Why would some girls do this?

[iphone_user1]

I've noticed that some of my female friends on Facebook start posting more and uploading more selfies than the usual after breaking up with their partner. It's like they're trying to show they are not affected by the break up or what? Is this some immature bs? or is this something normal? What can we say about a girl acting like this?

 

Another case: Let's say you just started to date someone. Then you don't talk to that girl for 2 days because you are not much into texting and suddenly she starts to lose control by changing her status several times and posting sexy pictures to get your attention and get you to talk to her. And when you talk to her, she comes up saying things like you don't care anymore, that you are fading away or that she thaught you didn't wanna talk to her anymore. What's up wih a girl acting like this?

[VeveCakes]

There was a similar thread last week.

 

It's not just girls who do this.

 

Could be any reason. For attention, to heal, to make someone jealous.... why do you care?

[iphone_user1]

There was a similar thread last week.

 

It's not just girls who do this.

 

Could be any reason. For attention, to heal, to make someone jealous.... why do you care?

 

Just curiosity because I've seen it many times.

[VeveCakes]

Well you just said you don't talk to her for 2 days and she asks you why you are fading. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Try not playing games with contact and you won't get that reaction.

 

The only people who know why they post that stuff is them. I wouldn't look for a different meaning. People always assume FB posts are about them. The world does not revolve around one person.

[GR4]

Facebook is, for the most part, about attention in general for most people.

[Emilia]

It's called being young and insecure

[iphone_user1]

Well you just said you don't talk to her for 2 days and she asks you why you are fading. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Try not playing games with contact and you won't get that reaction.

 

No, I hate playing games! I'm really not much into texting and I got that reaction a couple of times in the past. It's funny because after that I started talking to them everyday, the relationship began to stumble and 2 months later they dumped me LOL

[Jabron1]

Attention, validation, and/or an intent to evoke jealousy.

[carhill]

Expression of their individuality. How do you react to that expression, OP?

[iphone_user1]

Expression of their individuality. How do you react to that expression, OP?

 

Never had an ex done that after a break up, but probably I'd go like "what the hell?"

[loveweary11]

There was a similar thread last week.

 

It's not just girls who do this.

 

Could be any reason. For attention, to heal, to make someone jealous.... why do you care?

 

 

 

Definitely not just girls.

 

I did the same after my divorce. Helps you build back your self confidence after it's been destroyed by the breakup.

 

Perfectly normal.

[carhill]

Never had an ex done that after a break up, but probably I'd go like "what the hell?"

That's your answer. Remember it. There will be a test later

 

Seriously, life is imperfect and we get hit with all kinds of stuff. It's how we handle it which defines us.

[Jabron1]

Definitely not just girls.

 

I did the same after my divorce. Helps you build back your self confidence after it's been destroyed by the breakup.

 

Perfectly normal.

 

Not for a man it isn't.

 

Using social media for attention seeking, outside validation, or causing jealousy are feminine behaviors.

 

Men build confidence through achievement.

[basil67]

Fake it till you make it! She's putting on a strong, confident front and trying to get her mind to follow. It works

[loveweary11]

Not for a man it isn't.

 

Using social media for attention seeking, outside validation, or causing jealousy are feminine behaviors.

 

Men build confidence through achievement.

 

Maybe ugly or fat guys only have "achievement"...

 

 

I'm going to have the same amount of money/success anyway. Having piles of girls in their early 20's fawning over you after a divorce helps you build your worth as an attractive man, when you aren't so sure due to having been divorced.

 

PS: I already had "achievement", so... zero additional confidence about my appearance would come from materialistic bs like a shiny new car or w.e. That sounds like a typical male mid life crisis, actually.

Edited February 11, 2016 by loveweary11

[losangelena]

Not for a man it isn't.

 

Using social media for attention seeking, outside validation, or causing jealousy are feminine behaviors.

 

Men build confidence through achievement.

 

Oh, lordy.

 

Please at least tell me you think women can build confidence through achievement, too. Otherwise this is one gender binary that I cannot get behind.

[Jabron1]

Maybe ugly or fat guys only have "achievement"...

 

Nope, I'm ripped, and I don't need idiots on Facebook telling me that.

 

Needing people to tell you that you're pretty is not a manly trait. It's attention wh*ring or narcissistic supply. It's what my ex did when I broke up with her.

 

You even said it yourself: you had very low self-esteem. Taking your self-esteem from others is cheap confidence. You are lacking some inner-strength. I repeat, this is not masculine.

 

The general achievement was in being disciplined and getting in good shape. That's what I get confidence from. And knowing that I can apply that same focus to anything else I want. That's powerful. Much more so than 50 plonkers liking a picture.

 

Having piles of girls in their early 20's fawning over you after a divorce helps you build your worth as an attractive man, when you aren't so sure due to having been divorced.

 

It's short sighted. All it'll take is for a woman to dump you or reject you, and you'll be back on Facebook attention wh*ring again. Never base your self-esteem on women - ever.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Jabron1

[Jabron1]

Oh, lordy.

 

Please at least tell me you think women can build confidence through achievement, too. Otherwise this is one gender binary that I cannot get behind.

 

Of course. But women need far more validation of their physical worth than men do.

 

This is why your man will compliment your looks much more than you complimenting his. It's why men do the approaching. It's why women wear make-up. And, it's why men aren't attracted to a woman's capabilities as a provider.

 

Would you want to go out with a guy that needed constant reassurance that you find him attractive?

Edited February 12, 2016 by Jabron1

[dreamingoftigers]

Of course. But women need far more validation of their physical worth than men do.

