What do I do? I'm 26 years old & ive been talking to a 17 year old female

[j2415]

What do I do? I'm 26 years old & ive been talking to a 17 year old female. I've told her that I think she's attractive, met her while I was working at my local football stadium. Nothing sexual has happened & will never happen but she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking. she was sending me inappropriate photos over Snapchat and I told her to stop as I felt uncomfortable. I continued to speak to her with NO sexual feelings happening I may have told her when she sent me a snapchat that she has a lovely chest (no nipples and not topless photo) which I didn't ask for. She's saying that I am now in fact bullying her where I work but I thought we were having a laugh & that I apologise for making her feel like that and I swore on my sons life I wouldn't do that again... I've now blocked her on everything and she hasn't got my number that I'm aware of but she's saying she's going to tell her father about what we have been talking about. I'm worried that I'm going to loose my job over this & my son if my ex finds out,

 

 

Any suggestions on what I should do?

[lollipopspot]

she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking... She's saying that I am now in fact bullying her where I work but I thought we were having a laugh & that I apologise for making her feel like that and I swore on my sons life I wouldn't do that again...

 

This story is confusing to me. What exactly happened that caused this? Don't sugar coat it, let's hear it and then we might help to be able to judge whether she's overreacting to something or you did something that could get you in trouble.

[carhill]

Stop talking to her, via any means, back-up all her communications with you to a safe place, focus on your son and your job and move on.

[j2415]

This story is confusing to me. What exactly happened that caused this? Don't sugar coat it, let's hear it and then we might help to be able to judge whether she's overreacting to something or you did something that could get you in trouble.

 

Basically she sent a broadcast snap chat earlier saying "pop up I'm bored" so I put "same" she replied "don't be blunt with me" then it all went off on one from there, she's accusing me off bullying her but also trying to have sex with her which I haven't done at all, she sent me a snapchat of her topless but no boobs were on display but she kept trying to aim the camera down towards them I told her to stop as it was inappropriate so she did then she started leading me on so to speak :/ kept saying about meeting up outside my place off work and hanging out which I said no to, and now she's going to report me to my place off work & the police for checking her out & basically being a pervert :/

[Stage5Clinger]

What do I do? I'm 26 years old & ive been talking to a 17 year old female. I've told her that I think she's attractive, met her while I was working at my local football stadium. Nothing sexual has happened & will never happen but she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking. she was sending me inappropriate photos over Snapchat and I told her to stop as I felt uncomfortable. I continued to speak to her with NO sexual feelings happening I may have told her when she sent me a snapchat that she has a lovely chest (no nipples and not topless photo) which I didn't ask for. She's saying that I am now in fact bullying her where I work but I thought we were having a laugh & that I apologise for making her feel like that and I swore on my sons life I wouldn't do that again... I've now blocked her on everything and she hasn't got my number that I'm aware of but she's saying she's going to tell her father about what we have been talking about. I'm worried that I'm going to loose my job over this & my son if my ex finds out,

 

 

Any suggestions on what I should do?

 

 

What the hell happened between having fun and I'm going to tell your work you're a perv?

[alphamale]

Any suggestions on what I should do?

be careful this may be chris Hansen and dateline NBC

[central]

If you've truly done nothing wrong, go to HR and file a sexual harassment suit, give them copies of any evidence you have, and let them deal with it. You may want to get a lawyer to do this for you, to be sure you've covered all the bases and protected yourself. There is extreme bias in the legal system, and unless you have a really solid defense, the accusations alone can cause you a world of hurt.

Edited October 4, 2015 by central

[JustGettingBy]

If you've truly done nothing wrong, go to HR and file a sexual harassment suit, give them copies of any evidence you have, and let them deal with it. You may want to get a lawyer to do this for you, to be sure you've covered all the bases and protected yourself. There is extreme bias in the legal system, and unless you have a really solid defense, the accusations alone can cause you a world of hurt.

 

This. Then block her.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

What do I do? I'm 26 years old & ive been talking to a 17 year old female.

 

 

First of all, WHAT STATE (or country) are you in???

 

 

The age of consent is SIXteen in 'most' U.S. states.

