my fiance's mom is making my life a living hell

[sweetmind20]

hi,

 

i could really use some words of advice or an opinion on a matter that has gotten out of control.

i have been with my fiance for the past three years, and the first two and a half years, i got along easily with his mother. that was until we let her move in with us temporarily until she got back on her feet.

 

when she moved in, she began revealing traits that are unmanageable. she would go through our things in the room and throw out my products and paperwork. if i ran a bath, she would turn it off if she felt it was not to her liking. she mooched off my bf and said that she needed him to take care of her until she got her settlement money from divorcing his dad. she began telling him that since his father didn't love her, that now he had to take care of her. she took so much of our money and continued to say that she would pay us back when she got her money. in the meantime, she bought herself a gym membership, salon/tanning weekly, new dvd's every week, and went to the movies twice or more a week.

 

so now she has her money from the settlement, and my bf and i are about to move out and get our own place. she has gone nuts in the process and has been increasingly clingy towards my bf.

 

this is where her making my life a living hell comes in. she told my bf that if i were not in the picture, he wouldn't be moving out and leaving her alone. she told me recently that she can't stand me and that she believes i'm with her son for his money. she is purposely trying to drive me away, and i dont know how much more i can take of this. she has logged into my e-mail and messenger and pretended to be me to various people i know. and she told my bf that i'm cheating on him with a male friend of mine.

 

i try to tell my bf that she needs to stay out of our personal life but when he comes face to face with her, she begins to cry and says she is only trying to protect him from me.

 

i just don't know what to do. my bf won't stand up to her and put her in her place because she is his mom. i know that i can't rightfully tell him to not have a relationship with her, but she is hurting our relationship very much. and i'm afraid my bf is going to end up resenting the fact that he's torn between the two women he loves the most.

 

am i just doomed at this point?

[jade_nc]

but, man was i there a looong time ago. it didn't work out for me.

 

your fiance should not have to choose between you and his mother. that's a horrible position to be put in. so don't force him to choose.

 

Do tell him that YOU do not want to be around her because of the pressure it puts you under.

 

Do tell him that while you understand the importance of a mom/son relationship - your relationship as h/w will need to be put first.......and that means he does have to recognize her negative behavior and stand up to her about his relationship with you.

 

You can't be the one that does this - it won't mean anything coming from you. He has to set the boundaries with her, and he has to do it in a very specific manner.