 

This is why your man will compliment your looks much more than you complimenting his. It's why men do the approaching. It's why women wear make-up. And, it's why men aren't attracted to a woman's capabilities as a provider.

 

Would you want to go out with a guy that needed constant reassurance that you find him attractive?

 

Enh. Pigeon-holed.

 

I compliment my husband more about his looks than he ever returns it. LMAO. I often joke with him that he must feel like an "objectified piece of meat." I don't think he minds.

[losangelena]

Of course. But women need far more validation of their physical worth than men do.

 

This is why your man will compliment your looks much more than you complimenting his. It's why men do the approaching. It's why women wear make-up. And, it's why men aren't attracted to a woman's capabilities as a provider.

 

Would you want to go out with a guy that needed constant reassurance that you find him attractive?

 

No, of course not, that would be utterly annoying. However, I think a woman's desire for validation on her looks is more of a societal construct than a biological one. If a girl is taught from a young age that what she looks like is most important, then she will go through life with that mindset.

 

Don't get me wrong, I understand why women do it, I'm just not sure I agree that one is inherently female versus inherently male. I mean, when my ex broke up with me, I deactivated my FB account; the last thing I was out for was a shot of feelgood about my physical appearance. That impulse, whether it's coming from a woman or a man, seems to me like insecurity. It's something I wish all genders would step away from.

[jen1447]

This is why your man will compliment your looks much more than you complimenting his. It's why men do the approaching. It's why women wear make-up. And, it's why men aren't attracted to a woman's capabilities as a provider.

 

Men don't do all the approaching and some men do asses women's capabilities as providers.

 

I get the angle you're trying for here but I do thing you're approaching it a little cookie-cutter-ish. The world is made up of individuals, not gender prototypes.

[loveweary11]

Nope, I'm ripped, and I don't need idiots on Facebook telling me that.

 

Needing people to tell you that you're pretty is not a manly trait. It's attention wh*ring or narcissistic supply. It's what my ex did when I broke up with her.

 

You even said it yourself: you had very low self-esteem. Taking your self-esteem from others is cheap confidence. You are lacking some inner-strength. I repeat, this is not masculine.

 

The general achievement was in being disciplined and getting in good shape. That's what I get confidence from. And knowing that I can apply that same focus to anything else I want. That's powerful. Much more so than 50 plonkers liking a picture.

 

 

 

It's short sighted. All it'll take is for a woman to dump you or reject you, and you'll be back on Facebook attention wh*ring again. Never base your self-esteem on women - ever.

 

 

 

Get married. Wait 12 years, get old.

 

Get dumped back into the single life at nealy 40. You haven't been to a bar or talked to another girl in 12 years. You don't know anything about current events.

 

You're already in shape and have fair net worth.

 

Let's talk about how your confidence in getting women feels then.

Note, I'm about as cocky as you are in general. Brimming with confidence.

I wasn't sure about my ability to land girls at that moment in my life.

 

Also, you misunderstood. I f*cked all the 20 year old plonkers i met, didn't count likes on a picture. I also don't have a Facebook account. You're confused.

 

So you base your self esteem off the gym. How is that any different?

 

You're no different than me. Pretty identical actually, minus the career/$$$ stuff.

Edited February 12, 2016 by loveweary11

[Jabron1]

minus the career/$$$ stuff.

 

I'm not made of money. I work part-time, mostly for a charity that deals with the disabled.

 

I realised by my early 20's that I value my leisure far more than my career. Time is money; I value my time above all else. I earn enough to live an independent lifestyle - my life, lived on my terms (as far as possible). I don't give a damn for trophies; they don't distract me from doing the things that I really love.

 

I work to live, not live to work.

 

Now, to address achievement:

 

I f*cked all the 20 year old plonkers i met

 

It's unlikely that you'll hear me boast about women. However, you have persisted, so I will go there.

 

My ex-girlfriend was 22, Polish, and sexy enough to make your eyes pop out of your head - like in the cartoons. She was out of my league, looks wise. Everyone wanted her; I got her. Yet, I gain no confidence from having gone out with her, none: it's been and gone. Sometimes I choose to go up to six months without dating anyone, despite temptation. Sometimes I go through a rejection grind (as does any guy with a high notch-count), and that doesn't knock my confidence either; I often see the funny side.

 

You shouldn't need women; you should want them. They should be optional. They should add value to your life.

 

If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy.

 

So you base your self esteem off the gym. How is that any different?

 

Getting in shape is, again, not what I derive my self-esteem from. In the past 5 or 6 years I've:

 

- Gained a black belt in Judo, and a blue belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

- Learnt to play the guitar classically to a grade 6 standard

- Read the complete works of Shakespeare and watched every play, either live or on the excellent BBC complete box-set

- Taken courses to improve my education (hopefully evident in my use of grammar here)

 

I did these things for nobody other than myself. Not to impress women, not to make other people happy, but to please myself.

 

The self-esteem comes from the achievement itself. Getting in shape is great, but it's the focus that is powerful. If you got in shape merely to impress women, you did it from a weak place within your psyche. There is a part of you that is weak and exploitable: address this.

 

It's hard to define, but self-esteem is a sense of self, of inner-strength. You're just not going to find it in other people. If I think my style, or body, or whatever else is good, I don't give a flying f*ck what women or men think. My reality is paramount to me.

 

I might have been vague. I don't usually describe such abstract concepts. I simply get on with it.

 

Believe it or not, i'm trying to help you. I may come across as harsh sometimes, but men aren't helped by people patting their head and kissing their backside.

 

If your answer to a woman destroying your confidence is to find confidence in yet more women, you're doomed.

Hence, I'll repeat the mantra:

Never base your self-esteem on women - ever.