together. We seemed to have found exactly what we needed in each other at exactly the right time. A big part of my growing up process was done with him by my side. Things have changed now though, and i cant shake this gut feeling that we have just outgrown each other..like whatever purpose we served in each others story has come and gone.

 

When we got married, we just mutually decided on it one day. I was 26 and he was 30. He didnt propose, we had a very short engagement, and the wedding itself was low key and basic. His mom organized the whole thing. It was in his sisters backyard with family only and we had no honeymoon. I only missed one day of work and that was the wedding day itself. We had already lived together for 4 years, so not much changed at all.

 

it has now been 1.5 years since the wedding, and im starting to doubt whether or not i love him anymore. We have nothing in common and sex is nothing but a distant memory. We dont even fight because we barely speak. I lost a pregnancy about 2 months ago at 12 wks. Due to the pregnancy and few other factors, i have put on a little weight. Recently he admitted to me that he is no longer attracted to me sexually because of the weight gain.

 

in the weeks leading up to him saying that, i had experienced a sudden surge in my sex drive ..but due to his loss of attraction for me(which i didnt know at the time), he kept turning me down,which caused alot of sexual frustration for me,and put a bigger wedge between us. since he made that confession, my sex drive has hit an all time low and suddenly i find myself feeling very insecure and self conscious.

 

Lately, my head has just been spinning, and ive really been putting things into perspective, assessing my own wants / needs, and really questioning our whole relationship. I can definitely admit and recognize that i hold resentment towards him for the fact i dont have children yet at 28, and the possibility of that changing any time soon is not very promising, due to the recent death of our sex life. I should also add that ive been an active stepmother to his 7 year old daughter for 6.5 years, so he spent a big portion of our relationship adament that he wasnt ready for another kid,that he didnt want to have one with someone unless he was 100000% sure they would last. So i waited. And waited. While watching everyone i knew have babies who grew into kids, i had the thankless job of a part time weekend stepmom, (which came with its own set of struggles and problems) but never my own child.

 

I also admit that i feel kind of cheated out of the cute love story/romantic proposal/happy ever after that i feel most other people get a chance to experience at least once in their life.

 

When i look at him... i feel nothing.. just a little bit of regret, some resentment and hint of nostalgia. And now here i am stuck; married,miserable, held back, and trapped, in a mediocre life at best, and making vert little progress, if any at all. We share a rental lease together, a car, a dog, a joint bank account, and bills/debt. I'm not getting any younger. I have time and assets invested that i can never get back. I feel like i wasted all those years on him and i have no one to blame but myself for not realizing this sooner.

 

We are not poor but certainly not rich either and i dont have money sitting around to just go and get my own place. Besides, its not like i hate him or wish him any kind of harm, so leaving him high and dry for no real reason seems harsh, since we both rely on the dual income to get by. I suppose If i really wanted to, i could leave.. but it would not be easy, or an overnight process. I feel like its not bad enough to leave but not good enough to stay. I just want more out of life. And honestly, At this rate, i dread the thought of what life will be like 10 years from now if i dont make a change.

 

I am bitter about the fact that i gave him the best years of my life and have nothing to show for it.. not even the security of unconditional love, since hes only attracted to me when i look the way he wants me to., im also very aware that no good will come from clinging to a mistake just because i spent alot of time making it. I just dont know what to do.. and with each day that passes i just feel like my options increasingly become more limited

[Gaeta]

You have all of the options only your fear of the unknown keeps you there.

 

You leave, you change your life and turn it into something you want it to be. You are only 28 years old with all of your life in front of you.

 

I left a 15 year marriage at 33. I had nothing. I left with only my clothes, my kid, no child support, and a minimum wage job. I made it work. I worked toward giving me the life I wanted. Now I have an executive position, I own my home, and the man in my life is loving and attentive.

 

My only regret is that I waited years to offer myself the life I wanted.