[RedRobin]

If you've truly done nothing wrong, go to HR and file a sexual harassment suit, give them copies of any evidence you have, and let them deal with it. You may want to get a lawyer to do this for you, to be sure you've covered all the bases and protected yourself. There is extreme bias in the legal system, and unless you have a really solid defense, the accusations alone can cause you a world of hurt.

 

 

I second this.

 

 

I have a male friend who was stalked and harrassed by a woman who made up all kinds of false charges when he refused to go out with her. If I hadn't seen the conversations myself, and saw what he did to try and avoid her, I probably wouldn't believe it myself.

 

 

As for the whole 'age of consent' thing... I know some sicko ex co-worker of mine. 40 something guy was trying to hook up with someone who claimed to be 18 (according to him). He didn't think it was so much fun when the police showed up at the hotel. She was two days short of 18. Oopsie! Off she went with the police. No, he didn't get charged with anything, but he didn't get to keep his job, cause hey, they have this thing called 'at will employment' doncha know. You can get fired for just about anything... then make you get an attorney if you wanna fight it.

 

 

So yea, stay away from the 17 year olds if you don't want this kind of hassle.

[jmiller1991]

I can "read between the lines" here as I was in a similar situation, but from the opposite POV, when I was 16. So from direct experience I can get the gist of what's going on here, and I think we both know it's a bit different than you are portraying it.

 

Let's review your post, keeping in mind that you are a 26 yo man and she a 17 yo girl.

 

Right from the beginning: "I've told her that I think she's attractive..."

 

This is a red flag. You are making it sound like this girl just started spontaneously sending you suggestive pictures of herself, but obviously that is not the case, as I suspected. You first were showering her with inappropriate compliments, which they clearly are considering the age difference. No surprise that a young girl might respond in such a way.

 

Then this: "...but she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking"

 

Talking about what?! The weather? You cannot get in trouble for just "talking". Obviously this girl has something on you, and you both know it. You have been "talking" all right, talking about inappropriate things that you should not be saying to a 17 yr old girl. If you are afraid of her telling on you for "talking" stuff, then obviously it must have been sexually suggestive stuff, which was really stupid on your part.

 

"I may have told her when she sent me a snapchat that she has a lovely chest..."

 

Well, did you or didn't you? Obviously you're being a bit defensive here, and anyone with half a brain would know why. You responded to her immature actions (although not as immature as your actions considering your age) by engaging in sexual innuendo and directly complimenting her breasts. Do I have to elaborate here on why it might be inappropriate for a 27yo man to say that to a 17yo girl? Even if SHE sent them without request?

 

"she's going to tell her father about what we have been talking about."

 

Again, red flag. Obviously you are not being completely forthright with us about all the "talk" that has been going on. But the biggest red flag of all is: how in the world did she get your number in the first place, to send you those pics? Forgot to explain that one, didn't ya?

 

Again, I think I get the gist of what's going on here, based on my own experiences. A young girl developes a crush on an older guy, who flirted with her and led her on to the point of exchanging phone numbers, at her high school football game. Infatuated, she sends some sexy pics of herself, probably fantasizing about some kind of future "relationship". The guy responds a bit too directly for her young ears, says inappropriate things, which helps her to realize the danger of what she is doing, and how wrong it is. She ceases, but then, upon thinking about the whole situation, feels violated (as she should in such a situation), begins thinking of you as she should (possible sexual predator), and then begins wondering if she should tell on you.

 

What do you think? Did I get it about right?

 

Look, even tho this kind of thing disgusts me, I'm not going to judge you. I understand we're all human, and we all make mistakes. So I'll give you the only good advice I know. Eliminate all evidence of any contact with her, apologize to her, and cross your fingers. And most importantly, don't even think about doing anything like this again. If you're lucky, you will not get what you deserve in this case, and you can put it behind you. But if not, I for one will not feel sorry for you, it will be a good lesson learned. And don't think that your life won't be ruined, it will. The courts will come down hard on you for what can legally be considered 'child porn', depending on the nature of the pictures. After I reported my harasser, they found the pictures he was taking of me and he did 3 years for it, not to mention having to register as a sex offender for 10 years! So this is not a joke!

Edited October 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

^^ I think you got this guy's number...

 

 

However, it does take two to tango. Did no one tell this 17 year old who is one year shy of being an adult that it isn't wise to send suggestive pics online?

