l8estnews Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Hi, I a new to the forum. I have been lurking here for quite a while as I was basically looking for a place to talk to about religion and relationship issues. And hey, I found a site that caters to both. I have never been into a relationship, but I wanted to have it someday. I am already in my early "late-20s" but I still don't feel the pressure actually. Just enjoying singlehood. But my main issue is my ability to trust people and myself. I have extreme low self-esteem despite my outer "confidence." I feel like I don't deserved to be loved and that no one can actually love me for who I am. I am afraid to be cheated on. Because I have this notion that people who do express interest in me will realize how awful I am as a person and they'll basically just leave me or replace me with someone else. Betrayal is something that I can't handle well. I've read the Infidelity forum and I am so horrified with the stories. I don't think I can go through with all the pain these people go through. Should I just continue to embrace singlehood? Is my fear workable? Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I have never been into a relationship, but I wanted to have it someday. I am already in my early "late-20s" but I still don't feel the pressure actually. Just enjoying singlehood. I feel like I don't deserved to be loved and that no one can actually love me for who I am. I am afraid to be cheated on. Because I have this notion that people who do express interest in me will realize how awful I am as a person First you need professional help, period. IF of course you truly want to address. Google (Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) – Many people who sound like you and post always reminds me of this… Let’s just say I have had some “significant others” who were actually diagnosed and got therapy, of course not everyone suffers from but anytime I read wording like you expressed just reminds me, worth a look. Therapy… until you fix the mental process you can never have a “healthy” relationship. You will latch on to whomever pays you positive attention and subsequently smother. You will constantly be looking over your shoulders, checking phone, email You will test your significant other who will then resent you. And if you have any doubts after all of that you will likely resort to cheating. The thing is until you fix YOU anyone you get involved with you will just be wasting their time and effort and is NOT fair to them. Good Luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 You will test your significant other who will then resent you. As this poster accurately pointed out, you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your lack of trust will cause you to act in ways that will drive your partner away. You'll assume this to be proof they weren't trustworthy. The act of love means making yourself vulnerable. And vulnerability brings with it the possibility of hurt, no way around it. However, avoiding the risk also means foreclosing the reward. The right person will make this pretty easy to understand... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author l8estnews Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 First you need professional help, period. IF of course you truly want to address. Google (Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) – Many people who sound like you and post always reminds me of this… Let’s just say I have had some “significant others” who were actually diagnosed and got therapy, of course not everyone suffers from but anytime I read wording like you expressed just reminds me, worth a look. Therapy… until you fix the mental process you can never have a “healthy” relationship. You will latch on to whomever pays you positive attention and subsequently smother. You will constantly be looking over your shoulders, checking phone, email You will test your significant other who will then resent you. And if you have any doubts after all of that you will likely resort to cheating. The thing is until you fix YOU anyone you get involved with you will just be wasting their time and effort and is NOT fair to them. Good Luck I have read about RAD and it says that this disorder stems from infancy. But I was so clingy and loved when I was a kid. But everything went under when my family became broken and experienced severe bullying. I just shut off completely. And now since I am witnessing infidelity and cheating left and right through friends and family, I just can't wrap up my mind that I can trust people again. I always see couples and at my head, the first initial thought would be "I wonder if he/she is cheating" and I just try to assess their body language if I can see a hint (I sound so mental I know) yeah, I am super cynical in humans and their capacity to be faithful, loyal, and their capacity for unconditional love. Or maybe because I lack experience on all of the mentioned stuff that my reality is just these qualities doesn't exist. As least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I am super cynical in humans and their capacity to be faithful, loyal, and their capacity for unconditional love. l8estnews, other than your Mom and your dog, no one is going to love you unconditionally. Trust comes from understanding the conditions ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts