seeyoung87 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I've been with my boyfriend for almost six years. I question everyday what it is that keeps us together. We don't see each other often though we only live a hour apart. When we see each other we don't hug, we don't kiss (with the exception of a peck upon saying goodbye), we don't even hold hands When one of us gets out the car the other person is already fifteen feet ahead. I can't remember the last time either of us said, "I love you." Our conversations often consist of long silences. I tell him, "This isn't love. We tolerate each other." He mocks me saying that's my famous line. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 So what do you think is keeping you from ending it? You mention there's no affection, do you have sex? What do you do when you see each other? Who's idea is it usually to get together? Those are 6 years that you won't ever get back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 We have sex, but very rarely. It feels like an obligation. He complains about the lack of sex in our relationship. I don't know what he expects when we barely see each other. When he complains about it. I then feel like he only wants to see me to have sex. If we visit one another and don't have sex. He calls me later that day and his first words are, "So, why didn't we have sex?" I know this may seem foolish, but sometimes I think I stay with him because I don't want to disappoint him like many people have. He says all his friends are married and his family while there are at times difficult to talk with. I never asked to be his world. I had wanted to be apart of it and that upsets me. He has said in the past he doesn't have many friends because when he has free time he's with me. See the contradiction there? His friends are busy with their lives, but when we fight I'm to blame about his lack of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 We see each other at the most four times a month. It wasn't anyone's idea. It's just what our schedules may allow. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Something has gone wrong somewhere along the line and neither of you trust each other any more. I don't mean from the point of view of whether you are faithful to each other or not, but for two reasons: - You feel he only sees you for the sex and is not really interested in you any more - He feels he is not getting sex and wondering why you don't want intimacy and closeness with him any more. I can see your point of view entirely. I can also see his. Guys can become a bit focused on sex as to them it is intimacy, mostly. They don't talk for hours and share like girlfriends do when they get together; they do tasks, play games, and occasionally swap information, they don't talk about intimate feelings much. So for a guy, physical intimacy is the way he feels close and loved. Having said the above, a guy will not get physical intimacy if he appears not to care about his girlfriend so it seems both of you have got fed up with this relationship and can't seem to revive it. There is so little in it for either of you now so why not end it? You could be with someone who is loving and attentive. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Why are you still with him if he is not meeting your needs. What do you plan to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I've been with my boyfriend for almost six years. I question everyday what it is that keeps us together. I said this in another thread, “time is a terrible thing to waste.” You being with him six years describing what you did says more about YOU than him or the relationship itself. Ultimately I believe women who engage in such pointless relationships don’t value themselves in some way or you had poor relationship role models. YOU may need professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Share Posted November 29, 2016 (edited) You're right. I know there are bigger issues we have with one another trust being one of them. I continue because my mindset was if i changed this and that he'd see I really do care. I always feel like I have to prove something to him. I have thought about seeking counseling. I know I won't form a healthy relationship until I learn to value myself more. Edited November 29, 2016 by seeyoung87 Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaDiane Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 What's in it for you? Do you like him? Love him? Do you see yourself with him 20 years from know? How do you picture it? If the answers are 'yes', then fix what's wrong, and if they're 'no', then ended and look for something new! Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 I love him, but now that I'm older I finally see the difference between love and being in love. I'm such a pessimist. That's my biggest flaw. I can't see past tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
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