Lola2609 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Not sure if this is the right place to post. So I apologize in advance. I met a guy on a vacation and we have been in touch since then. He offered to come and visit me but I declained due to my busy schedule. Now, I finally decided to visit him and I am kind of going out of my way to do so. I will have to skip one day of school and also my financial situation isnt great (he lives on west and I live on the east coast. I prefer to visit him to him.) I asked where to stay and he offered a bedroom in his house. He lives with his brother and sister in law. I told him I would prefer a hotel and he finally agreed and told me he will let me know what the best hotels are in the area. Problem is: I couldnt help but feel little annoyed that he didnt offer to pay or split the hotel expenses. I am a student and he has a full-time well-paid job. The flight ticket is also expensive Do I expect too much? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Yes you expect too much. He offered to come to you, presumably solely at his expense. You turned that down. You volunteered to go to him. Therefore your trip & your hotel accommodations are on you. If you wanted him to pay you should have let him come to you. Check out sites like Priceline & hotwire.com to get deals. Consider airbnb to cut your costs. Don't go if you really can't afford it but don't expect that he has any obligation to fly you across the country & pay for it. That is an entitled unattractive attitude. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Last person I visited under similar circumstances I offered to get hotel rooms for both of us (we were going to be on the road after I flew in) and she ended up getting us a cabin. However, I still offered and actually made the hotel reservations and then cancelled them after she talked me into the cabin thing. IMO, if choosing to visit, and I've done this plenty, even overseas in other countries, the person visiting is responsible for getting there and staying there. The man offered to share accommodations and I can understand your concern about doing so. In nearly every locale, even the big cities like LA/SF/Portland/Seattle, inexpensive accommodations can be found. I actually prefer that since things can go sideways with a stranger at any time and it's nice to have a base of operations to turn a bad situation into a mere inconvenience and go out and have an adventure instead. If you're a student on a student budget, check out the student hostels and couch surfing sites for options. Where there's a will, there's a way. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's debatable. He offered to spend the money to visit you first (odds are you weren't going to split the cost of that with him, were you?), but you'd rather visit him. Then he offered you a room in his house, and you declined. Sounds like he's already tried hard to defray the expenses from you, you just didn't accept. If he lives with his brother and sister in law, he's probably not making much money anyways. He gave you a lot of chances to save money, you didn't want to take them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Oh, in support of him 'helping', there was a time when a lady I had dated in the FSU happened to be in-country in Minnesota and I offered to fly her out to the west coast and go camping with the lady who later became my wife and myself over one holiday season. Since I offered, I paid for her plane ticket; also, I knew the local economy and, even though she was studying here, she was on a student budget and Ukraine was relatively poor in general back then so that figured into my response. Also, she had been quite generous with her hospitality during the period I dated her. These things usually have a way of working themselves out. If things don't flow, they don't go. No harm no foul just how life works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thanks guys. Seems like most of you think he offered enough. I am ok with paying for the hotel, I just dont like cheap, inconsiderate people. He kind of offered his room and then he said "if you decide to go downtown, I will take care of a hotel, you just need a plane ticket." But when I said I would prefer to stay at the hotel the whole trip, he just said "fine, I will let you know where to book a hotel." That came as a surprise after he mentioned paying for the hotel (I guess he meant only if I want to stay a night or two in downtown). Link to post Share on other sites
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