 

 

How about you? I know for sure I wasn't doing anything that idiotic when I was 17. No way in hell would I be knowingly chatting with a 26 year old... for a 'someday relationship'. What the *(*&^?!

 

 

Maybe she SHOULD tell her dad (which she won't because then he'd probably take that stupid phone away along with the computer... which he should, if she doesn't know how to use it responsibly).

 

 

All things considered, the 26 year old should know better though. and it would be a real yucky lesson to learn the hard way.

[j2415]

Everything I've said above is the truth, I'm not being defensive she added me on social media I don't work with her Im going to inform my employee's today before she twists anything

Edited October 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[hellohellohello]

However, it does take two to tango. Did no one tell this 17 year old who is one year shy of being an adult that it isn't wise to send suggestive pics online?

 

Based on what the OP has written, the problem doesn't seem to be that she has regrets about sending suggestive pics online, it's that at some point OP made her uncomfortable to the point that she'd consider him a pervert. Did she even know from the beginning OP is 26? Since we're only hearing from OP, we'll never know the answer.

 

How about you? I know for sure I wasn't doing anything that idiotic when I was 17. No way in hell would I be knowingly chatting with a 26 year old... for a 'someday relationship'. What the *(*&^?!

Well, actually, at 18 I knowingly chatted with a 24 year old for a "someday relationship." I agree now that a 24 year old should have no business flirting with an 18 year old, but at the time, since I was a supposed adult, and because everyone was always going on and on about how girls are more mature than guys anyway, I didn't see a problem with that. There's nothing particularly idiotic about this, a lot of people won't blink an eye when they know about a relationship with similar age differences--provided the younger party is a girl, that is.

 

Maybe she SHOULD tell her dad (which she won't because then he'd probably take that stupid phone away along with the computer... which he should, if she doesn't know how to use it responsibly).

If the dad's first response to the situation is to take her away her phone/computer instead of going after a predator who had made his daughter uncomfortable, then someone should take away his privilege as a dad. It's one thing if OP were a teenage friend and the dad caught them doing something he'd specifically told them not to do under his roof, but the problem is there seems to be something OP did that just went too far.

 

OP's story has so many holes we don't know, as one poster put it, what the hell happened between having fun and I'm going to tell your work you're a perv. You choose to blame the girl why, because you have issues with sexting and you think the people doing it are stupid? Because your one friend was harassed by a woman and you're unable to separate that situation from a completely different situation involving different people? OP's own choices of words didn't raise a red flag for you?

 

Nothing sexual has happened & will never happen but she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking

 

This denial feels out of nowhere to me, sounds like something was going to happen.

 

she was sending me inappropriate photos

 

The word "inappropriate" was designed to portray him as the victim here, no way was he enjoying those pictures, right?

 

I may have told her when she sent me a snapchat that she has a lovely chest (no nipples and not topless photo) which I didn't ask for.

 

I "may have told her"? It's either he did or he didn't. Guy couldn't even take responsibility for this, who knows what else he's not taking responsibility for. Oh, and complimenting a girl's chest when it's been clarified that there's no nipples and it's not a topless photo sounds pretty pervy to me.

 

but I thought we were having a laugh & that I apologise for making her feel like that and I swore on my sons life I wouldn't do that again...

 

Saying "just kidding" doesn't excuse something inappropriate/disgusting you did, especially if it reaches the point where the other person feels bullied. By OP's own admission he was in the wrong, and he omitted details that led to him choosing to block her. People's antennas didn't go up... why?

Edited October 5, 2015 by hellohellohello

[ManyDissapoint]

In the village I live I tried to date one of the only eligible women around here. She was 25. After a few dates her younger sister tried to invite herself over to my house. She's only 15! I told her "Forget about it" and never responded to her again. More scary than the law is the fact that her father might hunt you down, and a teenage girl will say any lie to save face.

 

Think with the correct head. Tell her to leave you alone, you want nothing to do with her, and you will not be talking with her again. Make sure you have that on record and then leave it ALONE.

[RedRobin]

Based on what the OP has written, the problem doesn't seem to be that she has regrets about sending suggestive pics online, it's that at some point OP made her uncomfortable to the point that she'd consider him a pervert. Did she even know from the beginning OP is 26? Since we're only hearing from OP, we'll never know the answer.

