Gloria25 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Ok, I guess there's a "first" for all of this in this world...we learn something new till the day we die... Anywho, looking at the definitions of "Platonic Relationships" Platonic | Define Platonic at Dictionary.com Pretty much, the definitions imply that two people can be in a loving, intimate, and/or romantic relationship without physical intimacy. I think that is garbage. How can you establish love and true intimacy with a person w/o sex? Sex "is" what changes a relationship between two people from non-intimate to intimate. Let's say I love my mom, does that mean I'm dating her? No, it's love, but not the same that happens between a man and a woman because I'm not intimate with her. I'm not having sex with her. So, I just am looking for personal experiences/opinions/stories on this topic. -Have you ever been in a real "Platonic" relationship? And when I mean "real" I mean NO intimacy. No kissing, touching, sex (oral, manual, anal, phone/text/video sex, mutual masturbation). -If you have been in this real "Platonic" RL, how long did it go on for? How old were you? Why/how did it happen? Were you and/or the other person involved with someone else? If you don't mind, could you also divulge what your races, genders and/or cultures are and/or if you had issues with intimacy, insecurities, etc? What I'm finding is people that are in "Platonic" situations are getting the physical sexual needs met - but not with the person they are being "Platonic" with....Like a married person who flirts with their co-worker; has friends besides their SO that they share/do things with one-on-one. So, to say that people can be in a Platonic RL to me is a lie. They aren't being intimate with their Platonic buddy cuz they simply like the attention, are not in "love", and definitely not having an "intimate" connection with their Platonic buddy cuz they are married and/or in a RL with someone else who/where they are getting their physical sexual needs met. I think people who seek Platonic RLs are simple attention hos. They are like flames who enjoy moths. They are quite selfish. They may also have intimacy and/or sexual hang ups. They do not love and/or have intimacy for/with their Platonic buddy...but like that flame, all they to do is sit back and enjoy how moths flutter to them w/o them giving anything back in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Sure. Some of us can have platonic relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I read the definitions in your link, and I think you've misinterpreted them. You do not seem to understand what "platonic" means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I have several platonic relationships. Most developed from work. We'd spend the weekdays together & maybe grab a drink after work. More often then not we have lunch. We talk about work at work & other stuff, including relationships out side of work. I have shared beach houses with some of them. (different bed rooms & lots of other people around but we would go to bars & eat other meals together) One thing, when we worked together we did not have outside communication -- calls texts etc about non work subjects One I shared a motel room with in separate beds. The only physical we ever shared beyond the occasional platonic hug on special occasions, was once we were walking down the street when I guy I had been trying to shake came toward us. I saw the unwelcome suitor 1st & grabbed my buddy's hand begging him to play at being my BF for a few minutes. We held hands for about 15 minutes & I introduced him to the other guy as my BF but that was it. He & I only ever danced together twice: once at his wedding & once at mine. The guy is a great friend but has never been anything more. He's been an terrific sounding board regarding my relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 So, are you saying that a parent cannot have an intimate relationship with their child because it's not sexual? If a parent-child relationship can be intimate and loving (although not romantic), then any other relationship can be platonic as well. Real friendship is intimate, but non-sexual. And I think two people can be romantically involved even if they are asexual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I am a 50+ year old woman who has a number of friends who have been in my life for 10, 20, and 30+ years. Many of them are men who have never been lovers (some are gay and some are not) but who know intimate details about me and are as close as we can be without having sex. I completely disagree with the sentiment that one cannot have platonic friends. These guys have seen me through several relationships. Because of our histories, these guys know more about me than my new husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 So, I just am looking for personal experiences/opinions/stories on this topic. -Have you ever been in a real "Platonic" relationship? And when I mean "real" I mean NO intimacy. No kissing, touching, sex (oral, manual, anal, phone/text/video sex, mutual masturbation).Yes, I had a female best friend for about ten years, roughly from about age 28-38. It would have met your criteria -If you have been in this real "Platonic" RL, how long did it go on for? How old were you? Why/how did it happen? Were you and/or the other person involved with someone else? If you don't mind, could you also divulge what your races, genders and/or cultures are and/or if you had issues with intimacy, insecurities, etc?We knew each other probably 12 years in total and the friendship, as evidenced by consistent communication and doing things together, lasted around 10. It happened because her parents happened to own the Chinese restaurant we often got takeout at and I came to know her over time. She was dating off and on and later had a boyfriend whom she married. She is ethnic Chinese and I'm Russian/Irish. Ages posted prior. We were the same age, roughly. I didn't note any obvious interpersonal issues. Probably the main difference between us was I was a virgin for a large part of the time and she wasn't. However, I still dated women and we remained friends when I had girlfriends, either non-sexual or sexual. What I'm finding is people that are in "Platonic" situations are getting the physical sexual needs met - but not with the person they are being "Platonic" with....Like a married person who flirts with their co-worker; has friends besides their SO that they share/do things with one-on-one. IME, mostly with MW's, I noted that they were, or were expressing, getting emotional desires for intimacy met by having a 'male friend' like myself. So, to say that people can be in a Platonic RL to me is a lie. They aren't being intimate with their Platonic buddy cuz they simply like the attention, are not in "love", and definitely not having an "intimate" connection with their Platonic buddy cuz they are married and/or in a RL with someone else who/where they are getting their physical sexual needs met. Sure, that's possible. I've seen the gamut. In our case, right around the time I met my now exW, her BF finally proposed after they were together over a decade and we lessened contact. I think people who seek Platonic RLs are simple attention hos. They are like flames who enjoy moths. They are quite selfish. They may also have intimacy and/or sexual hang