I can't stop thinking about this...

[IfonlyIknew]

Okay LS, I refuse to bring up any problems to my friends or family so this is where I need you guys.

 

Been with my guy for about 10 months, no issues, 100% trust him. He was never married but split from his ex about 4 years ago (they have 2 kids & were together 7 years). I've met her multiple times, I'm around his family and kids often. There is no drama between them or us. Now this weekend... I go to his house and notice my bf has his Christmas cards all hung up as a lot of people do, I see mine, then I see this adorable one that is dedicated to his nickname, out of curiosity I read all the cards including that one, THAT one happens to be next to mine so he's not hiding it, but it starts off as "I love you.." and is a huge paragraph on how he's a "great father, I respect and love you and so do our kids, I couldn't have asked for a better father to our children than you, you deserve good (she crossed good out) and wrote GREAT things for 2017. I love you so much and wish nothing but the best" I was kind of shocked at how emotional that card was, I told him "wow that was quite the card there from your ex" he said "Yeah that's part of her being bipolar, she can be really nice and the next thing you know she's someone else". Now a part of me feels that card was really beautiful and touching, I'm happy they have such a respectful relationship as parents, also this is nothing that *he* did, she gave that to him and it said nothing about how they are in love or anything it was strictly her letting him know that she loves him and so do their kids and that he's so great. The other part of me feels if they have such a great respectful relationship, why didn't they stay together as a family? He tells me she is a "party girl" but then I see this type of thing and wonder was it really that bad to split? I don't know maybe I'm overthinking it's just sitting a little off with me right now.

[mikeylo]

What was the need to put the card over there ? Duh !

[IfonlyIknew]

What was the need to put the card over there ? Duh !

 

What do you mean the need, he put everyones up, he wasn't hiding it..are you saying you think he wanted me to see it?

[mikeylo]

IMO, if he had to put it as an acknowledgment and for kids ( if they are very small) to see, he could have put it somewhere on the side and be done.

 

Now, putting it next to yours is a stupid thing. Unnecessary issues.

 

If he put it there intentionally, then probably he seeks drama.

[Gaeta]

This is her speaking, her words, not your boyfriend's. Knowing she is battling mental illness I would not worry so much.

 

Let me give you an example.

 

When my ex-husband died, his ex-wife (which was his first wife) sent flowers to the funeral home. In the card she went on about how much she was in love with him and his departure was ripping her heart apart etc. She wrote this as if she was still with him but they had split 30 years prior to his death. Yes, she battled mental illness all of her life. I spent 15 years with my ex and never paid attention to what she would say, do, or send. My ex-h knew how she was, his family knew, I knew so we just let it slide. I suggest you do the same.

[ASG]

Also, just because there's a nice card, it doesn't mean the relationship was nice.

 

My parents are still good friends. My dad is a fixture at most family dinners at my mom's house. It doesn't change the fact they haven't been together for nearly 30 years and never looked back! Their relationship wasn't great and they decided to end it.

 

You are seeing one tiny spec of what their relationship is/was. It's great that they manage to get along as parents (mine did the same and it was GREAT), but don't think for a minute that that translates into their relationship as lovers.

[IfonlyIknew]

This is her speaking, her words, not your boyfriend's. Knowing she is battling mental illness I would not worry so much.

 

Let me give you an example.

 

When my ex-husband died, his ex-wife (which was his first wife) sent flowers to the funeral home. In the card she went on about how much she was in love with him and his departure was ripping her heart apart etc. She wrote this as if she was still with him but they had split 30 years prior to his death. Yes, she battled mental illness all of her life. I spent 15 years with my ex and never paid attention to what she would say, do, or send. My ex-h knew how she was, his family knew, I knew so we just let it slide. I suggest you do the same.

 

 

Thanks for sharing that with me. She is battling a mental illness and that itself is unfamiliar to me, I don't know the severity of it. It's the first time I'm dating someone with kids so this is all new and I'm trying to be understanding and encourage a healthy relationship, I just felt that was a little much, but like you said those are her words towards how she is feeling it just stung a little bit

[Gaeta]

Thanks for sharing that with me. She is battling a mental illness and that itself is unfamiliar to me, I don't know the severity of it. It's the first time I'm dating someone with kids so this is all new and I'm trying to be understanding and encourage a healthy relationship, I just felt that was a little much, but like you said those are her words towards how she is feeling it just stung a little bit

 

Over the 10 months you've been dating is this the only incident? If it's the first incident I think she just got emotional over the holidays.

[Mrin]

OP: It is fine that have that reaction. But why they split could be for a lot of reasons. He actually gave you one - she's bipolar. I don't know if you've even known a bipolar person you know how loving and as sweet as she was in that card? Now imagine the inverse of it. How far to the opposite she'd have to go. Unloving. Cruel. Sour. That's a close approximating of how the other side of her bipolar disorder is. Now imagine being married to someone like that. If left untreated, it is pure hell.

 

So i don't think you need to look any farther than you have.

[Gloria25]

IMO, if he had to put it as an acknowledgment and for kids ( if they are very small) to see, he could have put it somewhere on the side and be done.

 

Now, putting it next to yours is a stupid thing. Unnecessary issues.

 

If he put it there intentionally, then probably he seeks drama.

 

Either he gets off on two women wanting him and is craving some girl-fight drama; or, he sees both of you as two important women in his life. You know him and hopefully have spent enough time with him to figure out why he did it.

 

Me? Recent dude kept the sticky with my tel right there on desk, but did not call/text/etc. I wondered what the point of keeping my tel on your desk - in plain view - was about if you're not gonna use it. A friend warned me that he possibly did it to see if I'd say something to him ....Fast forward, dude has created a lot of drama for me with all the stuff he's been telling people - so maybe my friend was right about him and the sticky and I don't have time for guys who want drama. No need to test me with drama and games.

 

If he's not a Drama King, then, IMO, being sweet and amicable with the parent of your kid is necessary to avoid drama, legal battles and for the kids' sake cuz step parents or not, over 90% of kids see their bio parents as their "family" first. The separation of their parents is hard enough on them, so seeing mommy and daddy being loving and sweet helps sooth the hurt of the kids' loss.

 

Well wishes and hope it works out.