 

Well, actually, at 18 I knowingly chatted with a 24 year old for a "someday relationship." I agree now that a 24 year old should have no business flirting with an 18 year old, but at the time, since I was a supposed adult, and because everyone was always going on and on about how girls are more mature than guys anyway, I didn't see a problem with that. There's nothing particularly idiotic about this, a lot of people won't blink an eye when they know about a relationship with similar age differences--provided the younger party is a girl, that is.

 

If the dad's first response to the situation is to take her away her phone/computer instead of going after a predator who had made his daughter uncomfortable, then someone should take away his privilege as a dad. It's one thing if OP were a teenage friend and the dad caught them doing something he'd specifically told them not to do under his roof, but the problem is there seems to be something OP did that just went too far.

 

OP's story has so many holes we don't know, as one poster put it, what the hell happened between having fun and I'm going to tell your work you're a perv. You choose to blame the girl why, because you have issues with sexting and you think the people doing it are stupid? Because your one friend was harassed by a woman and you're unable to separate that situation from a completely different situation involving different people? OP's own choices of words didn't raise a red flag for you?

 

Nothing sexual has happened & will never happen but she's threatening to tell my place of work & the police that we've been talking

 

This denial feels out of nowhere to me, sounds like something was going to happen.

 

she was sending me inappropriate photos

 

The word "inappropriate" was designed to portray him as the victim here, no way was he enjoying those pictures, right?

 

I may have told her when she sent me a snapchat that she has a lovely chest (no nipples and not topless photo) which I didn't ask for.

 

I "may have told her"? It's either he did or he didn't. Guy couldn't even take responsibility for this, who knows what else he's not taking responsibility for. Oh, and complimenting a girl's chest when it's been clarified that there's no nipples and it's not a topless photo sounds pretty pervy to me.

 

but I thought we were having a laugh & that I apologise for making her feel like that and I swore on my sons life I wouldn't do that again...

 

Saying "just kidding" doesn't excuse something inappropriate/disgusting you did, especially if it reaches the point where the other person feels bullied. By OP's own admission he was in the wrong, and he omitted details that led to him choosing to block her. People's antennas didn't go up... why?

 

You raise some good points. However, I also work with a lot of people close to the young ladies age, and I know very well how a lot of them can awfulize all kinds of things.

 

You have a big hole in your logic too. The sexting amongst teenagers IS a problem for exactly the reason you state. NWIH would my parents be putting up with that. And if I did do that, my parents would also be telling me 'oh, what the hell did you think would happen?' My parents very much drilled into us the idea of personal responsibility.

 

That said, the OP has no business messing with a 17 year old. I guess this will teach him a lesson.

[jmiller1991]

Everything I've said above is the truth, I'm not being defensive she added me on social media I don't work with her Im going to inform my employee's today before she twists anything

 

Umm, I can only hope you are jesting. You are going to tell your employees about this?! Trust me, image is everything. A 17 yo sending you pictures like that is going to make you, a 9 yr older adult, look like a PEDOPHILE, no matter how much you try to spin it. Don't do it, trust me.

 

Just sweep it under the rug, beg her not to tell, and chalk it up to a temporary period of insanity. I still can't believe you did this with a 17 yo.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Umm, I can only hope you are jesting. You are going to tell your employees about this?! Trust me, image is everything. A 17 yo sending you pictures like that is going to make you, a 9 yr older adult, look like a PEDOPHILE, no matter how much you try to spin it. Don't do it, trust me.

 

Just sweep it under the rug, beg her not to tell, and chalk it up to a temporary period of insanity. I still can't believe you did this with a 17 yo.

 

 

 

LOL - Jmiller, you clearly have NO idea what a pedophile IS !!

 

 

Most American seventeen-year-olds are entirely legal for sex with adults of any age. (the only restriction on some being that the older person can't be in a position of authority over the 17yo)

 

This story has exactly nothing to do with pedophilia.

[jmiller1991]

LOL - Jmiller, you clearly have NO idea what a pedophile IS !!

 

 

Most American seventeen-year-olds are entirely legal for sex with adults of any age. (the only restriction on some being that the older person can't be in a position of authority over the 17yo)

 

This story has exactly nothing to do with pedophilia.

 

A 26 yr old man who desires sexual relations with a 17 yo girl is not a pedophile? Really?!?!?!

 

Sure, technically it may be "legal", although not in all states, but I would think that any civilized normal person would be disgusted by 26 yo adult male courting a 17 yo child. Sorry, but that is just SICK, and any guy who would want sex with a teenage girl 9 years younger definitely needs professional help. Legal or not.

 

To me, bringing up the technical legalities is irrelevant and makes me wonder about your motives. Pedophiles are experts at "getting around" the law, and your post is an suggestion and encouragement to do so. It SHOULD be illegal for a 26 yo old to make sexual advances to a girl who is still in high school and a legal minor, even if it isn't, and yes, such a person is a PEDOPHILE, legal definition or not.

 

Your reply makes me wonder why you brought it up. Almost as if you have thought about doing this yourself, and have researched the law, just in case, in order to protect yourself. I'm sort of kidding, but it really does make me wonder.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

A 26 yr old man who desires sexual relations with a 17 yo girl is not a pedophile? Really?!?!?!

 

Sure, technically it may be "legal", although not in all states, but I would think that any civilized normal person would be disgusted by 26 yo adult male courting a 17 yo child. Sorry, but that is just SICK, and any guy who would want sex with a teenage girl 9 years younger definitely needs professional help. Legal or not.

 

To me, bringing up the technical legalities is irrelevant and makes me wonder about your motives. Pedophiles are experts at "getting around" the law, and your post is an suggestion and encouragement to do so. It SHOULD be illegal for a 26 yo old to make sexual advances to a girl who is still in high school and a legal minor, even if it isn't, and yes, such a person is a PEDOPHILE, legal definition or not.

 

Your reply makes me wonder why you brought it up. Almost as if you have thought about doing this yourself, and have researched the law, just in case, in order to protect yourself. I'm sort of kidding, but it really does make me wonder.

 

 

 

The term "pedophile" is completely unrelated to any of the subject in this thread.

 

Everyone else seems to know as much - aside from you.

 

 

You might want to acquaint yourself with a dictionary. There are several online.

 

 

 

... and just how does that personal opinion of your work when you tell the law enforcement people what "...should be..." (and shouldn't be ) illegal??

 

ROFL

[autumnnight]

The term "pedophile" is completely unrelated to any of the subject in this thread.

 

Everyone else seems to know as much - aside from you.

 

 

You might want to acquaint yourself with a dictionary. There are several online.

 

 

 

... and just how does that personal opinion of your work when you tell the law enforcement people what "...should be..." (and shouldn't be ) illegal??

 

ROFL

 

 

You are right. In most states there is no legal problem with a 26 year old man having sex with a 17 year old girl.

 

Problem is, most normal people have a pretty strong ick reaction to it. If they were 27 and 36? No biggie.

 

But high school and 26...yeah, most typically functioning adults would hear alarm bells.

[Got it]

I would not tell HR. Unless you have broken a company policy, and since she doesn't work for the company I can't see how one is relevant, there is no reason to tell HR nor should it carry any weight if she does tell your company. It is something completely separate outside of work. It should not be a factor at all.

 

In regards to any criminal charges, if you have the texts to prove you are innocent and were telling no, then take that to the police and file a restraining order against her.

 

I do suspect that there is murkier waters here but if you had been saying no then move on that.

[thefooloftheyear]

How big is her dad/brother?......

 

 

TFY

[carhill]

Ha, ha, I recall my aunt, who had three big bruising German brothers, and a father at the time, telling me the story of the dashing Marine returning home from the Pacific Theater of battle and romancing her. He was 26, she was 16, the youngest of eleven. They got married when she was 18 and remained married until he died at 82, with a huge brood as evidence of their longevity. Heh, I'm guessing someone will argue women were more mature in the 1940's at age 16

 

Main difference is this guy apparently doesn't want anything to do with the young lady and is trying to move on in life, not marry her or have sex with her. He wants to be rid of her, or did I misunderstand?

[joseb]

First of all, WHAT STATE (or country) are you in???

 

The age of consent is SIXteen in 'most' U.S. states.

 

It's 16 in most countries, but I think a lot of us states are 18 (some may be 17)

 

OP. Where do you live?