Gloria25 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Just curious here... Is it more than likely if you start a RL in a certain way (ie a FWB, OW/OM) that it's not going to evolve into something better (i.e. "normal", trusting, committed RL) and/or you cuz started off on a bad foot, the RL won't survive (i.e. can they "trust" you if you were willing to be a OW/OM and participate in a cheating/deception...will they ever be able to respect you cuz you were willing to be a FWB)? I hate the movies...I mean, you see like "Pretty Woman", where Julia Roberts is a low class prostitute who richy Richard Gere hires to be like what he probably could have gotten better results in just hiring a high-class escort...and, despite them having sex after just meeting, her lack of social grace/class/manners...they fall in love and ride off into the sunset. That is freakin' far from reality as it's gonna get IMO, and sets women up for failure with silly expectations - like Disney movies do. So, any opinions, experiences, etc....about whether or not it's better to start off a RL the "right" way and on a good foot? Cuz, no coming back if you do otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 It's hard to say. It's not ideal but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. IMO the most important thing is strong initial chemistry. If it's "real" usually there's not much question about the situation. Example. My current GF and I talked on the phone for a week, kissed on the first date. Got physical and stayed the night together on second date. Had sex and agreed to be monogamous on third date. Made it official after a couple weeks. Moved in together after 4 months. No hesitation from either of us. People said we rushed things, which we did, but when it feels right there shouldn't be any question. I don't think it would have mattered if one of us was the OM/OW or anything like that, and FWB wouldn't have even been possible. We fell in love so hard and fast there was no doubt about the outcome. I will probably propose around the 1 year point and get married at the 2 year mark. If it's "real" there's not much use in trying to slow things down or control it. It just takes off like wildfire. Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You would think that under less than traditional circumstances it would be hard to trust and grow cohesively but then again who the F am I to say...my relationships would keep Dr Phil up at night Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 ^^^^same. lol Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 That is freakin' far from reality as it's gonna get IMO, and sets women up for failure with silly expectations - like Disney movies do. women set themselves up for failure with their unrealistic romantic idealism 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 women set themselves up for failure with their unrealistic romantic idealism Agreed. As do men who believe real-life sex should be just like porn-movie sex; both sexes are equally susceptible to Hollywood Magic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Agreed. As do men who believe real-life sex should be just like porn-movie sex; both sexes are equally susceptible to Hollywood Magic. Uh, there "is" sex in real life that is like the pornos... Unfortunately, sex in some movies is telling people how sex should be like. I saw this movie where Angelina Jolie was the wife of Matt Damon - a CIA guy and I think the movie was based on a real life story. Anywho, he got her preggo when at a party, in the bushes he just "mounts" her for barely a few minutes and IMO, that was the most horrible sex scene ever, but I think a lot of people have that sex in real life when porn can provide them with some ideas/instruction. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Agreed. As do men who believe real-life sex should be just like porn-movie sex; both sexes are equally susceptible to Hollywood Magic. It can be like the movies. I talk a lot of **** on LS about my relationship problems but in reality our relationship is so romantic and beautiful. It really was like a romantic movie the way we fell in love. (ok maybe it was more like True Romance than The Notebook) If you hold out for something amazing you can find it. Everyone settles for less because they have given up on finding true love. Hold on and hold out. Your perfect person is out there. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Uh, there "is" sex in real life that is like the pornos... Undoubtedly. Just as undoubtedly there is at least A story that is pretty damned closed to that told in Pretty Woman. However, I don't believe it's a good idea for all women to believe they, too, deserve a rich man who will spoil them nor that all men should believe they, too, deserve a woman who will perform multiple sex acts on him while dangling, upside-down by one leg from a chain bolted to the ceiling. For 90 minutes. "Hollywood Magic". We're all susceptible to it. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Undoubtedly. Just as undoubtedly there is at least A story that is pretty damned closed to that told in Pretty Woman. However, I don't believe it's a good idea for all hookers to believe they, too, deserve a rich man who will spoil them nor that all men should believe they, too, deserve a woman who will perform multiple sex acts on him while dangling, upside-down by one leg from a chain bolted to the ceiling. For 90 minutes. "Hollywood Magic". We're all susceptible to it. You just described my life. (I changed one word) Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You just described my life. (I changed one word) Oh. Are you complaining or bragging? If it's the former, then quit being so demanding/let her hang right-side up/unbolt the chain/shorten it from 90 minutes. If it's the latter, keep doin' what you're doin'! Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I've had some FWB. None of them ended up lasting in a RL. My GF now, I dated the right way. We're still together and having a blast. I broke my leg four weeks ago and she's been taking such good care of me. I wouldn't trust any woman I was in a relationship with prior to do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) So, any opinions, experiences, etc....about whether or not it's better to start off a RL the "right" way and on a good foot? Cuz, no coming back if you do otherwise? If you love a person enough, nothing else matters. Remember the teacher who went to jail for repeatedly having sex with her hs student. When she got out of jail they got married. I don't believe you can have a loving relationship by design. I think this entire notion of love by checklist is ludicrous on the face of it. If the love is there, it still takes work, but you can't design a successful relationship from scratch. I also wonder about meaning of " successful relationship" Were my three fantastic years with the woman of my dreams a successful relationship? By most standards, no. Yet they were the three best years of my life. I call that a tremendous success. I'll take that over 30 years of bland any time. Edited July 31, 2015 by Robert Z Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Just curious here... Is it more than likely if you start a RL in a certain way (ie a FWB, OW/OM) that it's not going to evolve into something better (i.e. "normal", trusting, committed RL) and/or you cuz started off on a bad foot, the RL won't survive (i.e. can they "trust" you if you were willing to be a OW/OM and participate in a cheating/deception...will they ever be able to respect you cuz you were willing to be a FWB)? I hate the movies...I mean, you see like "Pretty Woman", where Julia Roberts is a low class prostitute who richy Richard Gere hires to be like what he probably could have gotten better results in just hiring a high-class escort...and, despite them having sex after just meeting, her lack of social grace/class/manners...they fall in love and ride off into the sunset. That is freakin' far from reality as it's gonna get IMO, and sets women up for failure with silly expectations - like Disney movies do. So, any opinions, experiences, etc....about whether or not it's better to start off a RL the "right" way and on a good foot? Cuz, no coming back if you do otherwise? Well, Pretty Woman was, for sure, far from reality, but there is always some guy(s) who want to marry (yes I said marry) strippers and prostitutes. They get married all the time and it depends on the guy. Certain guys would never do such a thing in a million years and other guys would beg them to marry them. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I mentioned something about starting a relationship on the right foot in another thread. I probably ought to explain myself. As I've said before, I want four basic things in my relationships - mutual love, trust, respect and acceptance. Of course, there are other things I want and need but those four are basic. I've been in an affair once. I could not have a real relationship with that woman because: 1) The trust is not there. How can I trust her? If she would cheat on her husband with me, then she would cheat on me. 2) The respect is not there. After a while, I didn't respect her or myself. What we were doing disgusted me after a while. How do you start a relationship with a person you don't respect? 3) Acceptance. To me, in this case, acceptance goes hand-in-hand with respect. Though I was involved in it, it's hard for me to accept what we did. That feeling would bring distrust, suspicion and a lot of other negativity into the relationship. That's not the way to start a new relationship, in my opinion. That's why I think it's better to start a relationship without all of that negative baggage. If I really love and respect a woman, I can wait until she gets a divorce before starting a relationship with her. I know people have had successful relationships after less than perfect starts, but - after what I've been through - I'd rather avoid some negativity and start a relationship from a more positive place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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