ups. They do not love and/or have intimacy for/with their Platonic buddy...but like that flame, all they to do is sit back and enjoy how moths flutter to them w/o them giving anything back in return.Some can be, sure. Again, I've seen the gamut from healthy to abused to molested to raped to mentally ill to alcoholics. Everyone has their own unique mix. Myself, when I was friends with a woman without sexual interest, it was mainly due to shared interests and enjoying each others company as humans. I did note, however, that once I had my first sexual LTR, my interest in forming platonic friendships with women lessened. Perhaps that's instructive, since many/most men lose their virginity in their teens, hence there can be sexual overtones with nearly any woman except if he finds her completely unattractive sexually. Being outlier, perhaps those prior platonic interactions hard-wired enough potential into my brain that it's still a possibility, even with an attractive woman. My best friend, during the era we were friends, appeared as a doppleganger for Michelle Yeoh and I gotta admit, when she'd model new swimsuits she was interested in, she was pretty spectacular. The main difference was I could comment on that but not want to do the smash the bodies together sex stuff. She was like a sister to me. Hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I have had a platonic female friend for well over 20 years. I first met her when one night coming home from work I noticed a new car in the apartment complex with it lights on. Was sure it was somebody who had just moved in, so left a note saying I could give them a jump if they needed it. That morning I met a single mom, and walking behind her was this 18 month old blond cutie carrying a small back pack with her lunch in it. Mom was a looker, I just was not interested, and her being a newbie needed, we quickly became friends. We went on lots of dates over the years, but they were always to do something with the kid. To the park, zoo, Christmas shopping, I even gilled food on the BBQ for them, but there was never nothing there other than a friend ship. At age 4 I taught her how to swim. She trusted me enough to learn how to float face down, then turn her head to get some air. And off she went. When I began dating my current GF, it took some explaining, but once she met them and saw the relationship that I had with the little girl, I think it helped me get some points with my GF. The little girl is long grown up, married and expecting her first child. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 You appear to have completely misunderstood what platonic relationships are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Its absolutely possible. Not all interactions with the opposite sex have to be driven by sexual desire. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I think that is garbage. How can you establish love and true intimacy with a person w/o sex? Sex "is" what changes a relationship between two people from non-intimate to intimate. I think your definition of intimacy is too narrow Gloria. Intimacy can be emotional, intellectual, or physical. The verb "to intimate" means "to reveal". I.e. "John intimated that he is actually a woman" People can share emotional intimacy by revealing their feelings to each other. People can share intellectual intimacy by revealing their thoughts to each other. And people can have physical intimacy by "revealing", well...you know... Anyway, in platonic relationships people would be sharing intellectual and/or emotional intimacy without physical intimacy. Why is that so impossible? It happens all the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 if that were the case people who wait until after they have married to have sex ....dont exist and dont have intimate relationships.........which isnt true at all...its is quite possible to be intimate with someone and not go all the way...i believe kissing is far more intimate anyway than sex......sex is an eventual happening,a part of intimacy......but it isnt everything.....i have platonic male friends.....and i have actually had intimate relationships with men without sex as well...being intimate with someone to me....means letting them get close to me...physically and mentally........i differentiate platonic from actual boyfriends...by the level of intimacy and one on one time where i get to knwo them inside and out and vice a versa.............. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Yes, I understand that men and women can be "friends" where they do things and have zero romantic interest in each other... I'm talking about situations where one or both parties have sexual and/or romantic attraction, but chose not to act on it (not even a kiss). And their decision isn't like until they get to know you or something, it's indefinite...if what I just described isn't "platonic" then ok Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 The sticky wicket is neither of us, friends that is, can read each others minds. I have no way of knowing with any accuracy how any female friend ever felt about me, or they vice versa. All we can do is go by what we feel ourselves and what we observe and align it with our personal values system. I have had the experiences you describe, mainly with MW's, and long experience with female friends allowed growing those attractions into a healthy platonic interaction, in some cases, and admitting that behaviors would never be platonic, in others, and letting them go. Again, no way of knowing with any certainty how the ladies felt. I could've been a brother to them (Yup!) or there was sexual content there. IDK. We only have control over ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings are the only ones we can be sure of. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Yes, I understand that men and women can be "friends" where they do things and have zero romantic interest in each other... I'm talking about situations where one or both parties have sexual and/or romantic attraction, but chose not to act on it (not even a kiss). And their decision isn't like until they get to know you or something, it's indefinite...if what I just described isn't "platonic" then ok Yeah . . . this is somewhat different. As far as I am aware I haven't had a platonic friend where the above factored in. Especially now that I am married, there would be a very hard and fast line there so if I had a platonic friend that professed these feelings the friendship would end. I wouldn't be comfortable having this dynamic and any impact it could have on my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I have many platonic relationships. Some have gone on for a life time unless you count the time we kissed on the cheek when we were 2 years old... I think that if you cant have true friendships with the opposite sex then there is something seriously wrong. As for the second definition where there is attraction. Again yes. The reasons for not acting on it is the knowledge that someone is worth far more than ruining the friendship, a relationship or two etc for the sake of sex... Again these have gone on for many years some over 20 -25... I can get completely trashed and still not act because I control my actions not my poonani. Just saying! Link to post Share on other sites
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