sandylee1 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 ..............................Falling for the lies of married men. Those in the UK will probably have heard of the TV show 'long lost family ' on ITV. I watched a recent episode and there was a woman who had an affair with a MM back in the 60's. She said they "were in love" and he told her he'd leave his wife for her. She got pregnant and had a daughter, then 7 months later she got pregnant again and had a son. The MM never left his wife like he apparently said he would, but he broke it off with the OW. She had to give up her baby son for adoption because she couldn't cope. Some 50 years later, she and her daughter wanted to find the son /brother and with the help of the show, they had a reunion. What struck me and I found quite sad is that women are still falling for the same old crap from MM today. Decades later and I hear the same story, just from different women saying the MM loves them and will leave his wife, but can't due to xyz. It's great that we have come a long way in terms of equality for women, but when women allow themselves to be a single OW, they're accepting a lesser role in the man's life from the onset and accepting to be a secret. It's a role where they pretty much always get hurt and have to be invisible to a certain degree. The woman on the show was 17 years old at the time, so she was probably quite naive and gullible to fall for it. Will women ever learn to recognise they are being used? Why do so many single women continue to settle for these MM? ......Just to say I know there are many MW who cheat, but this is about MM stringing the single OW along and having fun with her. Mmmmmm - I wonder if this is part of why they say it's a man's world. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SerCay Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I think it may have everything to do with the fact that we as humans, we want most what we can't have. Affairs with MM, affairs with MW, GIGS, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Birds of a feather flock together. Good people usually attract good people. Crappy people will usually attract other crappy people. Be mindful of what you feed your brain. Confirmation bias can be a terrible thing. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 women with self esteem who need to be "better" than or.. women who ONLY like the rush of illicit romance or.. women who are emotionally unavailable themselves for REAL intimacy are drawn to MM. it's classic and a sad state 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Your problem is the generalization. That woman that fell for the tricks of MM in the 60's isn't the same woman like the one that is falling for MM today, although they most likely share the same/similar weaknesses. And frankly, there are many who consider taken men a total taboo also - a friend of mine told me that the 'temporary GF' he had while he was studying abroad in the US carefully interviewed him about it because apparently guys cheating is a standard where he was and the girl told him that she didn't want to be intimate with another girl's BF. He truly was/is single btw - the girl also cried a lot the few weeks before he had to fly home. Guess she won't find another faithful guy in her school. Edited July 6, 2015 by No Limit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Women lust after what other women have. That's all it is. Be it designer shoes, hand bags, luxury interior designs and of course men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Because not all of us find true Love. The infatuation that leads to true Love. Most people settle for less than amazing chemistry and " in Love " type feelings. Married men cheat because they are not crazy in Love. They bypass the infatuation and in Love feelings in favour of compatability. Or they get the infatuation but it ends due to the woman not being someone he admires or respects. Women buy into it because Married men can trigger the in Love and infatuation based feelings due to the Married mans percieved " unavailability ". It is why most people are drawing to hot, emotionally unavailable types- because the thrill of the chase and never feeling at easy generates a false sense of passion that humans often confuse for " Love " I personally don't get a thrill from Married men:sick: Edited July 6, 2015 by Leigh 87 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 There are women who have kids with guys who are single and who haven't put a ring on their finger either... There are women who "shack-up" with men and have the nerve to call it a "commitment" when a "commitment" is when a man puts a ring on your finger (your wedding day - not a long-term engagement ring). There are women who "shack-up" with single men, have kids, and don't even have a ring on their finger and/or a promise of a ring and a date. One woman called my fav podcaster who was with a dude for 7 years and they have two kids and have been shacking up all the 7 years. There are women running around like Domino's to "service" guys who still live with their parents. There are women who want their parents to allow some guy to move in with her parents so he can get a "start" on his life So, in this day/age there are a lot of "liberated" women still making stupid decisions with "single" men. Not every woman who choses to be a OW has the case of "I want what she has", low self-esteem, or whatever. Sometimes seeing a dude "when you see him" is all you have to give in a RL (cuz fears of intimacy, wanting to be left alone w/o having to sleep around to get your needs met, not wanting the whole "kids and white picket fence deal") and a MM fits the bill. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 "Not every woman who choses to be a OW has the case of "I want what she has", low self-esteem, or whatever. Sometimes seeing a dude "when you see him" is all you have to give in a RL (cuz fears of intimacy, wanting to be left alone w/o having to sleep around to get your needs met, not wanting the whole "kids and white picket fence deal") and a MM fits the bill." Until it's your husband that these women want that with. Obviously from your post above so many aren't putting a ring on it' so you could have this with a single guy. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Until all women get a sense of reality as regards love and falling in love then nothing will change. Women in general tend to like romance and can spin romantic stories about just about any jerk that shows up, unfortunately. Unavailable men are prime romantic fodder. In romantic stories the man is absent for whatever reason, distance, the war, he loves another, he is engaged, he is married, and the lovelorn woman is left pining for her one true love. Eventually he comes back out of the mist and claims her as his own. He fights adversity to be with her, he is a real man, his love for her overcomes all... The image is powerful and sets the scene, and when the image is played out in real life she is prepared to adopt that role. She is the romantic heroine pining for her unavailable man. She loves her man and love conquers all, doesn't it? He WILL fight to be with her and they WILL be together, sometime, somewhere... Only IRL, our unavailable hero AKA the married man is usually weak, manipulative and/or indecisive. If the truth be known, he is usually only there for the easy sex and the comfort of her bosom, and has no intention of fighting for anyone... Until women stop filling their heads with romantic nonsense, then things will never change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 sandylee1, In the 60s things were different because the contraceptive pill wasn't available to single women and I believe that's what kept a lot of women on the "straight and narrow". Once the pill was available to single women in 1974, things took a very different turn... How the contraceptive pill changed Britain - BBC News 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Because not all of us find true Love. The infatuation that leads to true Love. Most people settle for less than amazing chemistry and " in Love " type feelings. Married men cheat because they are not crazy in Love. : That's absurd and somewhat offensive to anyone who has been cheated on. Married men cheat for the same reason anyone else does: personal weakness. Sometimes weakness brought on by a bad situation, but just as often as not. Also, you're in for a rude awakening if you think in years of being married of someone day in and day out, that there's not stronger points and weaker points. It's not for anyone a constant romance film. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You've got to love a thread where women who choose to sleep with married men are considered to be the victims. And to think a guy like that would lie...! Who knew. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Not everyone who chooses to be a single OW is unhappy, poor self esteem, or being used. These generalizations get so tedious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 "Not every woman who choses to be a OW has the case of "I want what she has", low self-esteem, or whatever. Sometimes seeing a dude "when you see him" is all you have to give in a RL (cuz fears of intimacy, wanting to be left alone w/o having to sleep around to get your needs met, not wanting the whole "kids and white picket fence deal") and a MM fits the bill." Until it's your husband that these women want that with. Obviously from your post above so many aren't putting a ring on it' so you could have this with a single guy. Anyone who inserts herself into another person's marriage has esteem issues - not so much that she doesn't esteem herself, but that she doesn't esteem anyone else. And when said woman actually calls herself a Christian...um, no. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I am not saying that there cannot be love or feelings or attraction between 2 people who are not married to eachother. In theory. the moment I find out the object of my attention is taken - in a RS or marriage - I turn my back and walk away. Instantly. I know how I want to be loved and I demand full exclusivity. It's purely selfish, I want the full package. I love myself too much to have it any other way. oh and karma is alive and kickin'. And I loathe drama. I also have a conscience. I like men with a back bone, kind, fair play, who treats people close to him with immense gentleness and care. I could never respect a man who treats his woman - wife or gf - any other way. That woman could be me. Major turn off. IMO, it has to do with self love, self esteem and how one think they deserve to be loved. I want to be loved fully. Completely. Every day of the week and twice on the weekends... but that's personal. i could never trade. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Sometimes seeing a dude "when you see him" is all you have to give in a RL (cuz fears of intimacy, wanting to be left alone w/o having to sleep around to get your needs met, not wanting the whole "kids and white picket fence deal") and a MM fits the bill. I would have thought a single FWB fits the bill for this, without having to sleep with a MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Not everyone who chooses to be a single OW is unhappy, poor self esteem, or being used. These generalizations get so tedious. No, but all of them are enabling a betrayal, which speaks volumes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Until all women get a sense of reality as regards love and falling in love then nothing will change. Women in general tend to like romance and can spin romantic stories about just about any jerk that shows up, unfortunately. Only IRL, our unavailable hero AKA the married man is usually weak, manipulative and/or indecisive. If the truth be known, he is usually only there for the easy sex and the comfort of her bosom, and has no intention of fighting for anyone... Until women stop filling their heads with romantic nonsense, then things will never change. Very good points Elaine. Too much romance without a grip on reality. So blinded by one sided love that they can't see the truth. I'm romantic as well, but when I was single and looking for love , I wanted a certain type of guy, with certain qualities and him being single was a given. Then if I meet this fantastic guy, the thought of not being able to go out in public with him, without sneaking around and hiding like I'm one of America's most wanted fugitives would kill the romance instantly. It's not a problem to fill your head with romance as long as long as your head isn't stuck in the clouds. As this woman on the show spoke of how they were 'so in love ' and the children were conceived out of love , I couldn't help thinking that her hopes of being with this MM, were to be at the expense of someone else's sadness. Unfortunately for her, she ended up having two kids who never knew their father and who never got to have a sibling relationship. A little bit of sense and would save a whole lot of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Players such as married men who cheat still know how to push a woman's buttons and they are led like sheep to a slaughter. Link to post Share on other sites
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