alwaysgreener Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 This may be more a rant than asking a question, but I've been feeling discombobulated all weekend and I think it's mostly because I have not connected with any of my friends out these three days. Since I have wound up in a family situation over the years, my communication with my buddies have dropped of significantly and it feels like I have no one to call right now and my phone's not ringing either. The ride is all shined up ready for the weekend, and all I want to do is hop in and cruse over to a good friends house to throw a few beers back and have a good time, with or without my family. Right now my fiance took the kids over to her mom's house for a family breakfast which I did not want to attend as it feels like a poor consolation and it's not me controlling my own destiny this weekend, if that makes sense. Her family is fine with me, but hey, I can't "turn up" the same with them. It turns out that her mom has now decided to have a cookout, so my fiance is coming back to get some stuff and pick me up, if I don't drive myself. I will go later only to spend time with my family and not be so unengaged, and I couldn't handle being there all day so I'm really glad I didn't go this morning. Sorry if this is a mindless rant, I literally have 5 other threads worth of stuff going through my mind right now, but in summary, not keeping up with friends over time is coming back to bite me and this weekend has been a fail in doing anything I wanted to do. I'm just so out of balance tight now not hanging out with the fellas much these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysgreener Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 I wasn't sure if this was more a friendship thing or relationship thing so I just put it here... Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Not trying to be harsh here, but there's an awful lot of pity for yourself going on here. From the sounds of it you do have buddies. And you also have a solid relationship and children, two things that many men and women go their whole life shooting for and never achieving. Maybe a little perspective. Trade offs happen in all circumstances of life, as a family man you can't necessarily be partying every weekend like when you were single but I bet there are times when your single buddies wake up after a wild night feeling hungover, lonely and unfulfilled too. What exactly is stopping you from seeing your friends more? It's important to maintain close friendships outside of the relationship, for you and your partner, but it does take increasing effort as the years go by and we get bogged down by family and career. It's probably never gonna be the same level of freedom to just hop in the car and go see friends again but if the bonds are strong I don't see why you can't make it work. Are you always trying to leave it until last minute? Cos that's a real good way to never see anyone when you all have other commitments. My friendship group in our late twenties is different now we are all shacked up, have kids, or demanding careers but we make it work. Technology is great for keeping in touch in low demand ways throughout the week, we use snapchat a lot for quick snippets of our days and have a group whatsapp conversation. When it comes to actually seeing each other I've noticed unless we plan it in advance it doesn't happen, why not get your diary out and call up a handful of your friends and make some plans coming up? You'll feel good knowing it's in the diary. We usually plan stuff weeks in advance (coffee shop, out for lunch, a spa morning, taking the kids to soft play, a concert). If the issue here is that you are craving going back to spending the whole weekend drinking or smoking and playing video games like a guy without a family that's a whole other issue. I don't mean to be sexist but I've noticed that guys seem to have a much harder time staying in touch and hanging out than the women I know, probably because the guys only go outta their way to meet up if they're going to an event or activity whereas we women meet up purely for the enjoyment of conversation over a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysgreener Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) Well I do take the blame, maybe it was sort of a pity rant. The day actually turned out okay, I just woke up in a funk as the weekend had not turned out like I wish, partly due to not planning anything. And it's been a while since I got to hang out with friends and I felt way overdue for that break. Add that with the fact that it seems like my weekends always get planned for me. And granted, a guys night out would've been fine, but it could've been our families getting together as well so it wasn't even necessarily wanting to ditch the kids and lady. To answer your question about guys vs girls, if I had to speculate just based on me and my fiance, I would say that I tend to be more last minute with planning and clearly that doesn't work with a family as well. When my fiance does something with her friends, it was usually planned out a week or two prior. And maybe this belongs in the "rant" section but hey I was thinking since was kind of ultimately a relationship side effect might as well put it here. Edited May 31, 2016 by alwaysgreener Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts